To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

[Fallinleaves]

I’ll start… 3 days ago I took a chunk out of my thumb whilst putting my socks on because I had a really rough toenail I hadn’t noticed. It’s like a paper cut but worse! Still hurts, still stings with everything that touches it 3 days on 😭. Please make me feel better….

I have a long list but I think my personal favourite is giving myself a black eye and bloody nose trying to pull my duvet up in bed. Punched myself right in the face.

My most embarrassing one was at an aquarium when I was a teenager, looking through one of those half bubble windows, leaned too far in, face planted the glass, slid down and cut my chin on the frame at the bottom. The way it bruised made me look like I had a beard for about 2 weeks.

I'm that accident prone that when my darling mil phones dp every Saturday,the second question out of her mouth is 'has delboy had any accidents this week?'
(The first question is 'what's the weather like?')

Fell off a stool while decorating and 8 months pregnant and broke my elbow

Fell over the front door mat,broke two toes and a year to the day,did exactly the same thing to the same two toes

Broke my nose at school,I was shit at sport-they knew it and I didn't want to do it
I was stood to the side in the gym and was hit in the face with a volleyball

Punched myself in the face while swimming-massive nosebleed

Whacked myself in the face with a badminton racquet-huge black eye

Fell over a wet floor sign at work (that I'd put there 4 seconds earlier) and slipped on a wet floor,tumbling head first down the stairs

Broke a finger at work by trapping it in a door

Got my arm trapped in the drinks machine and had to wait 15 minutes until the handyman could get me out

I've slammed the car boot on my own head

Went for a walk with dp and tripped over a pothole-had to have stitches in my forehead

Pulled my back out by standing up/picking up my handbag/picking up my baby

Burned my hand on my hair straighteners more times than I care to admit

Aged 14,my mother handed me a jar full of boiling water and told me to shake it
I did and it exploded
I lost all the skin and hair off my privates,had to walk like a crab for weeks and walk to the doctors everyday for weeks to have it dressed
(She refused to drive me there-i had to walk and have it dressed)

Smashed a glass and had the smallest piece of glass in my finger and foot for weeks

As a child,I was in the child seat on the back of my dad's bike
He was cycling along,ignoring me screaming and finally got to my aunts house
She came out,took one look at me and noticed I'd put my heel on the wheel and my ankle was sliced to the bone-blood everywhere
I still have the scar and it still blisters 45 years on

Was taking newborn dd upstairs in her car seat and slipped
Somehow,as I was on my way down the stairs,i managed to cling onto the car seat,using me as a cushion
She was fine-i broke 3 ribs

I'm that bad,my manager has taken me aside to ask if dp is beating me up
He soon realised I'm just a clumsy twit

Layed down in bed, on my phone, dropped phone on my face and split my lip open!
Worked in a shop at the time. The amount of customers that asked me if I'd been punched in the face was ridiculous! Lol!!!

I managed to get run over by the car I was sitting in.

There was a very slight bend in the kurb and and in a rush I stepped out of the back seat before driver had fully stopped and went straight under the back tyre.

I was stuck in this weird position where I was under the tyre but holding on to the footwell for dear life.

Had tyre print embedded on my legs for 2 day after.

Not an injury per se, other than to my pride.

Moved into a "vintage" flat and got stuck in the lift on moving in day for an hour, requiring maintenance to come out.

Vacated one year later. On moving out day, confident that lightening doesn't strike twice etc...... two hours stuck in the lift while DP and friends did the heavy lifting. There were suspicions I'd done it on purpose to get out of the hard work.....

DelboytrottersDnecklace

I'd like to slap both your parents!!! Some of your stories remind me of Sue Perkins talking about her clumsiness, which in her case turned out to be dyspraxia.

These stories are making me feel a lot better but here goes my stupid injuries:
-fell off breakfast bar stool in kitchen, broken wrist

• fell over by Lake Bala in Wales whilst on holiday, broke other wrist.
• celebrating one week of bring a qualified teacher, dancing at Fridge in Brixton. Slipped on dance floor, broke all four fingers on right hand, dislocated right knee & broke left femer.
• tripped down 2 steps in holiday apt in Tenerife whilst sober (I'm tea-total!), gave myself a spiral fracture in my right foot & shattered my left knee cap. Nearly ended up on a medi-flight home, ended up having to purchase 2 additional seats for plane home, pay for hospital care etc...thank goodness for insurance!

