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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling overwhelmed with housework 🥹

71 replies

Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 19:10

Hi there, just a small rant.

I’ve just been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the housework lately 🥹 I like to live in a really clean home with everything in its place - it’s not OCD or anything, I just don’t like mess and do my best to tidy and keep the place neat - my home isn’t immaculate (I’ve got small children) so I know all too well how messy things can get - but it’s sometimes so overwhelming doing the deep cleans, vacuuming, organising etc. My husband pitches in with the dishes now and then but it’s just not really at the thorough standard that I want things (if that make sense) although I am grateful - and if I don’t do a thorough clean then the kitchen/living room usually resembles a pig sty. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know that as a mum you’re expected to sort of just “get on with it” and have a stiff upper lip and all that because it’s all part and parcel but sometimes it just gets a bit too much when you’ve spent 3+ hours of your free time deep cleaning the house (and that’s just the areas people can see) and by the following evening it looks just how it was before. Euuurrrfh. Had a bit of a cry and I’m okay now because I know it might be hormones too and all that but my husband just doesn’t get it and thinks I’m simply referring to dirty dishes sighs

OP posts:
Vivienne1000 · 29/05/2025 19:14

My children have left home, so easier for me. However I work full time and clean for my Dad on a Saturday. Because I love a clean house I get up an hour earlier every morning. That’s how sad I am. But I am too tired when I get home….

Springadorable · 29/05/2025 21:05

This does sound like an excessive amount of cleaning. Day to day a wipe of the kitchen and bathroom surfaces, bleach down the loo, chuck toys back in boxes and a hoover every other day is totally fine.

CelestialGazer · 29/05/2025 21:27

It does sound as you being rather obsessive I’m afraid, so on that basis I am saying YABU.

Merryoldgoat · 29/05/2025 21:35

I feel the same @Hilltongum

Ive had some moderate success in being more organised this year but decluttering a lot.

Got rid of a lot of nonsense and do that monthly. As soon as it’s broken it goes on the porch for my next tip visit. Clothes are bagged up for charity as soon as they are too small for the kids.

Its bloody relentless though.

PeapodMcgee · 29/05/2025 21:59

Why would it be your 'hormones'? Why should you be 'grateful' for a few dishes, badly done?

Tell your husband to buck his ideas up.

Springadorable · 29/05/2025 22:05

PeapodMcgee · 29/05/2025 21:59

Why would it be your 'hormones'? Why should you be 'grateful' for a few dishes, badly done?

Tell your husband to buck his ideas up.

Are they actually badly done though? Or is the OP very particular? Because I wouldn't be indulging my partner and joining in deep cleans of a house that already sounds clean.

UnhappyHobbit · 29/05/2025 22:08

I just wanted to say that I feel your pain! It’s never ever ending. Do try to take some time for yourself and not solely focus on the cleaning.

one tip I have is to create a seasonal cleaning list for all the jobs that need more of a clean. I have one every 3 months for things like dusting behind radiators and cleaning blinds. It helps mentally knowing that they’ve been done or will be in a few months.

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/05/2025 22:12

It is relentless when you’ve got small children but how much are you doing / thinking you should be doing?

PeapodMcgee · 29/05/2025 22:14

No, I think people are making assumptions that OP has unrealistic standards. She says herself it is not immaculate and she has small children. She does not say she does deep cleaning all the time.

JudgeJ · 29/05/2025 22:21

Springadorable · 29/05/2025 22:05

Are they actually badly done though? Or is the OP very particular? Because I wouldn't be indulging my partner and joining in deep cleans of a house that already sounds clean.

Show quote history

If the OP wants to set the standard then she should do the job, presumably OH is out at work during the day.

Poopeepoopee · 29/05/2025 22:27

Have you got a tumble dryer, dishwasher and robot hoover? They help enormously.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:29

Poopeepoopee · 29/05/2025 22:27

Have you got a tumble dryer, dishwasher and robot hoover? They help enormously.

I’ve got the first two, which help a lot

OP posts:
Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:32

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/05/2025 22:12

It is relentless when you’ve got small children but how much are you doing / thinking you should be doing?

