AIBU to find this comment baffling?

[MissAvainthesun]

I’ve been to quite a few baby celebrations recently and find this comment a bit bizarre when people are complimenting the baby.

“Oh he’s definitely…the dad’s he/she looks exactly him” or “there’s no doubt that’s his he/she looks exactly like them”.

I’ve been a bit baffled by it…have I missed something the mum/best friends have slept with someone else and I didn’t know but everyone else does? 🤣 I just find it a bit strange that some people don’t find saying this insulting i.e the person who’s saying it. In this case it was the Aunt and their MIL but everybody around them in agreement and saying yes they really do with no thought of do you hear what this person is possibly insinuating.

I don’t say anything as I don’t want to start anything or upset anyone.

Going to a celebration this afternoon where my friend is the mum and is aware of this type of comment, we are expecting to hear it as quite a few of the people are in the same friendship circle. So, what would you say that wouldn’t cause upset but just to get that person to think about how it sounds?

It's not meant to be rude, sometimes babies really resemble their parents.

Yes but a difference between “oh he’s the spitting image of his dad” and “oh he’s definitely Bob’s” as though paternity was in question. That’s most rude and I’ve never heard it!

Is it said in jest @MissAvainthesun ?

I agree with you just usually it’s something normal like “o he/she is gorgeous they look look just like you” not “there’s no doubt that’s his”…why would there be any doubt in the first place 🤣

I just wouldn't say anything. Who are you to police people's random comments? Sometimes new babies are ugly as sin and people will just say anything to say something nice. Sometimes they're the spitting image to such an extent it grabs you. etc etc

It's just something people say isn't it. Nobody is giving it any thought except you, if you said anything to them they'd think you were the odd one

"He's his father's son for sure"

"She's definitely her mother's daughter"

Those ^^ are fairly typical things to say (well, in Ireland anyway).

But if you're quoting them word for word, then you know some very odd people OP.

Some people say it in a bitchy, passive-aggressive way and some people say it because it's something inane to say about a baby.
My MIL, for example, on meeting DS for the first time post-birth, said confidently that he looked just like me and absolutely nothing like his dad (my DH) because she wanted to be nasty and plant that seed of doubt. DH of course just rolled his eyes because it was typical MIL bitchiness.

This is exactly what I mean…

yes I think it is said in jest mostly…there’s only one I’ve raised an eyebrow at and felt uncomfortable as the tone was different and made me think was there a question of paternity…that was someone’s sister and she’d had quite a few drinks and referred to the hen do shenanigans but she did have form for saying inappropriate things at other get togethers.

I think its pretty normal tbh. We all have strong family resemblance and it's common to hear Oh, he's definitely a Robinson, looks just like his dad.

It’s often said by people who want to claim the baby is genetically more on their side.

'No doubt that it's his' sounds a bit off. Like nobody said there was any doubt?!

It seems to imply there would be ambiguity about the kid's paternity so they needed to check who it looked like?!

Like 'crikey, I'm surprised he doesn't resemble the milkman'?!

They should just say 'oh, he's got Dave's eyes/nose/mouth/ he looks just like him'.

It's a weak joke, said in fondness.
If they actually questioned paternity, they wouldn't be saying it.

It's a really common thing to say, I'm not sure why it would cause confusion

yes this I think.

Although someone complemented Ds2's (aged 12) curly hair the other day. I said ' yes- everyone else has straight hair so it's quite unusual' and the person looked at DH, winked and suggested he check out if the postman has curly hair.

I know it was a joke but I felt it was in poor taste tbh.

Well thank you for the comments…9/10 I do think it is people just being lovely and not realising. Me and my friend who is also reading the comments will just have a giggle to ourselves after and count how many times we think there is a ‘doubt’ comment.

I’ve had this a lot over the years as my DS is the absolute spitting image of his dad. I went to all that effort gestating him and he appears to have absolutely none of my genes 😂

So yes, people have often said ‘Oh, there is no doubt who his dad is!’ Or they’ll say to my husband ‘Gosh, you can be sure he’s not the milkman’s!’

It’s a lame and old-fashioned joke but it doesn’t offend me in the slightest- it’s not like they actually believe I shagged the milkman! People are simply saying ‘he looks like his dad’ but trying to turn it into what they think is a funny joke. If people genuinely thought there was any doubt about paternity they certainly wouldn’t express those doubts as a public joke.

Yes, it’s just something people say. If they thought there were any real doubts about paternity they wouldn’t say it!

Another one I hear is “Well, he can’t deny him anyway” when baby looks like dad. (I’m in Ireland.)
The speaker isn’t actually trying to imply that there was any question about who fathered the child, it’s just a way of saying there’s a strong resemblance.

I don’t think I understand the objection to this phrase, it’s just. colloquial way of saying the baby looks like you which is a widely accepted comment around new babies.

I say it about myself when my kids do something that is exactly like me - it's just a comment on how alike we are!

It’s just a silly joke! ‘Oh you can’t deny him!’ when a baby looks very much like dad…
it’s a joke… 🤷🏼‍♀️

Babies aren’t generally that interesting, and it’s kind of hard to differentiate them in terms of creating unique conversations around particular babies so people tend to stick to tried and tested (and safe!) comments.

Oh, isn’t he very like Tom?
She had a healthy set of lungs, that’s for sure!
7lbs 2oz, wow, he’ll be a rugby player like his uncle.

It’s all just well-intentioned guff and filler.

Some people are just stupid and suffer from lack of filter. Comments when DH and I told family we were having DS when I was almost 40 included

‘Was it planned?’

‘You’re the last person I imagined having a baby!’

’An only is a lonely!’

@SlightlyFurther those are terrible comments 😢…when my friend who was 42 at the time announced she was pregnant one of her family members scoffed “bloody hell surely your ovaries are shrivelled up prunes and your breast milk would be powder by now” and yes that is the exact words they used you could have heard a pin drop on carpet…they don’t speak at all now.

It’s not that deep, it’s just a joke at the father’s expense

Most people don't really know what to say when meeting new babies for the first time other than "he's/she's gorgeous/sweet" and other cliches so maybe they try to spice it up a bit. It's a bit hard to know how to have an interesting discussion about a new baby once you've commented on how gorgeous they are so people scrape the barrel a bit.

It's just a joke, I used to say I had demanded a maternity test, as DS looked exactly like DH, not hint of me there whatsoever.