I am disabled & now use a walking stick or wheelchair so there's been a reduction in stupid injuries over the years but I did recently give myself a nosebleed & black eye (plural) by whacking myself in the face with my own walking stick....teenage DD is used to her Mum doing daft crap like this!

I did something similar
Had the baby gatw on the stairs about 3 or 4 stairs up, decided to step over it as it made a noise when opening and i didn't want the kids to wake up, only my foot slipped and I fell onto it, cut my labia needed 5 stitches and the brusing went almost too my knees.

I did that once. I was trying to hold onto my bag at the same time as climbing over, so I wasn't keeping grip properly as I tried to bridge the stile. Slipped and landed thwack on my arse, dear God the pain. My whole right arse cheek was bruised for weeks. I should have just swung my fucking bag over first and picked it up once I was safely over myself. 🤦‍♀️

Reminds me of doing A level chemistry and getting, I think, silver nitrate on my hands which went brownish/black, the manageress at the shop where I had my Saturday job made me clear our the stockrooms for the day rather than serve customers!
The separating burgers reminds me of my late OH who managed to skewer his hand doing just that, we went up to the military medical centre where they stitched his palm with the words, 'You don't need anaesthetic for a little scratch do you Sir' they were used to battlefield wounds but he was a wussy teacher! Daughter 1 kept saying 'Well, I wanted fish fingers!'
We'd not been in our new-to-us house when I got up during the night for the loo, didn't put a light on and stumbled half asleep trying to find the en suite, found a door and dashed in, smacking my head on the door frame of the opposite bedroom, I'd opened the wrong door. I had to go round Rome a couple of days later with a violent looking red mark from my forehead and down my nose, as well as two black eyes.

😆😆 exactly like that! It was so painful but I was laughing and crying at the same time, rolling on the grass clutching my nose. I no longer use the short tined rakes that hide in the grass. I have a large bright orange plastic one that can’t flip up!

😂😂 sorry 💐

😂

😂😂

Bloody hell. The first post ive not laugh at.
Sorry

Went into the garage and some stacked chairs fell onto my head. Implausible but true.Had a huge egg on my head and two huge black eyes for ages.

After painting the garage, i noticed large weeds on the roof so used old step ladders to go up. Sadly on t9he way down, ladders fell from under me. I dangled there for a bit before hitting concrete. Walked away but next morning i was a mass of black bruising all over my body.

Need to swerve DIY and the garage.

I fell off a skateboard and broke mt wrist. I was 40.

Stood on garden rake I didn’t see it, it hit me in face causing a black eye. Didn’t know I was bruised attended a meeting about my sen child at school with black eye!

Sneezed and headbutted the cupboard door I was still holding.

Slid fully down stairs due to fluffy slippers and silky pj bottoms. Had nail marks in walls as I tried to slow down the speed.

Bent down to get meat out of oven WITHOUT oven mitts. Yes I was totally sober as well.

Used wax on my bikini line (first and last time) was left with extremely red skin looked like I was wearing French knickers.

Hair removal mousse needed something from downstairs went back up to bathroom to wait allotted time it had spread everywhere I was left with a tuff, I call that hair removal the Glastonbury tor.

Gave myself a paper cut with a carrot...

I was throwing an old, slightly mushy carrot out for the wildlife to eat, and had pinched it with my nails. As I lobbed it, somehow the bit of carrot I had cut into with my nails must have slid across the skin of my fingertips, slicing it like a knife. Jesus did it hurt! And of course no sympathy from anyone, only laughter and incredulity 😂

"Aged 14,my mother handed me a jar full of boiling water and told me to shake it
I did and it exploded"

😲 Why the actual fuck did she do that??! That's horrendous! I'm sorry, your mother sounds dreadful. ☹️

I wore some new shoes on a night out. Despite realising they were rubbing me whilst dancing, I continued to dance and caused the most horrific blister EVER. Would anyone care to see a photo??

Ps...the blister warranted a visit to a and e !!

Omg, what the hell..that's so cruel 😢

I did that with some nu shooz. Both my big toenails later fell off due to the swelling. I'm sure everyone will be relieved that I don't have photos. I'm relieved that they grew back fully. (this was 17 years ago).

Here's the offending blister...