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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have checked how I am?

107 replies

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:37

Yesterday I was involved in an incident with the police. Basically I was in a car that my friend was driving extremely dangerously and I called the police to stop him. He was stopped and arrested for drink driving (I didn't know he was drunk). I'm quite shaken up and obviously the friendship is over. DP is furious because it was our car my friend was driving, but not once has he asked if I'm OK. I've also had to do a witness statement for the police which wasn't nice because it's against my (ex) friend and emotionally I feel quite upset. DP is barely talking to me.

AIBU to have expected him to ask how I am or at least shown some sort of care about me?

Genuinely don't know if AIBU.

(and oh changed username for this one.)

OP posts:
HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 28/05/2025 20:03

Kangarude · 28/05/2025 19:37

I’m wondering how the friend came to be driving the car at all?
Did you pick him up OP or did he come to your house? How did he get there?
It all seems very odd and I too would be annoyed if I was your DP

All questions I'd like am answer to too - just can't picture it.
Also did you ask him to stop or slow down @PoloGirl? Before calling 999 Confused

Randomuser9812 · 28/05/2025 20:14

SleepingisanArt · 26/05/2025 21:59

OP there are very few fully comprehensive insurance policies which cover you driving other people's cars. It used to be common but has been tightened up in recent years and the policies which do allow it are either extremely expensive or are for people in the motor trade. Essentially you could have been being driven by an uninsured driver in your car which means if there had been an accident you were not covered....

Mine does (RAC). It’s very normal. So does my sister’s.

Randomuser9812 · 28/05/2025 20:18

itiswhatitishey · 28/05/2025 19:32

I’m trying to imagine how you’d fake a conversation with the emergency services that made him think you were talking to your daughter, and I can’t

Why can’t you imagine that?

Eminybob · 28/05/2025 20:21

Absolute bullshit.

You want him to slow down then surely you want him to know you are calling the police. What do you have to gain by doing it stealth?

ZoggyStirdust · 28/05/2025 20:29

If you’d posted that your husband had taken their car, let his female friend drive, who then turned out to be drunk and had an accident after driving dangerously you’d be solidly in LTB territory…

probably with a large slug of “they’re probably having an affair”

BakelikeBertha · 28/05/2025 20:31

I thought if you had fully comp. that you were only insured third party if driving someone else's car??

I'm afraid I'd have been mad at you too OP. Did this friend of yours turn up at your house and suggest a trip to the beach, and if so, was he on foot, as if he came by car then why didn't you go in his car?

Also, how does your DH normally react to this 'friend', as lots of men wouldn't be happy about their wives going out in a car with another man, unless he happens to be a friend of both of you. I think we need more of a back story as to how you ended up going out with him in the first place.

ZoggyStirdust · 28/05/2025 20:32

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

Hang on. Was the damage there or did you lie for him?

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 20:36

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

How did your car get to the beach?

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 20:53

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

According to Google the limit is 80 so at 57 he can't have been drunk as you say.
You gave him permission to drive your car so it's not taking without consent. He had your consent

CaptainFuture · 28/05/2025 20:54

itiswhatitishey · 28/05/2025 19:32

I’m trying to imagine how you’d fake a conversation with the emergency services that made him think you were talking to your daughter, and I can’t

I'm sure there's an episode of 911 about that....

Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/05/2025 21:02

This is all a load of tosh.

ThisOldThang · 28/05/2025 21:03

Are you having an affair with the drunk driver?

grumpygrape · 28/05/2025 21:04

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 20:53

According to Google the limit is 80 so at 57 he can't have been drunk as you say.
You gave him permission to drive your car so it's not taking without consent. He had your consent

Show quote history

If we are talking UK the breath limit is 35. You and Google may have found the blood limit of 80 but the OP said he blew so it would be the breath limit.

Sherararara · 28/05/2025 21:10

Given that none of this happened, no your DH Isn’t unreasonable to ask if you are ok.
Though I caveat that - perhaps he should be asking instead about your apparent mental health issues.

Elektra1 · 28/05/2025 21:18

I’d be pissed off if my partner let a third party drive our car because in those circs you only have third party insurance at best - not fully comp (unless for some odd reason your friend is named on your policy). And given what transpired, that was a significant risk to take with your car and your safety. It’s never been suggested to me that I drive someone else’s car, nor have I ever asked to, and I wouldn’t unless it was a dire emergency.

Miyagi99 · 28/05/2025 21:22

I’d assume my partner would know I wasn’t okay but was furious regarding the whole situation, including my safety and also that I was in that position in the first place (even if that wasn’t my fault).

Miyagi99 · 28/05/2025 21:24

Not at all.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/05/2025 21:32

Fuzziduck · 28/05/2025 18:38

Fully comp no longer means you can automatically drive another car - though you can specifically ask for it to be added.

should have seen his insurance cert before he drove your car tbh.

I can drive another car third party only and I didn't ask for it to be added to my policy, it was automatic

FortyElephants · 28/05/2025 21:36

PoloGirl · 28/05/2025 18:36

No I didn’t check the insurance, I just trusted him.
he honestly did not appear drunk either or I would never have got in the car, obviously.
He didn’t know I was on the phone to the police because I pretended it was my dd and the 999 lady played along.

He was arrested on suspicion of driving while over the legal limit, taking a car without consent and criminal damage. This last one won’t stick because I told them multiple times that the damage was there before he drove the car.

He called me yesterday and told me that the police haven’t charged him with anything, even though he blew over the limit (57) in the police station. He’s been released pending further investigation for everything he was arrested for …does that sound right??

Of course they haven't charged him if he was only arrested yesterday. Charging comes later once they have gathered all the evidence and sent it to CPS for a charging decision.

lisaolay · 28/05/2025 21:38

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 28/05/2025 19:24

...taking a car without consent...
Surely this won't stick either, as you gave him permission??
Is 57 high? I've no idea - but if it is, how did you not know?

Show quote history

Think 35 is the legal limit so yes it is.

lisaolay · 28/05/2025 21:39

FortyElephants · 28/05/2025 21:36

Of course they haven't charged him if he was only arrested yesterday. Charging comes later once they have gathered all the evidence and sent it to CPS for a charging decision.

Show quote history

They should have charged him for drink driving he blew quite a bit over the limit.

Hallywally · 28/05/2025 21:49

It’s a weird situation. Why didn’t you just drive your own car? Feels like there’s something else going on.

Hallywally · 28/05/2025 21:53

Seen the bit about undergoing eye tests. Why didn’t your friend just drive you in his car? How did he get to your house beforehand? You didn’t smell any alcohol on him at all? Was it the middle of the day? Whose idea was it to take the dog to the beach? Why? The whole story doesn’t add up.

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 22:01

grumpygrape · 28/05/2025 21:04

If we are talking UK the breath limit is 35. You and Google may have found the blood limit of 80 but the OP said he blew so it would be the breath limit.

Show quote history

That makes sense

Cosyblankets · 28/05/2025 22:03

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/05/2025 21:32

I can drive another car third party only and I didn't ask for it to be added to my policy, it was automatic

Show quote history

It depends on the company. It's no longer standard across the board

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