Pls help me get calories into my mum!

[Yannk]

My mum has fallen into a depression (I’m doing my best to manage this - she is getting help from a psychologist and is on medication). She lost my sister and step father in the space of 5 months last year.

She has just stopped eating. One small omelette will fill her up for the day. She looks awful.

She is also diabetic. So I thought meal replacement shakes that were low sugar would be good. But a lot seem quite sugary.

Im exhausted myself. Woke up early with a pit in my own stomach! Spent 40 mins looking for a good option but just getting myself so confused. Don’t want to exacerbate her type 2 diabetes (which she still has despite losing 80+ pounds and barely eating).

Any product recommendations would be SO helpful.

Ufit? Is the one I thought could work

Even if diabetic she still needs calories so don’t give her low sugar stuff right now. Go with things like milkshakes, yoghurt, soup, ice cream, fruit juice, scrambled eggs - anything that will get some energy into her and help her feel physically better. Encourage food little and often even if it’s just a few mouthfuls at a time. Worry about sugar once she’s getting a decent amount of food in again.

Her diabetic team should review her medication since she’s not eating much especially if she’s on insulin as she could he at risk of hypos.

When my mum had low appetite I found it really helped not to overface her. A few small bite size cubes of frittata, crustless quiche (supermarket) or tiny triangle sandwiches to nibble on - I would cut the crusts off a sandwich, the cut into into 8 triangles and just give her 3 or 4. Small bite size cubes of chocolate brownie or lemon or carrot cake - obviously adapt for diabetes. All quite spread out and arranged prettily on the plate, like a toddler portion. I put the plate on a table next to her and we both had a cup of tea while we chatted or watched TV. Then she'd eat a few pieces of food almost without realising.

Drinks - hot chocolate or milky tea with sugar. Ice cream, one small scoop in tiny dish or other small easy to eat puddings like creme caramel or jelly. Calories are important but can be overwhelming...sometimes tiny steps to reawaken the appetite seemed to help.

You need an urgent gp appointment OP. Has she moved to a new area? Takes she have a GP?

Do not get diabetes advice on here - most of these comments will make your mothers type two worse.
diabetes isn’t just about carbs & foods, there is SO many factors that effect blood sugars including stress. She needs to see her endocrinologist.

This is the Fortisip with more protein in, might be useful as a top up:

www.nutricia.co.uk/patients-carers/pim-products/fortisip-compact-protein.html

You can also contact them for advice.

Echo others with regards to GP/dietician input. Things like rolo yoghurts are small with lots of calories, I wouldn't worry too much about the sugar at this point.

You need medical help, this is too much for you to manage on your own x

I really think if you can get her to see her GP, that would be the best option.

She has lost a lot of weight, is that loss over a year or over a shorter time frame ? Was she significantly overweight before the loss and is now an average sort of weight or is she now underweight ?
How are you monitoring her blood sugars ? Does she have a worn device attached to her skin or does she finger prick ?

Just read through posts. Appreciate everyone who took time to reply. I will maybe ask for a different gp who (current is quite passive).

My mum was overweight before the weight loss but didn’t look terrible for it (165 pounds).

@Yannk hope you manage to get a GP appointment soon.

This is all well and good OP but if she has given up, there is little you can do other than continue the wonderful love and care that you are so diligently giving her.
She needs the trauma/bereavement care from the professional source already in place.

I was in your position some years ago, due to utterly horrific trauma, loss and bereavement my relative gave up, stopped eating & drinking and despite the loving support and care from the whole family, she faded away as was her wish and seemed to find some peace in latter weeks prior to her death.
She literally died of a broken heart and would never recover.
I feel for you deeply, it was by far the hardest thing I ever dealt with after the initial trauma of loosing our other deeply loved family member.

see the GP but in the meantime, aim for calorie dense meals rather than more. Add fats, cream, oils, cheese garlore where ever you can. Would she have a shake or a smoothie? You could really create very rich ones that way if she doesn't like eating.

GP may also be able to prescribe ensure. These are small but very calorie dense shakes that can help with weight gain.

