Are there people in your life where you just think ‘ I can’t wait until you’re a parent and finally get it and rub that smug look off your face ‘?

[doyuever]

This is a bit tongue in cheek and I know I’m evil. But DH has younger siblings and they just get on our nerves SO much. They just DON’T get it and have NO idea how hard it is to be a parent.

granted, neither did we. My DH was such an unsympathetic dick when my older sister had kids. She had her first and then two years later, she was blessed with twins. It was an absolute fucking nightmare.

a beautiful blessing, but very very very difficult time for her and her husband. I used to give a lot of moral support and try my absolute best to be there to help practically too. It was really tough and took it out of them.

my DH would say stuff like ‘ they’re not the first to have kids ‘ and ‘ they’re too dramatic and not the only people to have problems. They’re not the centre of the universe ‘.. he just didn’t get it at all.

now we are parents with small kids, he kicks himself for being such a dick and says how wrong he was.

now we have his siblings coming to see us a fair bit and they just don’t get it at all. Obviously. They try to give absolutely rubbish ‘ advice ‘ sometimes. They try to visit at 5-6pm sometimes and we’ve had to try to explain why that’s just not good right now. When we do talk about things being hard or we seem frazzled, they never have the emotional intelligence to say anything kind. ( we don’t generally say anything anymore about it being hard going as it’s just pointless ).

SIL just thinks it’s pretty much normal for mums to do it all. SIL was saying how when they were kids, the dad would go on overnight fishing trips with his friends almost every weekend… I said quite horrified that it must have been hard for their mum and she was like ‘ but why ? ‘… so no fucking clue what so ever!

me and DH say quite frequently that we just can’t wait until the have kids and we can finally understand each other again. ( they all want kids btw ).

can anyone relate ? It’s kind of funny but also annoying.

Oops edited as I double posted

Hahaha yes I do think it’s this, I don’t think they’re deliberately being ignorant or rude, it’s just most of them haven’t had kids under 4 in like 25 years, so they probably have forgotten (or ‘rose tinted’ like I did with after my first was born, I honestly didn’t remember the newborn stage being as bad as it was).

Lolz at u hun too babe! She said

’If I ever do have kids’ ergo she currently doesn’t.

Her wonderful friends ‘Aren’t like some of the parents who frequent threads like these’

’maybe because they’re (my friends) happier parents who really enjoy raising their kids. And just kinder more decent people.’

Then she describes the people on the thread as ‘the miserable parents who have the kind of resentment against childfree adults that we’ve seen displayed by some (not all) posters on this thread.’

So she thinks that though she doesn’t HAVE kids, she will be a kind decent person who enjoys raising them unlike the terrible people on this thread.

I love childfree people if they’re good craic and nice. I like all people if they’re good craic and nice. This thread isn’t about childfree people. It’s about patronising twats, many of whom have zero direct experience of child raising, who tell parents how much better they’d do it themselves, who I find ridiculous and irritating.

Doesnt cut too close to the bone for me, as I adore parenting, but it looks like it might for you, if it drives you to comment! lol!

There are many non grandparents on here who are EXACTLY the same ‘I just can’t imagine not wanting to help out my daughter by having the grandchildren every weekend / while she’s at work’ and variations of this.

Maybe reflect on how you feel about the non-parents telling you how much better at parenting they will be than you and then reflect on this.

Nope nope nope. Don’t you dare just let them decide it’s you.

stand your ground and say nope not me. If you are the only woman, outright ask them how that looks that they assumed you’ll be the one to stay back.
in fact suggest the most vocal one that is planning for you to stay back is instead the one to. Watch him squirm and try to justify his sexism.

ask him why he thinks it should he you and not another bloke.

Exactly, and their last experience of parenting was basically looking after a grown adult, which has its own challenges but isn't at all like looking after a baby or toddler.

