fussy eaters or weak parents

[Alegra8176]

I was wondering to what extend people allow their kids to be spoiled when it comes to food. I keep seeing friends with "fussy eaters " who preparing special meals for them or keep cooking just one or 2 things but my favourite is when you ask the little brat what they want and they say I don't want that 10 min later. I can't understand why adults have no power over a toddler....what are they thinking- thr kid won't eat for 3 weeks I till they die or what. Just put the meal away and serve it later ...
In my head this is an issue only in the western world. If you look at kids in developing countries where you don't know when your next meal will be there is no such things as fussy eaters
Obviously here I'm not including small babies who try food for the first time and have no knowledge of any flavours apart from milk...

My friend's mil is Ugandan. She told us that one of her grandchildren is so reluctant to eat that her daughter in law has to wait until he's half-asleep and push food into his mouth.

I personally believe it’s just down to luck and chance and zero to do with ‘parenting’

I have a friend who basically convinced her son his tongue tasted things differently and that he hated food.
He didn't.
Parents often do odd things for attention.

I have three children. All weaned the same. Two eat everything and anything, the other has such a restricted diet, looking at AFRID now.

I’m interested in how you force a child to eat something they really don’t want to. My DS would literally starve before he’ll eat something he doesn’t like. As an adult I have food preferences, why wouldn’t my children also have food preferences and why, as a loving mum, would I try to force my child to go against those preferences. They have a healthy, varied diet but I’m not going purposely feed them things they really don’t like.

Haven't you heard of ARFID? or ASD?
Educate yourself..
Also read up about all you have mentioned because you are so so wrong.
One simply cannot educate the ignorant. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

This sounds like a terrible idea and likely to cause choking and/or long term food issues.

As the parent of a fussy eater, I am a firm believer that it is a combination of parenting and natural personality, with (often) some additional factors added.

So, in our case, DD was not weaned as well as DS was - I was working, DH defaulted too often to chicken nuggets... . etc. He has a tendency to allow too many treat snacks too. So that is 100% parenting. My parenting fail was too often taking the "easy" way when I was tired and exhausted at a difficult time.

then, on top of that, she clearly had some allergies and intolerances but it was hard to figure out. Now we know she's dairy intolerant and we think she's intolerant to fat but it's all still confusing. But it makes all of us hesitant to try different things.

Then ther's the personality aspect - this is a child who has always had strong feelngs on what she likes/dislikes and wants/does not want. That's the personality aspect.

The combination is a child who is quite fussy and who we are having to work really hard to get her to try new things. Progress IS being made, but it is not instant.

Children learn very quickly that refusal to eat = power.

it’s a goady thread but to be fair there are some parents who do make a rod for their own back by handing out sweets and biscuits when their child won’t eat their dinner (that they actually do like, they just like sweets better).

What I've learned from having kids is that they give a shit about some stuff and not other stuff. One of my kid eats everything the other two don't. They all basically go to bed when they are told but scream like the world had ended when the tv goes off. One is good at getting himself dressed the others fight like wild cats when you try to put their shoes on etc etc.

I try to be a good parent, put boundaries in place, do the 'right things' but the fact that is some
will be good eaters, sleepers etc and some won't regardless of what you do.

There are fussy eaters in the developing world.

i don’t know why you think there aren’t

You're off the mark with your generalisation about kids in developing countries. I'm currently living in one for the last few months, and I've seen my nephew and niece, reject decent food cos they found carrots in it, and instead be upset about been hungry. Yes even here in the developing world some kids think fruit and veg are yucky, imagine that. When the kids were younger, brother in law and his ex wife were quite neglectful to the children and their diet-from an extremely young age they were taught how to cook their 3 minute noodles, so now even though they have opportunities to try out different foods they unfortunately usually reject this and eat instant noodles and any veg is to be plucked out.
Their main issue, imho, was a lack of exposure to any variety of food, and certainly anything healthy when they were growing up. They have a young cousin growing up nearby them but in a very different family environment who is eating his f&v, and whose to think he will grow out of this relative versatility. Hopefully not.

And this power is very dangerous at teenage years... I say this as someone who suffered from anorexia in my teens.

I have a fussy eater. Her elder sibling ate most foods so I didn't think it was anything I was doing wrong but I got lots of smug and unhelpful suggestions from friends and family about how they didn't "let" their DC be fussy. My fussy DC was diagnosed with autism aged 11.

That's a very goady post... although I see that although you do have a child, they're not old enough for solids!

On the other hand I have 4 dcs's - aged 35-13. They've each had their fussy times and things that they don't like. Kids are like adults, they don't like everything and they have a lot of phases.... come back in 5 years

No idea. Just saying that kids in the global south can also be difficult to feed.

Just to reiterate my combo theory - friend with a fussy eater:

1 They had an older child with significant health issues and allergies so ALL of them ate a very restricted diet for a long time.

2 Because of the older child's issues, just getting enough food down him was a challenge. So they became slightly paranoid and would do anything to ensure the younger one was eating. To the point that at a kids party they'd bring a PACKED lunch because the thought of her choosing NOT to eat the ham sandwich on offer was a crisis in their heads.

3 The liklihood is that the second child is ND but because her challenges are notably less than her brother's, it's difficult for the family to get their heads around this.

So, you could argue these are all parenting fails and they definitely over indulged her... but you can see how easily it happened while they were dealing with a bunch of other things.

You were posting in February this year while still pregnant for advice on maternity pay and what cot you need as a first time mum, so your baby (if s/he is even born yet) is a maximum of 3 months old and nowhere near even weaning never mind expressing preferences 😅

Brilliant 😂

As the mother of 2 DC, I would have agreed with you entirely. Both DC ate anything and everything, which was obviously the result of my exemplary parenting! Then along came my third DC and completely changed my reality!
I am now of the firm view that good eaters are born that way, same as 'fussy' eaters. Youngest DC is still relatively fussy, but as they are now married with a family of their own, it's no longer my problem 😀

This. Come back when you have a child with ARFID. there's literally zero support for it where I live.

You referring to children as brats is very telling. I do hope you get a stone in your shoe.

I was that picky child, regularly used to live on unbuttered bread rolls on holiday; not even the magic of Disneyland could make me try anything.
My mum literally lost hair from the stress of my fussiness, but as I got older, I was able to articulate that it was a texture issue for me (also have ASD, but that's by the by) but as a teen slowly started reintroducing foods back into my diet and nowadays will happily try most things

Totally with you, OP. I always found a foot on the head, clamps on the jaws and a common sense approach to force-feeding worked brilliantly.

FWIW, I was never a particulalry fussy eater, but there were things I didn't like. One was school milk (yes, I'm that old), which isn't surprising as it was disgusting. I was fairly downtrodden (I was taught by nuns who epitomised the above approach to eating) and was forced to drink the stuff. I still heave at the memory. As an adult, I will eat most things, even things I don't like if politness dictates I must. I can even imagine eating a sheep's eyeball if I it were presented to me a delicacy and a treat. I wouldn't want to, but I'd do it.

But milk? Swallow neat milk? If they threatened me with a red-hot poker I'd still say, 'I need a bit of time to think about this.' It was the only thing I was forced to eat (well, to drink), and the only thing I cannot bring myself to touch.

I guess we need to know OP - what are YOU doing to make sure your little brat is a GOOOOOOD eater?