Called “greedy” at work

[HamOnBeth]

Yesterday we had a lunch buffet for a staff member who is going on mat leave. Usual routine is the buffet comes out at lunch time and everyone brings something such as sandwiches, sausage rolls, flapjacks, etc etc … basic party food. We do a little gift and card giving presentation then everyone gets tucked into the buffet. After lunch the food stays there and people just pick at it during the afternoon whilst they work.

So after lunch we got back to work and I walked across and got a few more sandwiches (other people were also going back up). An hour or so later I went back and got a few more bits - certainly not platefuls - just a couple of sandwiches, a couple of (bite size) flapjacks and a muffin.

We leave at 5pm. At 4pm someone said “there is so much food left”. That’s all I heard so I assumed it needed using up so I went back and got a few more bits. At this point someone said “Jesus Christ Beth, are you hungry?!”

I said “well it needs using up doesn’t it?” And laughed trying to keep it light hearted. Someone else then said “there is going to be none left for people to take home! No need to be greedy with it”.

Long story short it was apparently agreed that whatever was left would be taken home by those with kids. I did not hear this. I said I hadn’t heard this so someone said “Well no, you won’t have” and rolled their eyes.

was I really out of order here?? The food was there, lots of it. Nobody else was bothering with it. I’m embarrassed but I still don’t really think I did anything wrong? It’s not like I scoffed it all as soon as it came out.

She might have had little and often, I wouldn't expect someone had three lunches (or care if they did)

The person doing this is Gaslighting you. Not hearing about food being taken home to kids was purposeful. And by the way the food was for you and colleagues with and without children. Unless you brought very little or nothing to the contributions for the event you do not deserve this treatment

No-one is arguing against the statement that if you eat less you lose weight (in most cases at least) the issue is the posters who are suggesting if she is overweight then it means she’s been greedy to eat that much if she’s slim not so much.

If someone is 5ft 5, weighs 13 stone and leads a sedentary lifestyle they will be overweight and require a higher calorie intake for maintenance or calorie deficit .
Same person at 9 stone who is not overweight will require less calories.

So strictly speaking a bigger person actually needs more calories in a day all things being equal.

Additionally the slimmer person may have had a massive breakfast and are planning a 3 course meal and therefore they
‘need’ much less for lunch.

Whereas the bigger person you see going back for seconds may not have had breakfast and is not having a big dinner either, so they ‘need’ to eat more if lunch is their on main meal.

TDLR: unless you’re tracking what everyone eats 24/7, and know their height, weight, activity levels etc to work out their calorie allowance, you really can’t just look at two people and decide who “needs” more food at any given time!

You sound utterly insufferable and rather ghastly

Sounds like work place bullying. You did nothing wrong and you didn't know the food had been allocated for people with kids.
Who decided to be the gatekeeper for food everyone had contributed to- I'm assuming you'd brought something in too, but even if you hadn't, it's usual for everyone to help themselves until the food is eaten! At my work, any left over food from leaving buffets gets put on a table for people to help themselves. And at the age I am (having worked in a few places!) this is pretty standard across the board.
Make a note of who said this and keep an eye and ear out for further snide comments as this how bullying starts.

“So strictly speaking a bigger person actually needs more calories in a day all things being equal.”
Challenge the word ‘need’.

Yep agree. I've NEVER been to a work buffet where there's not loads of leftovers and everyone is encouraged to eat as much as they can to avoid waste! Saving it all up for you kids dinner RIDIC.

Probably. But at the end of the day noone is calling me out for feeding my face multiple times at the buffet.

Meals out must be fun with some of you lot

"No starter thank you, I'll just have half a poached chicken breast, and a small portion of raw carrots please, that'll do me for 2 days, humans don't NEED to eat more than that"

It's there to be eaten. I love a buffet. Luckily, my colleagues feel the same and we all give it a right hammering. We work hard enough. It's surprising what some sandwiches, sausage rolls, pizza slices, crisps, cheese and pineapple on sticks, cupcakes and brownie bites does for the morale. Good for you op!

You were greedy. Just because it's there doesn't mean you're obliged to eat it u tim it's go e. Guessing your have gone back again if the comments hadn't been made.

And presumably ‘calling you out’ for ‘feeding your face’ if you order what they deem to be an excessive amount.

But then- if you yourself are taking nothing, then why judge. It's nto like Op was barring people from going to get more food. It was there for everyone.

But no one should be calling anyone out in this way in a workplace. As others have said, it’s suggestive of workplace bullying.

Behave how you like in your personal/social life. Comment on your friend’s and family’s eating habits/body/diet if they let you- that’s your own business. But not at work - just focus on your job.

It wouldn't be there for everyone if some greedy people grabbed as much as they could for themselves. When it's a shared thing, everyone should be considerate of others.

Digs at slim people aren't acceptable either, it is mostly genetics and missing the hunger hormone, granted many diet, however mocking them as a group, is no different from fat jeering.
I couldn't count the amount of times an overweight person has made a jibe about my slim frame. I don't get hungry, I need to remind myself to eat, it isn't fun and has many downfalls.
Maybe consider it when making offensive comments.
I always finish a meal in a restaurant.

My post was not a dig at slim people, at all.

Truly baffled at why you thought that.

Light eaters are slim people. My apology if I took it up wrong.

You really did take it wrong. It wasnt even a dig at light eaters. It was clearly a dig at the "you should only take what you NEED" posters, as technically humans only NEED a small amount of certain food groups to remain alive.

It’s a weird thing on mumsnet that when someone acts greedy they can’t ever be called greedy.its just a describing word like kind, of miserable, or apathetic or whatever. If someone is behaving in a greedy way then that’s the word that best describes them at that point 🤷‍♀️

I agree that digs at slim people are coming from the same bad place as digs at larger people. All these comments come from a place of judgement.

Eating less is fine, eating more is fine, being in a bigger body is fine and being in a smaller body is fine. What isn’t fine is feeling entitled to comment (directly or indirectly re pointed comments on food) on another person’s body. That is kind of disgusting

How has op's body been commented on though?

Never seen anybody do this tbh. I just see people indulging as a treat, as that is what restaurants are for.

I'm slim, uk size 8-10, healthy but the amount of times I've heard people sneering, and judging because, "You'll not be able to eat that much! Or "skinny minnie won't eat that!"There are too many to count. They even do it in third person right infront of me, "Oh Today'sworldandbiscuits won't eat that, this is why she is so slim." It is apparently fine to say this though isn't it? Imagine I said; "Oh Vera will eat that huge cake, that's why she is so fat." I'm a BMI 22; we have lost track of what a health weight actually looks like, so people think healthy woman are food dodgers. Even my own dm will say: "are you eating?" because she seems to think anything under a UK size 12-14 means eating disorder.

There has been times I've been told to stuff my face at work buffets, or directed around like child aa though I'm not going to eat it. After having my fair share, I even had somebody urging me to go back for more then a, "that's why she's so slim" comment when I refused. I hadn't eaten any less than anybody else there.

Did the OP ever come back to tell us what she contributed to the buffet before noshing through four plates? I think that's probably the most telling part of all of this.

No, op didn't come back. There were a lot of responses that agreed with her, as I could understand otherwise. It seems there may be more to it, as I thought.