Well, I (try) to do a deep clean on weekends as I'm not working then. Then during the week it’s basic cleaning like the dishes, vacuum etc. ideally I’d like to do a deep clean twice a week and top up cleaning every day as the house gets messy daily due to general use.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:33

UnhappyHobbit · 29/05/2025 22:08

I just wanted to say that I feel your pain! It’s never ever ending. Do try to take some time for yourself and not solely focus on the cleaning.

one tip I have is to create a seasonal cleaning list for all the jobs that need more of a clean. I have one every 3 months for things like dusting behind radiators and cleaning blinds. It helps mentally knowing that they’ve been done or will be in a few months.

Thanks I’ll note this down

OP posts:
Springadorable · 29/05/2025 22:34

That's wayyyy too much to try and do, no wonder you feel like it's impossible. I think you have more of a compulsion for cleaning than you want to admit, the whole point of a deep clean is that it's getting rid of grime you haven't cleaned in a long time - not three days previously.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:38

Springadorable · 29/05/2025 22:34

That's wayyyy too much to try and do, no wonder you feel like it's impossible. I think you have more of a compulsion for cleaning than you want to admit, the whole point of a deep clean is that it's getting rid of grime you haven't cleaned in a long time - not three days previously.

I understand, but I think most of my frustration comes from how messy my husband is. I wouldn’t have to do so much top up cleaning if he didn’t make such a mess!

OP posts:
Mandylovescandy · 29/05/2025 22:39

Have you tried the organised mum method? I read the book but not implemented it yet but the premise is that it breaks down the cleaning into clear tasks for each day of the week so the house stays clean without you spending ages on it and everyone in the household knows what day it is so they can do contribute

Evaka · 29/05/2025 22:39

Deep cleaning twice a week is nuts.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:42

Mandylovescandy · 29/05/2025 22:39

Have you tried the organised mum method? I read the book but not implemented it yet but the premise is that it breaks down the cleaning into clear tasks for each day of the week so the house stays clean without you spending ages on it and everyone in the household knows what day it is so they can do contribute

This sounds very interesting - my kids are very young so they’d only be able to do the minimal, easy tasks like wiping tables, picking up stuff from floor etc, not the heavy duty stuff 🥹

OP posts:
Whiteflowerscreed · 29/05/2025 22:43

At first I couldn’t work out whether the house was really dirty or you are really keen on cleaning. From your updates I think this is a you issue! You don’t need to deep clean twice a week!! Sounds like anxiety rather than a dirty house

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:45

Whiteflowerscreed · 29/05/2025 22:43

At first I couldn’t work out whether the house was really dirty or you are really keen on cleaning. From your updates I think this is a you issue! You don’t need to deep clean twice a week!! Sounds like anxiety rather than a dirty house

I’d said I’d prefer to deep clean twice a week, I don’t actually deep clean twice a week as it’s just not realistic with my schedule/work/kids etc. and the deep clean I do manage to do is usually just the kitchen and bathroom. It’s not even the other areas of the house, so imagine if I tried to do the whole house 😨

OP posts:
fatgirlswims · 29/05/2025 22:45

Deep cleaning twice a week is excessive once a month is fine for skirting and doors etc. daily is hoover, kitchen and tidy throughout. Weekly is bedrooms and bathrooms (+daily loo and sink wipe around) 1 hour per day max plus 1 hour at a weekend extra.

the organised mum method may well suit you it was too much for me.

husband- get a box for each room and dump all his stuff in it everyday.

heat pump dryers have changed my life and I stopped ironing. Everything goes away unironed and if we need items they get ironed Sunday for the next week.

Wishingplenty · 29/05/2025 22:46

Do you have an abusive db and sil that are neat freaks and cleaning obsessed with grown up children, that shout and tut at your mess when they drop in uninvited? Well you are already doing better than me.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 29/05/2025 22:46

This sounds like a letter to an agony aunt from 1932

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/05/2025 22:49

Wishingplenty · 29/05/2025 22:46

Do you have an abusive db and sil that are neat freaks and cleaning obsessed with grown up children, that shout and tut at your mess when they drop in uninvited? Well you are already doing better than me.

No, I don’t. But my story is quite interesting in that I used to not really care much about my environment and my house was actually really messy/dirty at one point. Our bathroom was always filthy and the kitchen was a pit. It’s taken a long time for my mindset to change and I think that’s why I’m working so hard to keep the standard high and not slip back.

OP posts:
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