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Original poster

How would you feel about this?

73 replies

taratill · 27/05/2025 10:16

Long story short I've been a bit of a mug.

Friend has been struggling financially, I had a way of booking a reasonably cheap but fairly niche break which she wanted to do. I checked she definitely wanted to do it before putting it on my credit card.

I get a message this morning to say she has had an unexpected bill and can't do it any more, sorry. I'm now lumped with the price of a niche break that no one else is going to particularly want to do. I don't really want to go alone either.

I've said I think that this is unfair. Just got a 'sorry' back.

Just want to vent really.

What would you do, other than cut this person off and/ or never pay for anything upfront again? For context I've known them 20 years. I half wonder if she's expecting me to say I've paid for it and I'll take her for free.

OP posts:
B1anche · 27/05/2025 10:21

Could you suggest she pays in installments or something? It's annoying but if she hasn't got the money, she hasn't got the money.

It seems a small thing to cut her off for.

TeenLifeMum · 27/05/2025 10:23

I’d say “we’ll work out a payment plan as the money is spent and non refundable, so big bill or not, you still owe me.”

user2848502016 · 27/05/2025 10:23

Tell her you’ve booked it and it’s not refundable so she still owes you half! An unexpected bill is a shit excuse, can’t believe she thinks it’s ok to do that to you.

I would probably go alone anyway so you get something out of it.

SunsetCocktails · 27/05/2025 10:25

Tbh I would have asked for the money upfront at time of booking, but I guess that doesn’t help you now. Can you afford to pay for her, if maybe she chips in with food, drinks etc? It’s a bit of a shit situation for both of you.

Renabrook · 27/05/2025 10:25

Well if they were that hard up I don't know why you would have risked this is the first place, you chose to do it, so no I would not cut them off but I wouldn't spend money like this if I wasn't prepared to lose it

GrimTimes1 · 27/05/2025 10:25

TeenLifeMum · 27/05/2025 10:23

I’d say “we’ll work out a payment plan as the money is spent and non refundable, so big bill or not, you still owe me.”

I agree with this.
Work out a way for her to pay you back over time and then just don't make the mistake of booking with her again for anything like this.

SunshineAndFizz · 27/05/2025 10:26

TeenLifeMum · 27/05/2025 10:23

I’d say “we’ll work out a payment plan as the money is spent and non refundable, so big bill or not, you still owe me.”

Yes this. She still owes you.

Shoxfordian · 27/05/2025 10:28

Yeah, see if she'll work out a payment plan and if not then cut her off

verycloakanddaggers · 27/05/2025 10:30

Tbh I never book non-refundable holidays so I wouldn't have booked upfront. Now I might just cover it for her as I would have known the risk was on me when I booked it.

She's having a difficult time, you've been friends two decades, unless there's a big dripfeed that she's done this before I would not lose a friend over this.

Original poster
taratill · 27/05/2025 10:32

Renabrook · 27/05/2025 10:25

Well if they were that hard up I don't know why you would have risked this is the first place, you chose to do it, so no I would not cut them off but I wouldn't spend money like this if I wasn't prepared to lose it

She is not that hard up. Just had a massive extension on house which has cost more than orignally thought. Add to that she's starting a new job next week.

I'm inclined to think she's a cheeky fucker for not offering to pay me back in instalments. But she hasn't. She's just said she can't afford it.

OP posts:
AlertCat · 27/05/2025 10:34

Tell her how disappointed you are and how let down you feel, and that you feel she’s being unreasonable not to offer to reimburse you in some way. You can make them ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements, but it does sound as if she is being very selfish here.

LoveTheLake525 · 27/05/2025 10:35

How much does she owe you?

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/05/2025 10:35

She owes you the money...she agreed to go and to you purchasing the ticket so she needs to reimburse you, even if that means monthly installments. She's not a good friend if she wont agree to instalments, there is no way you should be out of pocket.

You need to reiterate this and never book anything for her ever again

Vanfan · 27/05/2025 10:36

I think that booking a ' reasonably cheap' niche break for someone who is struggling financially was asking for trouble really. You might as well have loaned her the money without expecting a repayment.
So either go with your friend on this break and try to wrestle some money out of her in dribs and drabs come to some arrangement , accept this as a learning point and never pay out for someone else again.
Or fall out with your friend ,dont go on the break since its not your thing and waste the money anyway.

