Page 2 | To think he should have checked how I am?

PoloGirl · 2025-05-26T20:37:02+00:00

Yesterday I was involved in an incident with the police. Basically I was in a car that my friend was driving extremely dangerously and I called the police to stop him. He was stopped and arrested for drink driving (I didn't know he was drunk). I'm quite shaken up and obviously the friendship is over. DP is furious because it was our car my friend was driving, but not once has he asked if I'm OK. I've also had to do a witness statement for the police which wasn't nice because it's against my (ex) friend and emotionally I feel quite upset. DP is barely talking to me. AIBU to have expected him to ask how I am or at least shown some sort of care about me? Genuinely don't know if AIBU. (and oh changed username for this one.)

SleepingisanArt · 26/05/2025 21:59

OP there are very few fully comprehensive insurance policies which cover you driving other people's cars. It used to be common but has been tightened up in recent years and the policies which do allow it are either extremely expensive or are for people in the motor trade. Essentially you could have been being driven by an uninsured driver in your car which means if there had been an accident you were not covered....

myplace · 26/05/2025 22:04

The insurance to drive other people’s cars is only third party. So he is covered legally but your car was not. Your car could have been written off and you’d have got nothing.

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 22:06

If you had been hurt, I'd say he should ask but you weren't. He's probably just irritated by the whole situation.

Did you call the police or did they see you? You've said both

Original poster

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 22:06

If you had been hurt, I'd say he should ask but you weren't. He's probably just irritated by the whole situation.

Did you call the police or did they see you? You've said both

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

OP posts:

Springadorable · 26/05/2025 22:14

So did you drive the car to go and meet him? Or he came to yours pissed and then you decided to go to the beach?

CC222 · 26/05/2025 22:14

Has your partner ever been jealous of you and this friend or with any male friends of yours?
Irrespective of why your friend was driving (because considering you called the police on him, you clearly wasn’t enabling reckless behaviour), so I’d be wondering if your partners cold response was due to jealousy.
I do think it’s cold for him not to be concerned about the way you must be feeling now. I can imagine you had a massive fright, and also feel a rollercoaster of emotions between knowing you done the right thing, but also knowing that meant your friend being (rightly so) arrested and now the end of that friendship.
You must have been terrified in that moment and I think it’s more than fair to expect some emotional support from your partner in the aftermath.
Is this your partner showing his true colours when a crisis situation has arised? His ego is more important than your safety. Huge red flag 🚩

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/05/2025 22:19

I keep seeing posts where posters claim they're fully comp so covered on any car and, unless there's DOC on the policy, its not true.

Does your friend not have his own car OP?

Gazelda · 26/05/2025 22:21

ex friend must have heard you speaking with the police. Why didn’t he slow down at that point? Why did he continue to drive so dangerously when being followed by police?

this is so strange.

im sorry you’ve been through something so scary. And yes, I think your DP should be showing a bit of caring and concern. But he’s possibly as confused at what happened and why as I am.

CaptainFuture · 26/05/2025 22:22

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

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So you phoned them.while he was driving, and he didn't stop, and carried on to a police chase?

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/05/2025 22:23

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

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Makes sense actually!

Hope you're ok OP it's scary isn't it. Happened to me once but they hadn't been drinking thankfully.

Ditch the friend for good and give your partner time to cool off. That's what i'd do.

Bigsigh24 · 26/05/2025 22:25

You were in the car with him, called the police, assuming he heard the call, but didn’t slow down ?

yeah get why your other half is annoyed on this, chalk it up to a bad choice on your part and suck it up, shit friend btw x

FarmGirl78 · 26/05/2025 22:32

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 21:54

He has fully comp so entitled to drive other cars with owner’s permission. That’s what he told me anyway.

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Lots of insurance companies have stopped doing this these days. I'm fully comp but it doesn't cover me on any car, and I mentioned this to a few people at work who didn't believe me, and they've checked and some realised they weren't covered either.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 26/05/2025 22:38

PoloGirl · 26/05/2025 22:12

I called them but they said they needed to see his bad driving for themselves before they pulled him over.

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So you called the police while sat next to him, and having heard that he carried on driving recklessly for long enough for them to get there and witness his driving for themselves? That's... unusual.

If he were covered it would only be 3rd party, so you'd not have been covered.

You're either very naive or not quite telling the truth.

Does he not have a vehicle? Did he come to your house and then drive your car from there? And he was hammered in the middle of the day? Who is this friend to you and DP?

In the circumstances, I would probably have expected to be asked, but then for him to be furious that I was so irresponsible.

