fussy eaters or weak parents

[Alegra8176]

I was wondering to what extend people allow their kids to be spoiled when it comes to food. I keep seeing friends with "fussy eaters " who preparing special meals for them or keep cooking just one or 2 things but my favourite is when you ask the little brat what they want and they say I don't want that 10 min later. I can't understand why adults have no power over a toddler....what are they thinking- thr kid won't eat for 3 weeks I till they die or what. Just put the meal away and serve it later ...
In my head this is an issue only in the western world. If you look at kids in developing countries where you don't know when your next meal will be there is no such things as fussy eaters
Obviously here I'm not including small babies who try food for the first time and have no knowledge of any flavours apart from milk...

How many parents in the developing workd have you asked about their experiences of fussy eaters?

Do you have children?!

Yes why ?

Come back when you have had children. Several and got them through childhood.

It doesnt sound like you’ve experienced this yet, come back in a few years when you have and report back 👌🏽

Here you go

Ew

You get fussy eaters around the world. There was a Radio 4 documentary about it. And I remember watching an initiative about getting more iron and nutrients into the diet of children in developing countries and they made a dish containing fish and greens and they had trouble getting babies and toddlers to eat it. Peer pressure eventually worked for most.

And yes there are things that you can do to improve the chances of them not becoming a fussy eater but it’s far from a guarantee. You can do everything right and still have a fussy eater/child with ARFID.

You were posting in February this year while still pregnant for advice on maternity pay and what cot you need as a first time mum, so your baby (if s/he is even born yet) is a maximum of 3 months old and nowhere near even weaning never mind expressing preferences 😅

Some children will simply just not eat no matter how dangerous it gets unless it’s a “safe” food. Those who say “they won’t starve themselves” should consider themselves lucky to have never had to worry that their child will starve.

Silly goady thread.

This comment is giving me life 😅

Saying “ little brat” invalidates anything else you have to say imo.

I had a very fussy eater. Now aged 37 and eats pretty much everything . After me literally and yes I mean literally having food forced into me as a child I was happy to go with the flow with mine. All worked out fine in the end

Visited friends recently who have four children, very close in age, who simply eat why they are given. My child does not do this, nor do his friends. But I simply don’t believe that this is down to anything other than parenting.

Come back in three years and tell us how you're getting on, if you manage to get down from your high horse of course

I’m sure there are fussy eaters everywhere there is plenty of food.
I fortunately do not have fussy eaters. My kids love most foods and love their veg.
A friend, who is an excellent cook, has a fussy son. It was texture too. He would eat beige foods and not the delicious meals she made. If she made pasta sauce she had to put the it through a blender for him. He was skinny and would get rages if he didn’t eat (I don’t mean tantrums but low blood sugar anger) so she just made sure he got stuff he would actually eat, chicken nuggets and chips etc.
I know families who are very healthy, no sugar in cereal or oatmeal, home cooked meals daily, fruit for dessert. The kids grow up and one is very overweight and has a real sweet tooth, the other is normal weight and disciplined. Nuture only goes so far over nature.

How much “power” do you think is appropriate over a toddler?
I usually make mine a mix of what they want to eat and what I want them to eat. Sometimes they eat it, sometimes they don’t. I won’t be starving my kids to exert power over them though. They are people just like us, they have their own preferences and things they find disgusting.
Also, toddlers - apart from yours apparently - aren’t widely known for being logical or consistent, so I also don’t take it’s as a personal failing of mine or my child’s when they exhibit perfectly normal behaviour for their developmental stage. 😊

Did you want a medal for your superior parenting?
Well done.
Each child is an individual. If your children aren't difficult to feed then that's nice for you. I expect there are other things that are more difficult.
My child, with a range of neurodiversity issues, dropped from 55th centile to 2nd centile for weight because of refusing to eat anything that wasn't on a very limited list. It is not the case that they eat when thry are hungry enough. Given how many children die in developing countries I don't think you can assert that children in those countries don't have these issues - they may not get spotted and helped, of course. With careful help, my child's list of things they can manage to eat has increased significantly and they are now a healthy weight for their height - but out in public and especially with non-trusted people present, their range of things they can manage to eat crashes down to a tiny number again. You are probably a partial cause to the issues you are observing, if the children are sensing your judgmentalism. Perhaps focus on your own children and stop judging other people's?

I have one who ate anything and one who hate barely anything (and age 21 still doesn't)

I treated them both the same.

My second literally would starve himself. He was severely underweight and lethargic

I'll bite...

I don't think you have any idea unless you have been there. Your post lacks understanding and compassion and is based on your own narrow experience of children's eating and infant feeding.

If you research ARFID, which a lot of "picky eating" might actually fall under, it is not exclusive to the Western world and is actually classified as a mental illness.

"Picky eating" or ARFiD if it is severe can be complex and is challenging for a lot of parents. Research shows it is not linked to any particular parenting style but is multifactorial. You really don't know till you have been there.

Well I look forward to the "my kid will only eat pom bears" thread from OP in two years time.

Good luck with your perfect baby.

My son used to eat absolutely everything and slowly but surely the list gets shorter every week - he’s 5 now.

But I’m the same parent cooking the same stuff on the same plates at the same table with the same cutlery.

So, clearly it’s not a parenting issue!

My parents were very strict. One of my sisters was a really fussy eater.

Nothing they did or said ever made a difference

She grew out of it in her early 20s.

Until you've had a truly 'fussy' child, you really don't know what you're talking about.
Mine were parented exactly the same. One would eat anything.
The other started as a bottle refused and it went downhill from there. And yes, they will starve themselves, no matter how hungry, if you give them something they don't want/like.
You have no idea how it feels when you cannot meet a basic need of your child.