Wedding invitation dilemma

[ToffeeSheep]

Background: DD has a schoolfriend who she has known for about 18 years. Used to be close when they lived in the same city but DD moved away to uni 10 years ago and has stayed in that area. DD makes arrangements to see friend when she is home but friend invariably cancels, usually at the last minute. DD got engaged just before Christmas and we had a small celebration to which friend and her fiancé were invited. They were no shows on the night.

Friend’s wedding is this summer which DD has known about for a while, but she was not invited to the recent hen weekend. Wedding invite has now arrived - would DD be unreasonable to decline?

Why would she decline?

DD would be a drama llama for declining but if she wants to move on from the friendship then that’s the way to do it

So the “friend” no showed your DD’s engagement party and didn’t invite her to the Hen. I don’t think I’d go. The “friend” probably just wants the wedding gifts.

Why would she decline unless the dates were inconvenient? They are still friends albeit not as close as they were, she's been invited to the wedding, that's lovely.

I can't imagine being unable to solve this dilemma without my mum posting on Mumsnet. If she wants to go, she goes. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't go. That's how invitations work.

More importantly, why are you getting involved in this?

What’s her dilemma? Go or don’t…

Because she doesn't want to go?

Then don’t…

If your DD feels like she has been treated like shit (she has), and has been invited just to make up the numbers / politeness, then definitely decline. The ex friend has behaved exactly as you would if you were trying to get rid of someone, but not look the bad guy.

Why would she be a drama llama for declining if she doesn't want to go? She obviously doesn't feel close to this friend any more.

This ^^

Is this a drip feed? If she wants to go, she accepts. If not, she declines.

Is it that you/your daughter would rather not invite them to her wedding as it's a lot of money to waste if they don't turn up? I can see why you'd be reluctant, given their track record.
It's possibly better to decline the invite and accept that the friendship has run its course.

If she doesn’t want to go fair enough.

if it’s because she didn’t get an invite to the hen etc then it’s tedious drama

What fucking weird responses. It is quite clear that this so called friend does not see OPs daughter as a friend. I wouldn’t go to the wedding either OP and I would advise your daughter to get rid of this “friend”.

Sounds like the friendship has long since run its course and your DD might only have been invited out of obligation. If she doesn’t want to go and isn’t fussed about the friendship she should decline. It doesn’t sound that the ‘friend’ is that invested. People grow apart, it’s perfectly normal.

I wouldn’t decline just because I wasn’t invited to the hen do, that is called cutting off your nose to spite your own face.

Yeah, I wouldn’t go.

I don’t think this is much of a dilemma.

Does she want to go? If she thinks she’ll enjoy the day, catching up with other friends, nice meal, some drinks, then she can go, even if the friendship wasn’t what it used to be.

Does she not want to go? Then she declines. And doesn’t need to worry about hurting the brides feelings as the bride surely will see they aren’t as close. She can just say she’s on holiday or something that weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️

Im wondering from the vibe of your post, that deep down she would like to go but is considering declining just to cut her nose off to spite her face. Or she does want to go but you as her over involved mother are encouraging her not too.

Does she want to go? And can she easily afford to if she does want to?

It really is that simple.

If she's happy for the friendship to dwindle and end, then she can just decline the invite.
If she wants to go to celebrate with her friend and then just stop making an effort, she can.
If she wants to keep the friendship or fight for it, she should go.

If she wants to go to the wedding, possibly see other friends from school, then accept. If she doesn't want to go then decline. I doubt the friend is going to be ecstatic or devastated by her decision. What is the dilemma?

If she doesn’t want to go then she declines I can’t see how that can be unreasonable , it’s an invitation not a summons .

Also, DD can choose to invite friend to her wedding, or not, regardless of this invitation/attendance.