Pls help me get calories into my mum!

[Yannk]

My mum has fallen into a depression (I’m doing my best to manage this - she is getting help from a psychologist and is on medication). She lost my sister and step father in the space of 5 months last year.

She has just stopped eating. One small omelette will fill her up for the day. She looks awful.

She is also diabetic. So I thought meal replacement shakes that were low sugar would be good. But a lot seem quite sugary.

Im exhausted myself. Woke up early with a pit in my own stomach! Spent 40 mins looking for a good option but just getting myself so confused. Don’t want to exacerbate her type 2 diabetes (which she still has despite losing 80+ pounds and barely eating).

Any product recommendations would be SO helpful.

Ufit? Is the one I thought could work

Can you talk about your concerns to her gp. Sorry for your loss too op. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable be along soon x

Fortisip is the brand favoured by the NHS, and I have known them to be given to diabetics when I was working as a carer. I would speak to a GP, though.

Following this.

Your poor mum. Could you ask for a referral to a dietician? In Scotland Eat Well Age Well can offer advice- even if you're not in Scotland, you can access their resources which include recipes: thefoodtrain.co.uk/eat-well-age-well/resources/other-resources/

Calories from fat would be useful. So add cream to the omelette mix. And cheese.

Maybe try some plain meat alongside it.

In terms of shakes, I think pro milk is ok for sugar (as ok as any of these things will be) and tastes most like a milkshake rather than a protein shake.

I think she needs to see her GP. Do you know how much she's lost and over what time frame? I'm assuming she is on antidepressants, when was the dose/type last changed?

In the meantime, full fat dairy, nuts to nibble on, peanut butter on toast, butter with everything, mashed potato with butter and cheese... what would you say is her best time of day?

Those are two big losses so close together, for you and your mum. No wonder you're both struggling.

Do you (can you) eat together?

With diabetes, I would try more protein and fat than carbs. Maybe things that are low effort to eat, that can be picked at.

I think Huel is quite low in sugars (naturally occurring only).
Also nuts are a really good way to get some nutrient-dense calories in - I used to mix ground almonds into yogurt for my mother.
But I agree GP is essential. See if they can come to you if she isn't able to leave the house.

This sounds like such a worry OP. I’d be escalating to the GP for dietician input. I know you said she’s under a psychologist - is that private or NHS? I think I would want the NHS team involved and aware of her in case things deteriorate. Some medication can help with appetite/weight gain and depression.

I’ve been focusing on giving her high calorie food but avoiding carbs on account of her diabetes. So have not been doing mash, toast etc but very butter omelettes with cream and bacon.

Her blood sugar is still weirdly elevated so I’m very conscious of that. It’s a bloody nightmare tbh.

Yesterday she only managed half an omelette that I made her (three eggs) and then had a bite of the cauliflower and cheese I made for her.

Can I give her carbs?

She’s moved across the road from me (renting neighbour’s garage annexe). So I go over to cook and I will stay to make sure she finishes at least one meal. I’ll have my kids run over dinner if I can’t but she will often turn that down. But not always so I still try.

I think she needs medical help OP. She may be traumatised or depressed and needs to manage her diabetes properly. It’s a lot for you to take on. I hope she has a good Gp?

Is she still mobile?
If she can manage to come over to yours, the walk and the company might motivate her a bit more. Even better if you need her help, as in Mum, can you set the table, just peel the carrots for me, help DD with her homework.
If she is capable of doing something, give her something to do. Without people to look after she is probably feeling lost. And if she sits in your house and eats with you, she will feel less of a burden, and also it is positive pressure, everyone eating together.

Best wishes.

She absolutely does need some carbs but I would consult a dietician because of the complex situation with the diabetes. I don't know where you live but there are plenty of private dieticians in London for example. And many do online consultations anyway.

You definitely need to take her to the GP. Weight loss in combination with very elevated blood sugar needs investigating - there is a specific condition I would want to rule out in this scenario (I'm a GP). I would also be looking to review her medication (if she's not on mirtazapine I'd be looking to see if I could put her on it) and refer her to a dietitian. I'm sure her GP will help.

Can she spend more time at your house? Maybe if she has to eat with other people around she might eat more. Don't make a big deal of it though.

Add custard powder to things like drinks or sauces if you can, it ups the calories. Condensed milk is also useful for this purpose. I used to do this for my mum when her dementia meant she walked around all the time using lots of energy.
Also ensure/fortisip.

Oh and @cakeisnotavailable is right, a change in antidepressant may help, some of them, like Mirtazapine, have a side effect of increased appetite.

Sorry just saw re diabetes. I which case don’t do this!

When I went through similar, these things helped. Small snacks rather than full meals. Blending highly nutitious foods into soups and smoothies. Eating with her and talking to distract from the process of eating. Serving meals in very small portions so it's not overwhelming. Avoiding discussing eating to reduce pressure. I think any shake that's palatable will help - the fortisip one's prescribed are very rich and make a lot of people feel sick- I found the slim fast ones better, fewer calories but easier to tolerate. I'm in two minds about fortifying food, even though its recommended as it makes the meal very rich and can cause nausea which exacerbates the problem. I hope your mum gets the help she needs. Not being able to eat is a horrendous condition. Distressing to go through and also to watch.

Don't get advice on Mumsnet for this, managing diabetes is really complicated. You need proper medical advice, please make a GP appointment and ask for a dietician referral!

Yes she will need some carbs, complex ones like whole grains, green veg, seeds but most importantly right now she needs a medical review. She needs blood tests to check all of her levels and find out what’s going on with her diabetes. If her blood sugar has been elevated for a while then she’ll need all her annual checks as well for feet, eyes and liver/kidney checks.

Foods to try to get some extra calories and good fats would be things like smoothies made with avocado and/or nut butters, whole milk, full fat Greek yoghurt, full fat cream or cottage cheese. You can make pancakes with banana and full fat Greek yoghurt that are high calorie and easy to digest.

Plenty of protein is typically a good call, depending on underlying health issues in addition to diabetes. I work with a nutritionist, who advised I have 25g protein with breakfast, to stabilise blood sugar better throughout the day. For an elderly person for whom muscle loss will be an issue, this could also help provide some needed nutrition. I use sugar free protein powder which I can mix into porridge, or blend into a smoothie.

Lower GI fruit with whipped cream? But honestly @KvotheTheBloodless and @theDudesmummy are right, you need specialist advice when you have the combo of diabetes and antidepressants.

Some NHS advice on high calorie eating with diabetes:

https://www.uhsussex.nhs.uk/resources/high-calorie-high-protein-eating-in-diabetes/

People can be well meaning on here but you have no idea who they are or what qualifications/experience they have. If you can’t get her to the GP, have a look at reputable advice such as the above.