IfItWereMe · 26/05/2025 22:41

I am not surprised your partner is furious. Who owns/ drives/ pays for insurance of the car? As a PP pointed out- fully comprehensive insurance usually only provides third party insurance. That’s if he even HAD fully comprehensive insurance- you didn’t check. Shockingly irresponsible behaviour. In the event of an accident “your” car would not have been covered- not a penny. Can you afford to just write off the cost of the car ? Your partner knows you are not hurt. His anger is probably a very understandable mix of anger that you would put yourself in such a dangerous situation, that you had apparently no concern for your car and that you did all that for a “ friend” who could have killed you and others.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 26/05/2025 22:48

Your partner is very unkind, as are many posters on here. The car insurance etc is secondary - you were in very real danger and had to call the police to protect you and others. Anyone who responds to that by being angry is a twat imo.

goldtaps · 26/05/2025 22:52

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.
If I was your partner I’d be annoyed or frustrated at the situation I think.
youve ended up being driven in your car, by a drunk friend and had to call the police. Did the friend come to your house first? How did they get there? What time was all this? You had no idea he’d been drinking? How? It’s pretty obvious most of the time when someone has been drinking.

you’re not unreasonable to want your OH to ask you if you’re okay….but you are okay…you’re not injured. I don’t think the situation is something most people would need emotional support to overcome

MsJinks · 26/05/2025 22:57

It is hard to believe your friend appeared sober and sensible, yet 10 minutes later was driving so dangerously for no reason except a high perhaps, but he’d be known for this surely, you’d know he’s a crazy driver. Alcohol in lesser amounts usually causes people to be over careful of speed limits and not that insane, so it either wasn’t just that or he was totally smashed. Otherwise you just don’t know him/his driving at all. So in any of these scenarios 99.9% of folk wouldn’t let him drive their car.
If I had to guess you must all be early 20s - but at any age I’d be absolutely enraged if any of my relatives let such a situation happen. And as long as it was clear no limbs were severed then I’d not bother asking if they were ok before losing my shit over it. I expect your husband is enraged, baffled and waiting for a genuine apology rather than a whine about how bad it was for you - might seem harsh but I’d give a sorry a try. You probably did scare him with how recklessly you got yourself in danger too - cos I’m sure he still cares, he’s just very angry, and I think he’s got fair reason - be sensible about it and he’ll calm down, and be back to being caring.

JLou08 · 26/05/2025 23:00

CC222 · 26/05/2025 22:14

Has your partner ever been jealous of you and this friend or with any male friends of yours?
Irrespective of why your friend was driving (because considering you called the police on him, you clearly wasn’t enabling reckless behaviour), so I’d be wondering if your partners cold response was due to jealousy.
I do think it’s cold for him not to be concerned about the way you must be feeling now. I can imagine you had a massive fright, and also feel a rollercoaster of emotions between knowing you done the right thing, but also knowing that meant your friend being (rightly so) arrested and now the end of that friendship.
You must have been terrified in that moment and I think it’s more than fair to expect some emotional support from your partner in the aftermath.
Is this your partner showing his true colours when a crisis situation has arised? His ego is more important than your safety. Huge red flag 🚩

Alternatively, maybe partner seen the red flags with the ex-friend and is pissed off that OP let herself get in this situation. I can say with a high amount of certainty that none of my friends would act the way ex-friend has in this situation. Unless you are naive you can usually spot the type of people who would act so erratically.

TheSlantedOwl · 26/05/2025 23:06

Mean of him not to check how you are.

MissBattleaxe · 26/05/2025 23:14

I'm not surprised your partner is annoyed. Change the situation around and ask how you would feel if he had done that? It was incredibly irresponsible.

Fruitbat99 · 26/05/2025 23:17

myplace · 26/05/2025 22:04

The insurance to drive other people’s cars is only third party. So he is covered legally but your car was not. Your car could have been written off and you’d have got nothing.

That's not true at all. I'm fully comp and can drive other cars.

ReginaPhalange01 · 26/05/2025 23:27

Fruitbat99 · 26/05/2025 23:17

That's not true at all. I'm fully comp and can drive other cars.

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I work in car insurance and even with a fully comp policy driving other cars covers them third party only. The other poster is correct

SlightlyFurther · 26/05/2025 23:34

MissBattleaxe · 26/05/2025 23:14

I'm not surprised your partner is annoyed. Change the situation around and ask how you would feel if he had done that? It was incredibly irresponsible.

I’d be furious in his shoes, even if part of that fury was at you recklessly putting yourself in danger, totally unnecessarily.

CC222 · 26/05/2025 23:49

JLou08 · 26/05/2025 23:00

Alternatively, maybe partner seen the red flags with the ex-friend and is pissed off that OP let herself get in this situation. I can say with a high amount of certainty that none of my friends would act the way ex-friend has in this situation. Unless you are naive you can usually spot the type of people who would act so erratically.

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She said she had eye problems and that’s why she let him drive, so I’m sure she trusted this friend. It’s unlikely she would have given this friend so much responsibility to then call the police, if she knew this was likely to happen. Because she would also be at risk of getting in trouble by the police for handing her keys over, if she knew he was plastered

JLou08 · 27/05/2025 00:03

CC222 · 26/05/2025 23:49

She said she had eye problems and that’s why she let him drive, so I’m sure she trusted this friend. It’s unlikely she would have given this friend so much responsibility to then call the police, if she knew this was likely to happen. Because she would also be at risk of getting in trouble by the police for handing her keys over, if she knew he was plastered

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A sensible, rational person who was a good judge of character and good at assessing situations would not allow this to happen. Unfortunately there are a lot of people who are not all or any of these things. That's how things like this happen.