Cruel unsolicited advice?

[Canthelpmyface]

When my baby was 4 days old, a midwife "advised" me to never leave the house without makeup again.

Context- my newborn was rushed to A&E the evening before so had spent all night in hospital with no sleep and had to drive to a different hospital the following morning for the heel prick test. The midwife said 'can I offer you some advice? Never leave the house again without makeup, you are far too pale'.
Clearly makeup wasn't a priority that morning 🙄 AIBU to think this was cruel?

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😮

So weird. But unsurprising. I had awful midwives.

One (who was very obese) told me off for eating a banana while I was pregnant and told me to eat something healthier or it would harm the baby. I pointed out it was a banana, not a slab of cake, and she told me to have cheese and crackers instead.

Another laughed at me when my husband and I suggested something looked wrong with our baby's neck upon birth (he actually had tortillcollis and took 2 years of physio... would have been less if she'd have listened!) In fact, horrendous midwives all round in the labour ward, for both births.

A third suggested I should have a third child so I could experience a 'proper' birth (baby 1 was ventouse and baby 2 was c section)... wtf?! As if a baby is only about the birth and not a child for life?! Funnily enough we didn't take her advice...

What a twat that midwife is.

I'd have said she shouldn't leave the house regardless of make up. But I get when someone is so rude you're often stunned.

oh come on, grow a thicker skin. She is old and product of her time. Simply ignore that nonsense and move on.

Some people are just mean and can’t resist the urge to be mean to others. Particularly when they are vulnerable

What a bizarre comment!
hopefully in the near future you’ll be laughing at how ridiculous it was

This is nuts, we were blue lighted in with our son at 3 days old and if it's happened an hour earlier I'd not have showered since birth. While in hospital my husband brought a bag of the world's most inappropriate non fitting clothes and I spent an entire day wearing his pyjamas top as a t shirt. Just incase you think the rest of us are full face make up, skinny jeans 2 days in people. We've had many ambulances trips since then and I've been mortified several times as it's been in period of the house being upside down as I've had a few days of a sick clingy baby before the ambulance was needed but it's never crossed my mind that I looked like a dogs dinner but I will have.

I'm sorry but that is a rude thing to say at any time of life.

Exactly!

Strangely enough, until your 1st post there were no other posts in your username either so what's your point?

If she noticed you were pale she ought to have checked your BP/anaemia rather than make such a personal bitchy and unprofessional comment. What happened to women supporting each other, especially in her line of work?!

I'm sorry but this comment is almost as bad as the original! What era? There's no logic to what you're saying, just negativity about older workers. The oldest workers grew up punks, rockers, hippies...

Sounds a very odd comment from a healthcare professional, even if her 'humour' is generally a bit clueless. Could she have been a very poorly trained, inexperienced healthcare assistant?

What a stupid, nasty comment.

You are ridiculous. I can't stand it when people make excuses for rudeness a d nastiness like this.

What a twat she was. You should have complained, she needed better training or the sack.

How rude. I'm 63 this year and proud to be a midwife and would never in a million years speak to anyone like this.

What she could have shown concern about was the situation at the time checked the OPs observations full postnatal check and advised accordingly.

Age is but a number. You sound like you like to put people in little boxes with comments like "product of her time"

I have a friend who's a midwife and she's lovely.

I also remember some cruel and bitchy things said to me by 2 midwives when I was in hospital and feeling very vulnerable and at a disadvantage. I suppose there are nasty people in all walks of life, but I must say - it's weird to be nasty to new or expectant mothers if you've chosen to be a midwife, which is a real vocation. I remember being tearful and feeling that the very people there to help me through things were not on my side!

Well that's a very strange thing to say 🤔

I believe you. There are some fucking weirdos out there. Please put in a complaint to PALS and think no more of it. Stupid cow.

I believe you OP. I’ve had a few unpleasant or at best confusing exchanges with healthcare workers in my time.

The worst was when at age 22 I went to the STD clinic at the hospital to get an STD check, not because I thought I had anything but wanted to stop using condoms and only rely on the pill with my boyfriend (always doubled up on contraception until was in a long term relationship). On the forms I requested to be tested for everything except HIV as intended to apply for a mortgage and back then (over 20 years ago) had heard it said that having to declare a recent HIV test on mortgage applications could go against you so didn’t want to risk it in case. The staff member who tested me looked at that and was like a dog with a bone, stern faced repeating that she would strongly advise me to have the blood test for HIV as well and when I continued to refuse, she shrugged and said “it’s you who has to live with the knowledge that you might have HIV”.

After I’d had DC2, a trainee health visitor came to the house to do the checks for DS. Before she left she looked at him on the changing mat in a sleep suit and started laughing, when I asked why she said “sorry, it’s just that he’s got the shortest legs I’ve ever seen, even though he is a sweet baby”. Then she left and I was instantly googling newborn leg measurements and problems with them. Could have done without that stress even though for her it was just a harmless throwaway comment.

True, but I had a couple of horrible teachers where I just thought “you clearly hate children, why did you choose this job?”

They often didn't choose teaching as a career IMO. They drifted into it.
I did a non-vocational degree and everyone seemed to assume I'd go on to do PGCE and become a teacher. The people who were keen for me to go into it were saying things like 'family-friendly hours','long holidays' or 'what else could you do.

I had no idea what I wanted to do and struggled, but eventually found a career that I enjoy.

With my last little one I was asked to turn from my left side to right I was struggling to (induction/epidural) labour never felt like the 2 before. Anyway midwife grabbed my leg as she pulls me says ‘What’s she acting like that for she’s not even in labour yet” my right leg lands down and out pops the crown! 😂 They all start rushing about and as soon as I was finished I mimicked her and said ‘She is so lucky I was too busy to catch her’ didn’t see her back in my room again to be fair.

I have a large family and have had some truly kind and caring midwives, but I’ve had some bafflingly unpleasant ones too. It is strange that someone unkind would go into what is obviously a caring role. Nobody needs to put on makeup to leave the house.