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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"You're more fertile now than you've ever been in your entire life" surely this is bullshit?

98 replies

Dandelionchaser · 27/05/2025 12:03

When I was on the postnatal ward a few months ago, I was there long enough to hear a lot of discharges done by the same midwife. She told every new mum very seriously and emphatically "you are more fertile now than you have been in your entire life" to lead in to a conversation about contraception. She seemed to the chief midwife who was telling the others what to do so I would expect her to know what she's talking about but SURELY this is wrong? As far as I'm aware, if you're EBF and your period hasn't returned then you can only get pregnant if you catch that first ovulation and that's really unlikely in the early weeks, you're probably LESS fertile than you've ever been. Even if you don't breastfeed though I don't think you're MORE fertile straight after birth than at other times, are you? Is there evidence for this? I understand emphasising the importance of contraception, and making sure that women are aware at discharge that they CAN get pregnant now. It's really important to get that across because another pregnancy in quick succession is of course possible. But AIBU to think that giving misinformation in order to emphasise the point just treats us like teenagers? I had a different midwife at my own discharge who didn't say this so I never got to challenge it!

OP posts:
PilatesAndLattes · 27/05/2025 21:32

It’s not true for me!

HomeAlone300 · 27/05/2025 21:50

Ah, I overheard a similarconversation (lecture style) in the ward after the birth of my little one (who happened to be born 13 months after her sister). It was further down the ward and I heard it by chance on way to the bathroom. I was a little paranoid they left me out of the conversation as I was Exhibit A 😂

I agree it is YANBU to say you are at your most fertile after birth - It is patronising in that's its talking to mothers rather than having a conversation with them. Also, obviously every woman's journey is different and they need to be mindful of this. Not sure what my expectations are here though as wanting every mother to be treated as an individual in under-resourced maternity units seems too far fetched and this is despite knowing how dedicated and compassionate some midwives are.

However, hyperbole drives the point home quicker.

Mumto3kidsletshavenomore · 28/05/2025 04:56

I had my 2nd child when my eldest was 14 months. I was 4 weeks pregnant at the 2nd babies 6 week check up. 3 babies under the age of 2!!!! That was after having 10 years of having fertility treatment for our first so defo true in my case.

SchoolDilemma17 · 28/05/2025 05:05

Dandelionchaser · 27/05/2025 15:01

Yeah tbh I find the contraception conversation baffling anyway, I don't understand how anyone is having sex within weeks or even months of giving birth frankly but I say that to the doctor and they make me take home the pill anyway.

Apparently a lot of abortions in this country are by women who had recently given birth. It’s also not recommended for the body to be pregnant for 9 months after given birth. Personally I was shattered for weeks and months after giving birth and definitely wasn’t at risk of being pregnant very soon afterwards, but I don’t know why the midwife’s talk offends you so much.

Codlingmoths · 28/05/2025 05:56

Plantlady10 · 27/05/2025 16:43

It annoys me too OP. It's not true for me - I have a 2.5 year age gap between mine and we stopped contraception after my baby was a couple of months old (it also took 2 years to conceive my first). My youngest is 1 and again, we stopped contraception early and I'm not pregnant yet.

I think it's mostly frustrating because it makes it sound like conceiving after a baby will be so easy, which for many people it isn't

Of course it's possible to get pregnant soon after birth, but I agree you cant be at your 'most fertile'. It's not a sliding scale, either you ovulate or you don't? And as a previous poster said, it's been proven that breastfeeding a baby does delay ovulation/fertility (again, of course not in all cases!)

It is a sliding scale, there are obviously many more factors to successfully implanted pregnancy than just whether someone has ovulated or had sex.

TeenagersDontWearCoats · 28/05/2025 06:19

I ebf both of mine and both times my period returned when they were 4 weeks old. The whole bf stops ovulation is a load of nonsense!

I suspect it's a case of if they say "it's possible to get pregnant" most people will think "it won't happen to me." And they want to trigger the "shit, it might happen to me!" reaction.

Anyone who has enough energy to go and google their claims will probably discover enough info to know they should be on contraception and those that don't might remember their parting words and sort out some contraception.

IwasDueANameChange · 28/05/2025 06:35

The message isn't aimed at sensible, intelligent people with a clue. Its to reach idiots who hear "its possible to get pregnant very soon even EBF" and think "nah that won't happen to me". They are the same people who probably didn't plan the first baby.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 28/05/2025 06:41

Codlingmoths · 28/05/2025 05:56

It is a sliding scale, there are obviously many more factors to successfully implanted pregnancy than just whether someone has ovulated or had sex.

This!

It's not as simple as there being a sperm and an egg and that's all that's needed.

