Cruel unsolicited advice?

[Canthelpmyface]

When my baby was 4 days old, a midwife "advised" me to never leave the house without makeup again.

Context- my newborn was rushed to A&E the evening before so had spent all night in hospital with no sleep and had to drive to a different hospital the following morning for the heel prick test. The midwife said 'can I offer you some advice? Never leave the house again without makeup, you are far too pale'.
Clearly makeup wasn't a priority that morning 🙄 AIBU to think this was cruel?

Seems like incredibly odd advice to give. Are you sure they weren’t joking?

That’s an awful thing to say to a new mum, or to anyone frankly. She may have been joking, but it clearly wasn’t the time for jokes. Try to put it behind you.

that is the weirdest thing to say!

Did you mishear the midwife OP ?
Only I can't imagine any professional NHS staff would ever say anything about your looks .

No I definitely didn't mishear her- my DH was with me. She wasn't joking either- she was an older lady so I think she was trying to be helpful 🙄

Huh

I’d have hoped the midwife wanted to check your iron levels rather than giving cosmetics advice.

That is the strangest thing for anyone to say!

I rarely ever wear makeup, the midwife as being a total fuckwit imo. Ignore her.

Wow

a twat once told me I looked “quite pretty when I looked down”

I am an older woman and midwife. I find this very hard to believe. The only connection could be she was concerned re your iron levels in that you appeared very pale. Even then it's not what a health professional would comment on re your lack of make up. Why would she?

And make up will help your baby how?!
Also, did it not cross her mind that you might be pale from lack of sleep and stress?
Stupid woman! And I hope your baby is thriving!

I don't think it's cruel. Fucking batshit and totally inappropriate but I wouldn't say it was cruel.

Anyone said that to me in those circumstances I’d be looking them dead in the eye and saying ‘My advice to you would be stop giving advice you’re shit at it!’ Sorry to the professionals who are commenting but even in health care settings unsolicited remarks do occur and can be quite offensive.

I would have had a hard time not punching her in the fanny.

She’s a tit…go and be happy, she obviously isn’t.

If not joking (and it’d be an odd time for it) just complete ignore, bonkers thing to say.

I don’t know what age would have to do with this. A midwife in her 60s (like me) would have grown up in the 1970s and 1980s. I was a punk and find younger generations much more conservative than we were. My mother who is in her 80s now was a hippy in her youth and never wore make up.

What an idiot. Unfortunately unintelligent people exist everywhere. God knows what else she was getting up to in that responsible position. Forget her, she was projecting.

Why would she? Because some people are dicks, regardless of their job. Being a midwife doesn’t mean you can’t also be horrible, and that is a dickish thing to say.

I'm also an older woman and midwife.

I'm amazed that your midwife said this to you @Canthelpmyface

Sending love to you. 💐

You weren't up to it at the time, because of your poorly baby and everything, but the best response to that was:

"Can I offer you some advice? Never open your mouth again without putting your brain in gear."

If it happened recently @Canthelpmyface it might be worth complaining about this very unprofessional behaviour. Not only were comments about your appearance unnecessary, but it sounds as if she thought your looks were more important than your health. Only someone far too stupid to do her job thinks that way, let alone says it.

Bully to nurse pipeline still going strong.

What?