fussy eaters or weak parents

[Alegra8176]

I was wondering to what extend people allow their kids to be spoiled when it comes to food. I keep seeing friends with "fussy eaters " who preparing special meals for them or keep cooking just one or 2 things but my favourite is when you ask the little brat what they want and they say I don't want that 10 min later. I can't understand why adults have no power over a toddler....what are they thinking- thr kid won't eat for 3 weeks I till they die or what. Just put the meal away and serve it later ...
In my head this is an issue only in the western world. If you look at kids in developing countries where you don't know when your next meal will be there is no such things as fussy eaters
Obviously here I'm not including small babies who try food for the first time and have no knowledge of any flavours apart from milk...

My father grew up dead poor after the war, he was such a fussy eater he only ate cooked potatoes, one type of meat and one type of vegetables.
Last years of his life he spent in a care home and drove his carers nuts with his fussy eating. Never changed a bit in his life.

Meal times are meant to be enjoyable for all. I was not prepared to do battle every meal time and for us to all be stressed out. Toddlers can be very stubborn you know. I gave them a multi vitamin to offset whatever they lacked.

Now a teen, my “fussy eater” eats a much wider variety of food.

For us eating our meals round a table in a sociable manner was more important than nagging my dc daily to eat their greens.

On a society level it is absolutely a parenting issue. For individuals it's not that simple.

But the issue is that every parents thinks they're an exception and its their child, not them that's the issue.

Ds is fussy

We have always offered a variety and we eat the same meal mostly as him every day.

However, he does have several allergies so you could say some is from that and some we do pander to. Because of allergies he’s wary about eating out if he doesn’t 100% know what it is, and we do carry back up incase we don’t know either. But yes he does sometimes say ‘ I don’t like it’ when actually it’s something he can eat, but he will choose to starve instead. He’s also underweight so we do need him to eat something as just not given alternatives mean he simply doesn’t eat, then looses weight and then it’s a giant circle.

He is given lunch at kindergarten every single day, and he only eats it maybe 10% of the time.. and yes I give him something on return at 2pm as he’s starving

I have 2 Children and have brought them up in the same way. DD1 is 5 and very fussy, has been since the start and a low centile for weight. So I do panda to her choices to make sure she keeps her weight up. She does eat fruit and veg and isn't a beige eater. For example though she would only eat a spaghetti Bolognese I made not one in a restaurant.

DD2 almost 2, is a fantastic eater, will eat pretty much any except bananas and avocado. Eats food in much greater amounts and much quicker than DD1. I think it's just genes, my mother said I was a very fussy child but as an adult I will eat most things

My child with autism & ARFID is not a ‘little brat’ she is disabled. What a vile so-called mother you are!

Have you never heard of ARFID or Autism? My god your level of ignorance and naivety is astounding

I think this is it. Most toddlers are picky, and some children remain picky as they get older, but what foods are offered in the home and how dinner time is approached obviously has some effect.

A lot of parents have an attitude that some foods are for kids and some aren't, so kids have limited opportunities to expand their palate.

This evening we are having halloumi burgers with fries.

Ds will maybe eat:
1/2 of the bread bun - with cream cheese ontop
halloumi - but only if separate
avocado - again on side
Maybe a raw spinach leaf
Some cucumber

He won’t eat the fries but I will give him some to try. He won’t eat the tomatoes

Thats actually a pretty successful dinner for us. As most things raw. He wouldn’t touch the spinach if cooked. And doesn’t like meat, sauces, mixed up food, potatoes etc.

As a baby he ate everything until he started getting sick from certain things or allergic reactions and then it not surprisingly put him off

Yet another poster who doesn’t understand SEN wow!

Little brat? You seem nice

I have three children. 1 cleans the plate, 1 will barely eat at all, the other is somewhere in between. The one that won’t eat has had poor growth due to an allergy. He well knows that if he doesn’t eat he’ll get something else! But what am I meant to do?? We have to keep him eating or his growth will be even worse… We’ve tried not giving him different food, but he just didn’t eat at all.

My DH and I eat anything. Our kids eat anything. I’m convinced it’s a genetic gift of general greed and low reacting taste buds.

Fussy eating is not all about parenting. Some, yes. All, no.

I worked with a women who had been a fussy eater as a child and her parents especially her dad had literally force fed her. With the result that as a grown woman there were many foods she just couldn't bare to eat as they brought back awful memories.
My DD was very fussy for a bit and we allowed her to eat a very restricted diet while offering other things. As and adult she eats a wide range of food.

