Page 3 | Cruel unsolicited advice?

Sevenamcoffee · 30/05/2025 07:11

It’s so bizarre that I can’t really believe or understand why a professional would say this. So I wouldn’t perceive it as cruel, but as batshit weird.

Zanatdy · 30/05/2025 07:15

I remember after I had DS1 my mum and I were just about to head to the shops and she said have you got some blusher or something, you look like a ghost. That’s what happens when you lose a fair amount of blood in childbirth!! No offence was taken, but I didn’t really care if I looked like a ghost going to the post office!

Weaponofchoice · 30/05/2025 07:21

That would get an immediate “Stay in your lane” from me.

GetOffTheCounter · 30/05/2025 07:27

Yeah I believe you too, OP.

When I had DS1 (15 years ago now) DH and I and a number of other expectant parents did the labour suite tour (does that still happen?'. One father asked why the windows could not be opened fully and the midwife smirked and said 'It's because the pain of labour is so bad we don't want women trying to kill themselves jumping out'.

Perhaps she thought it was funny. Nobody else seemed to.

asteroidinyourstupidface · 30/05/2025 07:35

I don’t know why people find this so hard to believe. I have had a lot of contact with health and other services over the decades. Yes some professionals do make ignorant, stupid and distressing comments. I have been left really reeling from some of them at very vulnerable times.

sandgrown · 30/05/2025 07:39

Not the same but when my son was 6 weeks old I went to buy a cot . I was really struggling. The lady in the shop said “I hope you don’t mind me saying but you look awful “ . I did mind but it made me think . I was feeling bad but felt guilty as I should be happy . DH brushed it off as tiredness . I was later diagnosed with PND. I wish I had acted sooner . Take no notice of that midwife . Make up is a personal choice . Hope your baby is ok x

IfYouDontBelieveIt · 30/05/2025 07:50

I totally believe it. Midwives are just people and some people are dicks.

Take no notice.

asteroidinyourstupidface · 30/05/2025 07:51

TipsyRaven247 · 29/05/2025 10:02

oh come on, grow a thicker skin. She is old and product of her time. Simply ignore that nonsense and move on.

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She can’t be that old if she is still working as a midwife! 🙄

Londonrach1 · 30/05/2025 07:52

Yanbu. That's very strange. I've yet to wear make up in almost 50 years so that me laugh. Can't believe a midwife say that. It's more important your baby was seen asap. How he is ok now.

PanderBare · 30/05/2025 07:58

aspidernamedfluffy · 29/05/2025 12:55

Strangely enough, until your 1st post there were no other posts in your username either so what's your point?

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You're wrong.

Aitchemarsey · 30/05/2025 07:59

Canthelpmyface · 28/05/2025 21:58

When my baby was 4 days old, a midwife "advised" me to never leave the house without makeup again.

Context- my newborn was rushed to A&E the evening before so had spent all night in hospital with no sleep and had to drive to a different hospital the following morning for the heel prick test. The midwife said 'can I offer you some advice? Never leave the house again without makeup, you are far too pale'.
Clearly makeup wasn't a priority that morning 🙄 AIBU to think this was cruel?

I have so little time for these people now, so I'm afraid I would have asked to confirm her full name and told her I would be making a complaint...

theDudesmummy · 30/05/2025 08:00

"A product of her time", what on earth do you mean? I'm in my 60s and my mother is 20 years older and neither of us would say something like this. I can however easily believe it happened, there are rude and tone deaf health care professionals like in any field of work. This isn't the worst I've heard by any stretch, but it's really unacceptable.

Aitchemarsey · 30/05/2025 08:01

asteroidinyourstupidface · 30/05/2025 07:35

I don’t know why people find this so hard to believe. I have had a lot of contact with health and other services over the decades. Yes some professionals do make ignorant, stupid and distressing comments. I have been left really reeling from some of them at very vulnerable times.

Same. A lot of them just aren't that bright. And I'm afraid some people clearly go into midwifery in particular because they get off a bit on having power over other women when they're vulnerable.

GRex · 30/05/2025 08:01

Canthelpmyface · 28/05/2025 21:58

When my baby was 4 days old, a midwife "advised" me to never leave the house without makeup again.

Context- my newborn was rushed to A&E the evening before so had spent all night in hospital with no sleep and had to drive to a different hospital the following morning for the heel prick test. The midwife said 'can I offer you some advice? Never leave the house again without makeup, you are far too pale'.
Clearly makeup wasn't a priority that morning 🙄 AIBU to think this was cruel?

In a busy hospital setting, if aanything liked to this exchange happened, then you misheard. Have you embellished on a comment like "you look pale" said brusquely, without understanding the context of concern about iron loss?

theDudesmummy · 30/05/2025 08:01

She probably thought she was funny.

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 08:17

Weaponofchoice · 30/05/2025 07:21

That would get an immediate “Stay in your lane” from me.

Or a Miranda stare and say “rude!”

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/05/2025 08:24

I would have told her to mind her own fucking business.

Moonlightexpress · 30/05/2025 08:36

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/05/2025 22:00

Seems like incredibly odd advice to give. Are you sure they weren’t joking?

Sorry what ? A joke ?

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2025 08:43

God what a horrid thing to say to you op.

How long ago was this - not that it would ever have been acceptable but just wondering how long you’ve been pondering this. There’s no need for pondering by the way, it’s just horrible.

I hope your baby is ok now

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2025 08:45

And oi, @TipsyRaven247 cut out that ageist nonsense!

doIIydaydream · 30/05/2025 08:56

I once went to a midwife appointment when I was pregnant, and she spent about 5 minutes trying to prove i went to Sheffield Hallam university not the University of Sheffield. Weird woman!

1SillySossij · 30/05/2025 09:31

Was a thing actually wrong with your child?Maybe she thinks you are over-anxious and need to calm down and think things through, maybe call for advice, before going off half-cocked, rushing to hospital?
That's all I can think of.

MyCyanReader · 30/05/2025 09:45

Utterly bizarre - probably her joking way of saying you look like sh*t 😂

But I'm not sure why you'd let a comment like that bother you!? It's not cruel. Just really odd.

PearlHare · 30/05/2025 09:54

Thedogscollar · 28/05/2025 22:14

I am an older woman and midwife. I find this very hard to believe. The only connection could be she was concerned re your iron levels in that you appeared very pale. Even then it's not what a health professional would comment on re your lack of make up. Why would she?

I have a grandmother in her 80s and this is how she speaks to people. It’s not her age, she does it because she’s a dick (although I love her lots despite this) but she gets away with it because of her age.

It’s not that hard to believe when you know someone who pulls this sort of thing with loved ones and strangers. Some people are just like this, no matter their job role.

I also think it’s a cruel thing to say, as someone who developed a hatred of their own face after a similar throwaway comment from a friend.

FiendsandFairies · 30/05/2025 10:17

What a patronising cow!