Original poster
taratill · 27/05/2025 10:38

LoveTheLake525 · 27/05/2025 10:35

How much does she owe you?

£400

OP posts:
Original poster
taratill · 27/05/2025 10:40

Vanfan · 27/05/2025 10:36

I think that booking a ' reasonably cheap' niche break for someone who is struggling financially was asking for trouble really. You might as well have loaned her the money without expecting a repayment.
So either go with your friend on this break and try to wrestle some money out of her in dribs and drabs come to some arrangement , accept this as a learning point and never pay out for someone else again.
Or fall out with your friend ,dont go on the break since its not your thing and waste the money anyway.

Yes those are the options. Neither is great to be honest.

If she'd have said I'm really sorry but I might have to pay you back later I would be more inclined to go with her.

But she hasn't.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 27/05/2025 10:42

I see now what you mean by “struggling financially” . It’s more like she has a lot of spendings.
My worry is that if you offer her instalments she will agree, go on a holiday with you and then stop paying.
Can you ask someone else and offer a discount?

Trumptonagain · 27/05/2025 10:48

taratill · 27/05/2025 10:40

Yes those are the options. Neither is great to be honest.

If she'd have said I'm really sorry but I might have to pay you back later I would be more inclined to go with her.

But she hasn't.

Show quote history

Have you actually broached the subject of repayment with her?

Original poster
taratill · 27/05/2025 10:53

Trumptonagain · 27/05/2025 10:48

Have you actually broached the subject of repayment with her?

Show quote history

No, and that's partly because I don't know how I feel about it yet.

I am a bit shocked that she thinks I should bear the burden and hasn't offered that.

When I texted to say I felt it was unfair as I have paid upfront and she shouldn't expect me to be out of pocket her only response was sorry.

Makes me wonder if she hasn't actually just changed her mind about going.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 27/05/2025 10:54

taratill · 27/05/2025 10:32

She is not that hard up. Just had a massive extension on house which has cost more than orignally thought. Add to that she's starting a new job next week.

I'm inclined to think she's a cheeky fucker for not offering to pay me back in instalments. But she hasn't. She's just said she can't afford it.

Show quote history

Is there any chance she thinks the holiday was your idea/thing? I don't get why if it is her niche thing, you suggested it and booked it?

And importantly, is she usually ok with you and money?

Original poster
taratill · 27/05/2025 10:57

verycloakanddaggers · 27/05/2025 10:54

Is there any chance she thinks the holiday was your idea/thing? I don't get why if it is her niche thing, you suggested it and booked it?

And importantly, is she usually ok with you and money?

Show quote history

It's using my camper van to have a very cheap break in Europe.

She's desperate for a break, so I suggested we use the van.

She was very keen on going. In fact, she was pressing to check I'd booked it, I left it a few days before booking it to be sure she wanted to go.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 27/05/2025 10:57

I have a certain friend who is terrible with her finances. Both her parents were as well and she’s followed in their footsteps.

I used to try my hardest to sort things for her (changing to cheaper phone contacts etc) and paying for things when we were together however I’ve now stopped.

All of my advice and help falls on deaf ears and I’ve learned that she needs to want to help herself.

Im still her friend but I have just take a step back with all of the money stuff and I advice the same to you.

AlertCat · 27/05/2025 10:59

taratill · 27/05/2025 10:57

It's using my camper van to have a very cheap break in Europe.

She's desperate for a break, so I suggested we use the van.

She was very keen on going. In fact, she was pressing to check I'd booked it, I left it a few days before booking it to be sure she wanted to go.

Show quote history

With this update, I would definitely ask her for the money. “Last week you were pressing me to book this, I have, and now you say you can’t go and can’t pay me back. Are you actually having a laugh??”

cherrycola66 · 27/05/2025 11:00

It could be she would feel rude or cheeky asking to pay in instalments, maybe bring it up to her and say you’re willing to let her pay over a few months

verycloakanddaggers · 27/05/2025 11:00

taratill · 27/05/2025 10:57

It's using my camper van to have a very cheap break in Europe.

She's desperate for a break, so I suggested we use the van.

She was very keen on going. In fact, she was pressing to check I'd booked it, I left it a few days before booking it to be sure she wanted to go.

Show quote history

And what is she usually like with money with you?

It seems a weird situation to suddenly have with someone you've known 20 years. If she's usually fine with money, something must have changed.

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