Wedding invitation dilemma

[ToffeeSheep]

Background: DD has a schoolfriend who she has known for about 18 years. Used to be close when they lived in the same city but DD moved away to uni 10 years ago and has stayed in that area. DD makes arrangements to see friend when she is home but friend invariably cancels, usually at the last minute. DD got engaged just before Christmas and we had a small celebration to which friend and her fiancé were invited. They were no shows on the night.

Friend’s wedding is this summer which DD has known about for a while, but she was not invited to the recent hen weekend. Wedding invite has now arrived - would DD be unreasonable to decline?

It's late notice to receive an invite now for a wedding this summer. As she wasn't invited to the hen do and only now receiving the invite I'd assume the bride has had some invites turned down or guests pulling out and is onto her b-list of guests.

It sounds like their friendship has run it's course and they've grown apart, if it were me I wouldn't go but if your daughter is keen to keep trying at the friendship then that's up to her.

I don’t get it… Why you’re involved and why DD is facing any kind of dilemma… The bride an old friend but not a close friend thus making the cut for the wedding list but not the hen. Yes it’s bit shit she no showed to the engagement party but your DD can go to the wedding if she wants or decline if she doesn’t. If it were me I’d decide based on whether she thinks she’d enjoy the day (other friends going?) and the outlay to attend in terms of money and time (local or miles away).

Her friend obviously still thinks they're close enough to invite her to the wedding, it would be a shame for your DD not to go just because she's playing tit for tat.

Just go. Or don't go. It's not that deep.

I think your DD would be being petty to decline. But it's clear that her friend doesn't see the friendship in the same way any more. It's often the case when people leave their home towns.

As for the friend simply wanting the wedding presents - your DD doesn't need to give an expensive gift. A Bottle of champagne & a couple of nice glasses to go with it would be fine.

I'm not sure what the dilemma is. Surely your daughter is an adult and can decide if she wants to go or not.

Not sure why you need to be giving this headspace to be honest. But seeing as you asked, I’d not go - when did your DD actually spend any meaningful time with this friend?

Sounds quite childish to be honest. Decline a wedding invite because someone didn’t turn up to her party? This is the kind of thing teenagers do.
I wouldn’t expect to be invited on a hen do of every friend I have, especially not ones I’ve not been that close to for over 10 years. Your daughter obviously thinks there is more to the friendship than the fried does. If your daughter doesn’t want to go because she feels somehow wronged, she can decline. But I don’t feel the friend has done anything wrong, apart from the no showing of course.

Is it a wedding and evening do or just the evening? If the latter, friend just wants a gift. Bit odd that the friend didn’t invite your dd to hen party. Did friend ever say why she didn’t show up for the engagement? Sounds like they have drifted. Dd could say she is on holiday to avoid hard feelings?

Weddings are very expensive. I guess she wouldn't invite your daughter if she didn't think fondly of her. Yes it's bad they did not turn up to her engagement party and their meet ups. But they have obviously drifted apart in those 10 years your daughters been away. So what she wasnt invited to the hen?

If your daughter isn't interested in pursuing the friendship anymore then just politely decline, if she would like to go and would have a good time catching up with old friends then go?

I wouldn't bother my arse. Weddings are expensive.

This isn't a dilemma. If she wants to go she goes, if she doesn't she doesn't. The backstory is irrelevant. Is she usually incapable of making entirely every day decisions?

Don't see the dilemma. She wants to go or she doesn't.

A lot of unreasonable responses I think.

In her position, I would assume it was an invitation to be polite, but that she didn’t necessarily want me there. No invite to the hen. No show at my engagement party. Makes no sense to be invited to the wedding, so I wouldn’t go.

Does she want to go? If so, yes, she would be unreasonable to decline. If not, no.

Friend sounds flaky as hell. Not all friends are invited to the hen do. I’d count myself lucky that I wasn’t. Dh has been best man in 2 weddings where we have been close to the couple for a long time. I wasn’t invited to either hen, because we aren’t that close, not like girl squad hen do close. Sounds like your dd isn’t anymore either. But I wouldn’t miss a friend’s wedding if I wanted to go. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tell her to go and absolutely rinse the food and drink.

She should go if she thinks she'll enjoy it and not bother if she doesn't. There's no need to overthink it.

Not sure why this is a big deal.

They were close but not so much now. She's been invited to the wedding.
Is she free?
Does she want to go?
If the answer to these 2 questions are 'yes,' then she goes.
If one of these answers are 'no,' she doesn't.

If your DD is not planning on reciprocating the invitation to her wedding, then non-attendance could really help her.

If she genuinely doesn’t want to go then she should decline. It sounds like the two of them have drifted apart which happens. Sounds like the friend still wants to include dd in some way but dd maybe isn’t as important to her friend now.

If she wants to go then she should go and not let the engagement party influence her decision. If she’s busy or doesn’t want to go then she should decline.

YABU because it's nothing to do with you.

It really is as simple as, if your DD wants to go to the wedding then she accepts the invitation. If she doesn't want to go, she declines.
It sounds like their relationship has more than run its course, so personally I'd be declining and accepting that as the end of the friendship.

No I wouldn’t go - she is no friend your DD. I wouldn’t want the friendship to continue if I was her. The friend is bloody rude - a no show for a little gathering DD organised - was there an apology?

Considering there was a "My phone's ringing, should I answer it?" thread the other night, it's clear that some mumsnetters are completely incapable of making a decision themselves anymore.

Yes please, I'd love to come

OR

Sorry, can't make it. Hope you have a wonderful day

Simples. What's the dilemma? And, why are you involved...?

Is this a play date or an adult wedding?
Nothing to do with her mum?
If she wants to go then she goes. If not then she doesn't.

I agree