The gp okayed the Huel. Mum had no problem getting it down. I’m so relieved. 800 calories in her so far and I’m sure I can get her to eat a bit of a very calorific omelette later.

It was extremely exhausting when I posted. I had had to watch my mum eat a sausage for 30 mins and plead with her to do that.

Has the GP set up a dietician appointment for her/you as well to help? When Dad needed to put weight on the dietician told Mum small meals, little and often, have gaps between courses to make it easier to consume food, and add fat (cream, butter, full fat greek yogurt, cheese, avocados, whole milk) to everything you'd normally eat so, e.g. stir some cream or butter into a soup or casserole, add cheese to a pasta dish, have fruit with cream or yoghurt, drink tea with whole milk not skimmed.

I’ve been putting cream in everything!

Could you make her some smoothies?
With full fat yogurt and milk and some fruit eg banana and peanut butter.

A few high calorie small meals I make my gran when trying to make her eat (she’s not diabetic though so just for inspiration)-

Boiled eggs mashed in a cup with lots of butter
Cheese and crackers with the cheese cut really chunky
rice pudding made with cream and peanut butter mixed in
avocado on toast with the avocado mashed so she can’t tell there’s loads of it
Olives
cups of Horlicks or hot chocolate with full fat milk
homemade butter pie
apples with peanut butter to dip

I’ve a similar problem, my DM isn’t eating enough either. One thing that’s been successful is fish and chips from the local chippy, it’s something she’s always eaten and still likes enough to eat a small portion. I don’t know anything about diabetes so can’t advise on that. My DM doesn’t really like dairy and won’t drink shakes, she also doesn’t like anything sweet really, apart from fruit. It isn’t easy. We get best results with meat and veg, sausage and mash and stews / casseroles. Like a pp upthread, DM doesn’t take to fortifying her diet, she just doesn’t like smoothies, cream, extra butter, avocados etc. Hope that helps.

Whatever you give her she won’t eat or drink it. She probably knows that she is starving herself and that is what she wants to do.
My mother is doing exactly the same thing.

She has also started to avoid eating with us and tells us she is eating lots of food when we aren’t there. Clearly not telling the truth.

Mash a banana and incorporate as much cream as you can. My dm would always eat this, even when I had to spoon feed her.

There is some good advice here from dietitians; https://www.malnutritionpathway.co.uk/library/pleaflet_yellow.pdf

'Real' food is the best choice. Offer food little and often and provide a nutrient and calorie dense drink between meals. Don't try to replace meals with supplement drinks, they aren't usually balanced nutrition and should only be used be used in specific circumstances, to 'top up' rather then replace meals.

Let the GP know what weight she has lost and over what period of time, they'll use this to determine if she needs additional nutritional support.

Is she on medication and / or insulin for her diabetes? Some meds for diabetes can reduce appetite (GLP1s like mounjaro) and might need to be reviewed.

Is she remembering to take her insulin if she has Type 1? Very high blood sugar can lead to rapid weight loss in undiagnosed diabetics. If she's not taking the insulin she could be hyperglycaemic.

As PP have said, nuts and seeds have very high calories. Could you make her some home made bread or savoury biscuits with some of the flour swapped for almond flour, and some seeds in it. Ask her to eat one piece with her omelette each day.

Could you put double cream into her omelette

I think I'd be asking the doc to check her pancreas and abdomen, to rule out anything there.

However the depression is not helping either, the poor thing.

Just to mention I was exactly the same except I didn't have diabetes and wasn't depressed. I just lost my appetite, nothing appealed to me and I lived on actimel and yogurt for weeks on end. Nothing worked. In the end I had all the ultrasounds and finally a gastroscopy which found I had the Helicobacter Pylori infection. It causes ulcers and has an effect on appetite too. Once treated I was ok again.

Just throwing that in. I had my pancreas, liver, gall bladder etc. etc. checked with ultrasound also, before the gastroscopy. I lost two stones in weight, but have regained that now thankfully. Took around a year though to feel ok again and eat correctly.