Things like hormone levels and the condition of the womb play a part in conception, and these don't immediately return to pre-pregnancy levels after delivery.

RobinHeartella · 28/05/2025 06:50

Dandelionchaser · 27/05/2025 15:01

Yeah tbh I find the contraception conversation baffling anyway, I don't understand how anyone is having sex within weeks or even months of giving birth frankly but I say that to the doctor and they make me take home the pill anyway.

Not the main point of the thread, but no one can "make" you take the pill, or even make you take it home.

I have never taken the contraceptive pill. When the midwife broached contraception after I had dc1, I told her we'd use condoms (and anyway I was rarely in the mood for the first 18 months at least!)

I know you were probably being flippant op but just in case. No one can make you take the pill

Whyonearthwouldyou · 28/05/2025 07:05

We were told we couldn't have children. DC1 was an amazing surprise. I was breastfeeding DC1 and fell pregnant straight away with DC2. I had two DC under 1 (which was fabulous before anyone comes at me!) anecdotally I'd say I was pretty blooming fertile 😅 DC1 took ages to happen.

Rubyupbeat · 28/05/2025 07:40

A cousin of mine had her ivf daughter after 10 years of heartache. 3 months later she was pregnant with triplets and had 4 babies under 11 months old!! Yikes.

CreteBound · 28/05/2025 07:46

My god this issue isn’t complicated. It’s not that your more fertile it’s that your more likely to have a surprise pregnancy because you don’t know that you’ve started ovulating because you haven’t had a period yet, hence aren’t using contraceptives.

you’d think they could just say this instead of treating us like children and telling a lie they think our tiny woman brains can understand.

hellsbells99 · 28/05/2025 08:03

I took a long while to get pregnant with DD1. DD2 arrived 13 months later and I conceived whilst bf and taking the mini pill

Zo33 · 28/05/2025 09:50

IwasDueANameChange · 28/05/2025 06:35

The message isn't aimed at sensible, intelligent people with a clue. Its to reach idiots who hear "its possible to get pregnant very soon even EBF" and think "nah that won't happen to me". They are the same people who probably didn't plan the first baby.

Yeah, I agree. Tbh, if it prevents unwanted pregnancies, I don’t think it’s a bad thing - if a little annoying when you’ve managed to take contraception just fine since a teenager. I know a couple of intelligent, sensible women who got pregnant thinking they’d be fine while breastfeeding…

rosemarble · 28/05/2025 10:00

Mumto3kidsletshavenomore · 28/05/2025 04:56

I had my 2nd child when my eldest was 14 months. I was 4 weeks pregnant at the 2nd babies 6 week check up. 3 babies under the age of 2!!!! That was after having 10 years of having fertility treatment for our first so defo true in my case.

Wow. You went from the pain of infertility to having ALL the children!
How old are they all now?

MaryGreenhill · 28/05/2025 14:19

I wonder if once you have a baby. If you have been suffering with infertility and miscarriages , that you just relax once you actually have a baby . I know my stress levels were very high on my first Dd1 after having 2 MC and 13 years of infertility.

hazelowens · 28/05/2025 14:25

It had taken me 3 yrs to get pregnant with my oldest son and he was born in the August. I was told I was more fertile so went on the pill the midwife said she would see me next year. I was back in the maternity hospital in the December pregnant but bleeding. Unfortunately I lost the baby but I was clearly very fertile as I fell pregnant on the pill within 3 months on the pill and taking it properly.

BIossomtoes · 28/05/2025 14:36

Dandelionchaser · 27/05/2025 15:01

Yeah tbh I find the contraception conversation baffling anyway, I don't understand how anyone is having sex within weeks or even months of giving birth frankly but I say that to the doctor and they make me take home the pill anyway.

Tell that to my gran who had five babies in five years. All single pregnancies.

FuriousInventions · 28/05/2025 18:31

Hmm. After a long hard struggle to conceive DC1, DC2 was conceived entirely by accident the first time we had sex post-partum (and I was EBF, and hadn’t had a period).

crumblingschools · 28/05/2025 20:18

@FuriousInventions so you obviously didn’t listen to MW advice on contraception!

FuriousInventions · 28/05/2025 23:13

crumblingschools · 28/05/2025 20:18

@FuriousInventions so you obviously didn’t listen to MW advice on contraception!

I honestly don’t recall being given any advice by the midwife on contraception!

Mumto3kidsletshavenomore · 29/05/2025 06:56

rosemarble · 28/05/2025 10:00

Wow. You went from the pain of infertility to having ALL the children!
How old are they all now?

18, 17 & 17 just

Toootss · 29/05/2025 07:11

But women don’t know when they’ll stop EBF if the milk dries up/she’s ill/ changes her mind for bottles.

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