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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitation dilemma

61 replies

ToffeeSheep · 27/05/2025 17:38

Background: DD has a schoolfriend who she has known for about 18 years. Used to be close when they lived in the same city but DD moved away to uni 10 years ago and has stayed in that area. DD makes arrangements to see friend when she is home but friend invariably cancels, usually at the last minute. DD got engaged just before Christmas and we had a small celebration to which friend and her fiancé were invited. They were no shows on the night.

Friend’s wedding is this summer which DD has known about for a while, but she was not invited to the recent hen weekend. Wedding invite has now arrived - would DD be unreasonable to decline?

OP posts:
Pinkyhere · 27/05/2025 19:24

Sounds like quite fizzling friendship, if she doesn't want to go, it's fine decline.
So sorry to miss it and wish you all the best etc.
Don't go into details or give excuses

Disturbia81 · 27/05/2025 19:29

I think it’s sad people think like this, the friend obviously considers her still a friend. If we all cut people off from our past we wouldn’t have many people. And people invite old friends to weddings all the time. If they just invited people they have met recently or who they see every day there’d be hardly anyone, plus wouldn’t be a representation of their life and friendships.

FuckityFux · 27/05/2025 20:07

Disturbia81 · 27/05/2025 19:29

I think it’s sad people think like this, the friend obviously considers her still a friend. If we all cut people off from our past we wouldn’t have many people. And people invite old friends to weddings all the time. If they just invited people they have met recently or who they see every day there’d be hardly anyone, plus wouldn’t be a representation of their life and friendships.

Don’t be daft. Presumably that’s only the case if you’ve never moved away from the area you grew up in?

I don’t see any ‘friends’ from my school days as I never bothered keeping in touch after I left home and that’s fine with me.

I’ve moved around quite a bit for work over the years and make new friends wherever I go, but other than the odd post on social media, I don’t really bother to keep in touch with people I no longer live near to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DeSoleil · 27/05/2025 20:08

The normal thing to do when you receive an invite is to reply yes or no.

Why is she involving you and why does there have to be any drama about it?

goldtaps · 27/05/2025 20:27

I could maybe understand this being a predicament if it was the hen do she was invited to but not the wedding.

but the friend is under no obligation to invite your daughter to the hen do. They’re obviously not as close as your daughter thinks, and then if that means your daughter doesn’t want to go to the wedding..then decline

spanishcheese · 27/05/2025 20:34

CapitalAtRisk · 27/05/2025 17:44

More importantly, why are you getting involved in this?

Edited

Who says OP is 'involved'?

She's simply asking a question and looking for opinions on the question.

Disturbia81 · 27/05/2025 20:55

FuckityFux · 27/05/2025 20:07

Don’t be daft. Presumably that’s only the case if you’ve never moved away from the area you grew up in?

I don’t see any ‘friends’ from my school days as I never bothered keeping in touch after I left home and that’s fine with me.

I’ve moved around quite a bit for work over the years and make new friends wherever I go, but other than the odd post on social media, I don’t really bother to keep in touch with people I no longer live near to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Not being “daft”… and your post doesn’t relate to what I’ve said at all.

CarpetKnees · 27/05/2025 22:04

Like most, I can't understand why this is a dilemma, let alone a dilemma you are involved with.

2 people have a long friendship which seems to have drifted recently as life gets in the way. One would like to invite the other to her wedding.

The person invited decides if she wants to go or not and replies asap to the bride to be.

As pps have said, if she is sociable, then she can go and enjoy the day, watching her long standing friend get married, enjoying catching up with the brides family and with their mutual friends.
If she thinks spending time at a wedding is something to somehow be endured, then she declines.

Original poster
ToffeeSheep · 27/05/2025 22:18

Thanks everyone, some interesting responses!

OP posts:
Catwalking · 12/08/2025 14:40

Think some will send out W invitations because they ‘know’ particular potential guests won’t go? & also maybe will still send a gift?

purplecorkheart · 12/08/2025 14:45

Sounds like the friendship has run it course. If I was your daughter I would accept this and move on. Personally I would decline the invite by sending a card wishing the couple well and then move on with my life.

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