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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding on daughters 1st bday?

54 replies

Magicboobies · 26/05/2025 15:48

We have been invited to a child free wedding of my husbands friend from university on my daughters first birthday. She is our 3rd DC.

I am in a dilemma what to do. We don’t spend a lot of time without the children and I know DH would really like to see his old friends. DD has only been left with max a few hours without me on couple of occasions so far, and is breastfed on demand.

His parents would be able to mind the children (they live 1.5 hours away from the venue, but is 4 hours away from our house).

I’m feeling super guilty that I really don’t think I want to leave DD on her birthday. I’m aware she won’t know. But also aware if I leave her on her birthday when not left much she will spend plenty of time of that wanting me and seems unfair to do on her birthday too.

I’m personally not bothered at all about the wedding but I know DH will love to go and see his old friends.

so wise mums net users -
YABU = go to the wedding
YANBU = celebrate with DD and kids

thanks ❤️

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/05/2025 15:50

He goes without you and you celebrate the birthday on another day 🤷‍♀️

Iloveeverycat · 26/05/2025 15:50

He goes on his own

kublacant · 26/05/2025 15:50

I agree with the first reply, can your DH go alone to the wedding?

Original poster
Magicboobies · 26/05/2025 15:51

kublacant · 26/05/2025 15:50

I agree with the first reply, can your DH go alone to the wedding?

Yes he could do I think this is probably best of both worlds :)

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 26/05/2025 15:52

She’s 1. She doesn’t know it’s her birthday. Just make it the weekend before / after instead.

LlynTegid · 26/05/2025 15:53

Celebrate if you must on another day. It's not as if your DC will remember that you did not celebrate on the actual day.

DonningMyHardHat · 26/05/2025 15:53

DD went to nursery on her first and second birthdays! She didn’t know! Just do her birthday a day early and then have a guilt free adult evening out, knowing she has new toys to play with and grandparents to dote on her.

LittlePudding1 · 26/05/2025 15:53

Years ago my best friends wedding was the day of my daughters 2nd birthday but I figured she wouldn’t know so we just pretended it was her birthday the following day and celebrated then.
If you’re not bothered about going to the wedding though stay with the kids and dh can go in his own, it’s a good excuse not to go

Threecraws · 26/05/2025 16:01

A think a first birthday is mainly of significance to a mum because it is also anniversary of giving birth and can be quite emotional because of that, so I would really think about what you want to do first. If your oh is happy to go by himself, that might be best solution.

Doingmybest12 · 26/05/2025 16:09

It would be a huge dilemma for me. I think I'd be tempted to do the whole birthday thing the day before or after , mostly for the older children to enjoy all together as a family.

scotstars · 26/05/2025 16:11

He should go to the wedding and you celebrate another day. Baby won't know my dc 1st birthday they had an upset stomach and we cancelled plans last minute!

BethDuttonYeHaw · 26/05/2025 16:12

I’d go to the wedding

CarpetKnees · 26/05/2025 16:16

If I had been lucky enough to have had Grandparents who were willing and able to look after the dc, then I would go without a doubt.
You can still do whatever it is you want to do to mark her birthday, the week before or week afterwards. It won't make a jot of difference.

The only issue is that you are still breastfeeding on demand (though will you be then?). I know that 1 year olds can drink cows milk and they also eat food, but haven't had a 1 yr old who was still breastfeeding, so am not aware how much of an issue this would be.

However, if you choose not to go, then I would still encourage your dh to go without you. Again, celebrating your little one's birthday the week before or week afterwards. No issue with that, even when they are old enough to know what the date is, but clearly no issue with a 1 yr old who will have no concept.

Comedycook · 26/05/2025 16:17

I'd go to the wedding... celebrate your dds birthday the day before or the day after...she's not going to know!

Tiredalwaystired · 26/05/2025 16:17

What time is the wedding? Can’t you do cake and presents in the morning and head out later in the day? Then have a family party the following day (or week depending on expected hangover)

BMW6 · 26/05/2025 16:19

At 1 year old is she even going to know its her birthday? Why not celebrate it the day before or after?

Honestly is it a Big Deal?

Original poster
Magicboobies · 26/05/2025 16:23

CarpetKnees · 26/05/2025 16:16

If I had been lucky enough to have had Grandparents who were willing and able to look after the dc, then I would go without a doubt.
You can still do whatever it is you want to do to mark her birthday, the week before or week afterwards. It won't make a jot of difference.

The only issue is that you are still breastfeeding on demand (though will you be then?). I know that 1 year olds can drink cows milk and they also eat food, but haven't had a 1 yr old who was still breastfeeding, so am not aware how much of an issue this would be.

However, if you choose not to go, then I would still encourage your dh to go without you. Again, celebrating your little one's birthday the week before or week afterwards. No issue with that, even when they are old enough to know what the date is, but clearly no issue with a 1 yr old who will have no concept.

Thanks! Yes I think I’m going to be feeling guilty whether I go or don’t haha. DH will go either way.
yes plan to BF till at least 2 years hopefully. Planning that she’ll drink water or expressed or cows milk when I’m not there that’s what what my bigger 2 did anyway but took them a few weeks to adapt when I went back to work😅I’m planning to return to work the week after her birthday :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicboobies · 26/05/2025 16:25

scotstars · 26/05/2025 16:11

He should go to the wedding and you celebrate another day. Baby won't know my dc 1st birthday they had an upset stomach and we cancelled plans last minute!

Oh no ! 😭

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 26/05/2025 16:25

If he does go to the wedding without you then I wouldn’t celebrate her birthday on that day or her dad will miss out,

Like others have said, celebrate her birthday the day before (or after) and go enjoy the wedding.

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/05/2025 16:25

Will your other children know its her birthday?

She won't know. Its whether YOU will enjoy the wedding knowing its her birthday.

blubberyboo · 26/05/2025 16:29

The sensible answer is that he goes alone as they aren't your close friends and you want to be with your daughter.

Although when maternity leave was shorter many women were at work on their child's first birthday so it wouldn't be the end of the world if you celebrated it the day before.

Just go with your gut

Original poster
Magicboobies · 26/05/2025 17:01

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/05/2025 16:25

Will your other children know its her birthday?

She won't know. Its whether YOU will enjoy the wedding knowing its her birthday.

Yes they will possibly, as I imagine the in laws would celebrate if we weren’t there :) they are 5 and nearly 3 so won’t mind. I will though I know it’s silly really 🙃

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 26/05/2025 17:06

She won't know anything about it. Just have a party on a different day

Endofyear · 26/05/2025 20:05

I wouldn't leave any of my kids on their birthday, no matter how old. Just let DH go to the wedding if he wants to.

WhatHaveIDone889 · 26/05/2025 20:10

That 1st birthday is more of a celebration for the parents than the baby. Just go to the wedding, have a lovely time. Celebrate with baby when you come back. She will literally have no clue what day of the week it is.

Besides, how much of a celebration would it be without dad there?