Page 4 | To secretly speculate about my friends' future divorces

flossydog · 2025-05-27T20:21:22+00:00

I don't share my thoughts out loud as it'd be mean and hurt trust if it got back to them, but I often find myself trying to guess which of the couples I know are most likely to split up. Is that really bad?? Anyone else do this...?

MsDDxx · 28/05/2025 07:41

Playsillygameswinstupidprizes · 28/05/2025 00:34

@flossydog But why do you think you’re the exception to your own rule? Surely you must think your friends think the same about you? Been together over ten years, relationship a bit stale at that long, then add kids into the mix. You’ve admitted it’s added tension.. said a few friends broke up last year that you didn’t see coming. That could be you by the end of the year. You say your happy and secure, never fight bad can imagine you live together a long time but you’re friends who you were shocked at breaking up probably thought the same thing. I predict you might be posting about a blindsided breakup pretty soon.

Why do you seem to have taken this thread (and lots of the posts!) so personally? I’m married and I’m not insulted by it 😂

2ndbestslayer · 28/05/2025 07:43

No I can't say I do this about my friends. I don't really like to think of them miserable and life not working out well for them.

I'd rather work on the assumption they're all happy.

minnienono · 28/05/2025 07:46

We have speculated but privately about friends, we all do a bit of honest! When I got divorced a really good friend was shocked as she thought out of the 4 of us in our friendship group, I was least likely (she was already divorced)

abnerbrownsdressinggown · 28/05/2025 07:56

DH and I occasionally have this conversation - as pps have said the divorce rate statistically makes it likely that some of the couples we know will divorce!

We’re late 40s and I’m half expecting the next round of divorces to start when DC start leaving home.

UndermyShoeJoe · 28/05/2025 08:34

Yeah there’s been a few but it’s been pretty obvious. You know the 4th time married high odds that it was going to fail and it did.

There is one that I think will purely last for the money as they separated before they got married and there was some pretty bad things said and yet got back together and married but he seems to be allowed to do whatever and she buys whatever.

Im sure my mil is still counting down the days to our failure and my own aunty likely as she was very heavy on the you know you don’t have to like someone had a gun to my head and don’t make the same mistake I did.

Tomatotater · 28/05/2025 08:44

ClareBlue · 27/05/2025 23:21

The stats aren't high. It's a miss reading of stats that people quote to predict marriage failure. The lowest number of people got divorced for 50 years in 2022. It's that a significant number of people are not getting married anymore that increases the DR. That's the real social change, not people giving up on marriage.

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It's also skewed by second marriages which have a higher rate of divorce than first marriages. Anyway, I thought we'd moved on from divorce being seen as some kind of moral failing. My parents were married for 50 years when my dad died. Not a day went by without them arguing or my dad leaving the house for the entire day and my mum ringing me to slag him off or him telling her being married to her was some kind of life sentence.

Tomatotater · 28/05/2025 08:53

@flossydog Do you think it's something to do with you not being married in a LTR? Maybe subconsciously you think they have made a bigger commitment or gesture, but if they split up it says to you that it doesn't matter that they had a wedding and you didn't, so somehow justifies your decision? I'm no psychologist but you only mention divorce whereas unmarried relationships with children are far more likely to end than married relationships and you don't mention guessing which of your friends in unmarried ltr will split?

healthybychristmas · 28/05/2025 09:02

Playsillygameswinstupidprizes · 27/05/2025 23:11

You’re divorced though. So hardly anyone to take relationship advice from.

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Do you really think someone who is divorced can't give relationship advice? That seems really strange. Sometimes absolutely the very best thing to do is to end the relationship you are in if it's abusive, controlling or if the person is an addict for example. Relationship advice doesn't mean telling someone how to put up with a bad marriage.

Original poster

flossydog · 28/05/2025 10:15

Tomatotater · 28/05/2025 08:53

@flossydog Do you think it's something to do with you not being married in a LTR? Maybe subconsciously you think they have made a bigger commitment or gesture, but if they split up it says to you that it doesn't matter that they had a wedding and you didn't, so somehow justifies your decision? I'm no psychologist but you only mention divorce whereas unmarried relationships with children are far more likely to end than married relationships and you don't mention guessing which of your friends in unmarried ltr will split?

I suppose I was using divorce as a shorthand as it really does feel like I'm surrounded by married people, but now you mention it, one of the couples I think are fairly likely to eventually split aren't married.

Who knows what's going on subconsciously. Actually in the last year or so at least three couples I know have split (two married and acrimonious, one unmarried and amicable), and so I guess it's been more on my mind.

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