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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To secretly speculate about my friends' future divorces

84 replies

flossydog · 27/05/2025 21:21

I don't share my thoughts out loud as it'd be mean and hurt trust if it got back to them, but I often find myself trying to guess which of the couples I know are most likely to split up.

Is that really bad?? Anyone else do this...?

OP posts:

BecFlowers · 27/05/2025 21:47

I mean, I don’t think it’s unreasonable if it’s a secret little habit you have that you keep to yourself if you really must do it - but I think you’re very right that you need to never share those thoughts out loud! If a friend of mine told me she had odds on that my husband and I were likely to divorce, I would not be impressed!

Vallmo47 · 27/05/2025 21:49

My MIL is like this. She’s divorced 3 times. 🤣

NoSourDough · 27/05/2025 21:50

That’s interesting because I do this and I have been bang on the money with every single couple I’ve predicted
….in my head obviously! This is over a 25 year span of time..

TheCurious0range · 27/05/2025 21:50

It's a bit odd. I think we probably all know couples who if they announced they were separating, we wouldn't be hugely surprised, but to sit and think about your friends' marriages and when you think they'll end isn't usual

Fredthefrog · 27/05/2025 21:50

I have wonder this from time to time as odds are that we won't all stay married. Then I worry it will be me. I definitely wouldn't say anything to them though.

Overtheatlantic · 27/05/2025 21:51

Thoughts held in mind produce their kind! 😬

Littlelambsy · 27/05/2025 21:51

I actually don’t do this. It’s good you keep it to yourself though and you can’t control your thoughts I suppose.

I’ve heard colleagues say to other colleagues that everyone who’s married in their 20s will divorce in their 30s and 40s. It sounds bitter when I hear it and it’s always from people who married later and moan about their marriages (but I’m probably too sensitive to it as I got married in my 20s) 🫣

Trickabrick · 27/05/2025 21:53

Can honestly say I’ve never done this, you need a better hobby!

Ohmygodthepain · 27/05/2025 21:53

I once went to a wedding with a group of guests who were making a bet on when they'd break up. It was doomed and lasted less than 2 years.

I'm divorced and it surprises me that some of my friends stay married - their marriages are utterly miserable with affairs, financial abuse, verbal abuse in drink and one physical bust-up. God knows what happens behind closed doors.

Titsywoo · 27/05/2025 21:55

Me and DH every now and then try to guess who will end up divorced that we know. Being that there is a 42% divorce rate it is pretty likely several we know will end up this way (and we are in late 40's now).

Didimum · 27/05/2025 21:59

I wonder who will get divorced, because it likely half of them will, but I don’t make guesses.

Lindajonesjustcantlivemylife · 27/05/2025 22:01

I'd keep that little hobby of yours to yourself.

TeenLifeMum · 27/05/2025 22:02

Some of our “friends” didn’t come to our wedding because we selfishly organised it for Reading Festival weekend (it was when my family could come over from USA). They apparently didn’t think it was worth it as my ex had gone round saying I was only marrying dh to her back at him… dh and I started dating 2 months after ex dumped me (after cheating multiple times) and we dated 3 years before marrying. Married 20 years with 3 dc and I still bloody love him.

We went to a very flash wedding where the groom put on this amazing light show (it was his line of work). I commented to dh it was really beautiful and romantic. Dh had a very different perception that groom spent a large chunk of the wedding faffing about on his light show project with friends that was all about him and practically ignored the bride. He was right. Groom had an affair within 2 years.

GardenGaff · 27/05/2025 22:02

I don’t do this, however I have sat through 2 weddings thinking “I’ll give this less than 3 years” and was right with both. Never done it before or since those 2 occasions.

KhakiOrca · 27/05/2025 22:14

I've done this with family members and been spot on every time.

Daisy12Maisie · 27/05/2025 22:20

I haven’t but thinking about it it is hard to predict anyway. The unhappy couples still seem to stay together for the long haul.
Also in a friendship group of 9 that I am in there is one of the women who has said some unkind things to me and done some low level not very nice things but not noticeable to others so I just tend to try and stay away from her rather than leave the group. She has treated her husband really badly over the years so you would assume he would be considering a divorce but I have just received an invite to a surprise party he is organising for her. He seems smitten even though she doesn’t seem to like him (or me). So I can’t predict it at all and the people I think should get divorced for their own wellbeing don’t seem to.

Honon · 27/05/2025 22:23

I genuinely don't do this but I agree with pp that excepting the most obvious disasters it's not easy to predict anyway. I was recently surprised by a friend's split from her husband of 20 years, didn't see it coming at all and it's turned very acrimonious too.

TheFunHare · 27/05/2025 22:26

Sometimes it's the couples you most expect and sometimes it's the ones you least expect. But every time I think I'm lucky it's not me because often it's just a combination of circumstances rather than a lack of love or compatibility. So be careful because schadenfreude isn't a nice thing

Garlicchillilime · 27/05/2025 22:27

This is so awful and horribly smug. I can only assume to think like this you would need to benchmark those considered to be future divorcees as having worse relationships than your own. How can you know this?

Relationships are complicated and we only see the surface of most people’s relationships. Sometimes we might see deeper from one side, but rarely both. We don’t really know a couple’s unspoken language or joint aspirations, we don’t know their vulnerabilities or strength.

Basically, you can guess at best, and given divorce rates are so high, guessing might sometimes work out. You have to ask yourself though, why would you look at someone else’s relationship like that? Our thought patterns reveal more about ourselves than anyone else.

Okbyethen · 27/05/2025 22:28

I do this too 😄

GlutesthatSalute · 27/05/2025 22:35

I don't think it's something a happy person would do.

smallstitch · 27/05/2025 22:36

How old are you/your friends?
if you’d asked me when we were in our thirties which couples out of our closest friends would stand the test of time and which would split, I’d have got it completely wrong.
The friends who have always bickered constantly are still together…the ones who were super affectionate/attentive got divorced 🤷🏼‍♀️

Redpeach · 27/05/2025 22:38

Do you think they do it to you

LemonLimeOrangeKiwi · 27/05/2025 22:39

It’s probably the ones guessing others divorces that are most likely to divorce, since it’s on their radar for some reason. Probably subconsciously projecting.

PermanentTemporary · 27/05/2025 22:41

I have never once seen a relationship split coming. I have frequently sometimes stumbled away from a stay with a couple thinking 'how can they stand it', but they are never the ones that split. Or not yet, anyway (am late 50s).

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