I am reading this entire thread like this -> 😧

My Autistic child who also has ARFID, has been working with an NHS Dietician & Nutritionist since she was 3 so that’s seven years and even they have said (in much more diplomatic terms) She’s not budging! At least we’ve got her onto a healthy protein and showing an interest in one new texture 🤷🏻‍♀️ and said to quote them directly “There’s not much else we can do to improve matters until she shows more willingness”

But yeah, “Is da parentz innit?!”

Well my mil would like a word. DH is picky, he warned me when we met. We actually eat different dinners as I am not having a son chicken breast,overcooked, with either no sides or a portion of peas.

when he was young he wouldn’t eat and his mum was told ‘don’t pander he’ll eat if he is hungry’ 5 days later without a morsel passing his lips she was in despair. She had tried serving up the food later, shouting, punishing, bribing, pleading but he refused to eat. In desperation she took him to the GP who declared him healthy and said ‘don’t make food a battle, just give him something he will eat!’ His repertoire has expanded and I have got him to eat a bit more of a varied diet but he is still picky and menus have to be checked in advance. As long as there is steak, burger, chicken, spag Bol, steak pie..,then it’s fine!

@ButteredRadishmy post literally said that it’s only parents on a societal level. And the for individuals it’s different (ie there are genuine reasons). But collectively we have an issue which is why British kids are fatter and less healthy than others. But the problem is that lots of parents think that their child is too fussy to eat a healthy diet, which then covers the more serious issues other children have.

I have 2 fussy eaters and it’s a huge headache. We’ve tried everything - not offering and other other option, bribery, shouting, ignoring the fact, food served on plate, food served in the middle so they help themselves - exhausting for sure, but they’re most certainly not brats.

It’s strange, if your child is a bad sleeper people are sympathetic and non judgmental, but if your child is a fussy eater it’s always the parents fault. I have 2 brilliant sleepers, but honestly, I think it’s just luck.

Nonsense! Absolute nonsense! My DD’s NHS Nutritionist would have her head in her hands, having read that!
If only you were right. IF ONLY!!!!

Also op how do you suggest you get a child to eat? You said serve the same food later. What if the still refuse to eat? Do you shout at them? Make meals seem unhappy and fraught so they can’t eat with a massive lump in the throat and crying? Do you force feed them? What?

I was a fussy eater as a child. It was a texture issue as I have Asperger's syndrome. My DD, on the other hand, will try any food. I've done nothing special to make her like that, she just hasn't inherited the fussiness.

There are separate issues on this thread.
Child only eating certain foods because they feel like it and know parents will back down= a parenting issue.
Child genuinely being a fussy eater, especially when one or more siblings aren't= kid was born that way, and calling them a 'brat' isn't going to change that in a hurry

This. On the advice of the CAMHS dietician I am feeding my child different meals to the rest of the family and foods you would probably judge me for. Tried the they will eat when they are hungry approach and it was a spectacular failure

So you know better than the NHS, child psychologists, the WHO, everyone, do you?!
And no, love, it’s most certainly not just us British who have kids with ARFID for fuck’s ever loving sake!!! JFC. This is a global issue that has been rife since the 70s! My now adult nephew who had ARFID had to go on a feeding tube in 2001 as he WOULD. NOT. EAT. ANYTHING!!!! Had two safe foods that he unsurprisingly went off and that left him with nothing. He nearly died… He went 6 days with only 4 spoonfuls of fromage frais (Total, not per day).
The ignorance.
His mum, her sister, my brother, my mum & dad and me ALL did everything we could to try get him to eat. At one point we had multiple blenders going at once, whizzing up foods to smooth just to get stuff in him, even got nutrishakes as a last ditch effort to keep the poor 1yr old little boy ALIVE (that’s right, one year old. Ie: not old enough to want “power” over his parents or to be “little brat” ffs)

I think that poster was more making a point that children are humans and will have preferences and that forcing a child to eat will achieve the opposite to the desired affect making the item eaten not only bad tasting but associated with stress so may make the "fussy" person more set in their ways.

If I only had my youngest child I'd think I was the best parent because he eats anything, never turns his nose up at veg and will try anything we're eating. But I also have my eldest child who is fussy as anything, there is nothing I can do as a good parent to change that. Of course there are other methods to get people to do things but coercion and fear aren't things I want in my house. I just lean into it, why can he not eat bread and pasta instead of rice and potatoes for example, I can make plenty of decent meals of things he likes so seems reasonable to me. He's growing and healthy and I don't want him to have food issues. I'm pretty sure he'll be more adventurous as an adult