I know I found the newborn stage with my DS very hard but I am totally rose-tinted when I look back. My memory has edited out the extraordinarily boring afternoons watching the clock waiting for DH to come home. I can only remember the lovely walks along the pier. My memories of DD are a bit more realistic though they are full of holes because I was so sleep deprived my brain wasn't functioning.

I look at my sister with a reception child and toddler and think 'did I ever do that?' I did, and I surivived, somehow. Looking at it from the outside it appears very very hard. From the inside it becomes sort of normal.

Are there people in your life where you just think ‘ I can’t wait until you’re a parent and finally get it and rub that smug look off your face ‘?

Yes, my youngest daughter. She's an absolute pita and of course everything is my fault 🙄

My best friend from school used to tell me what I should do when she visited, and how to discipline my kids. She is single, with no DC. I also felt angry at when she decided her 40th birthday celebrations should be childfree, even though my youngest daughter was only a 15 months old. She decided that her other friend could attend as she was breastfeeding, but i couldn't.

She hasn't a clue about how to parent, nor what we go through. I used to grit my teeth a lot 😬

Omg yes this is so relatable, after my first I had the worst 3 months, he was a ‘difficult’ baby, never slept, cried 24/7 etc. But I seemed to have not remember any of that when I was pregnant with my second, like you said just glossed over the bad stuff. Until she was born and then I was like “ah yes I remember how hard this bit is” 😂

It would foolish to buy this potential headache even assuming she can get a mortgage.

Ugh yes. I have a distinct memory of looking at my newborn DD (my second) and thinking 'you are gorgeous, but why on earth did I do this again??' And that was only two years after having my DS! Something definitely happens to your brain - otherwise no one would have more than one I suppose.

My gran did it 9 times. Nine.

God yes. A woman at work, approx 28, criticises everyone’s parenting when she is childless. Often comments on what she’ll do differently. Some of the things she says make me die a little inside. I would actually quite like to witness the absolute shit show if she has kids. She’ll learn! Completely clueless.

She was BU to tell you how to discipline your kids. But YABU re her 40th birthday party. Her party her choice. Fair enough if you have children and want to make your 40th a family occasion,but there is absolutely no reason why she should feel obliged to do that.

I think the 2 I have altered my brain enough to not want any more, the idea of nine kids makes my head spin 😂

Yes one of my grandparents was one of 13! It must have been SO hard. I actually do really love kids but… THIRTEEN!

It boggles the mind. The absolute chaos. The noise!

Those nine kids of my gran's were brought up in a two bedroom house with one bathroom.

Carnage.

YABU. I don't know what kind of sympathy you want. You wanted children, you say you deliberately avoid showing chinks in your armour, and yet you want them to do what exactly? Pat your hand and say, "there there"?

You don't have to have a child to have an opinion or a plan on how you'll parent either and thinking it's unreasonable for your SIL to expect a "please" before giving your child a biscuit indicates that you've lost your way a bit with the whole parenting thing.

This is an amazing comment. Is it real??

I had this, my SIL interrogated me everytime I saw her about sleep routine and made sarky comments about how babies just sleep when they need it. She clearly thought I was being OTT and wanted to undermine.

BIL basically told us he knew exactly how to parent as he is a vet and looks after animals. He give us to us for not making eco friendly choices for buying bananas or yogurt pouches.

My 2x Great Grandmother had 9 in 15 years in the late 19th century then somehow found the energy to have an affair, get kicked out by her husband then went on to have another 2.

I think 9 children in 15 years with modern conveniences sounds like hell on earth. I can't even begin to fathom how hard it was then.

Oh yes! Childless people are the best parents to their imaginary offspring.
My husbands 42 year old brother has always been very vocal about how kids shouldn’t change your life and should just slot in without much being different. We’ve had lots of run ins with him over the years as we have 2 kids….he had a go at us because I didn’t want to fly at 7.5 months pregnant with our second and then be in sole charge of the toddler once abroad whilst they were on boys day trips and evenings out with zero downtime for me, he also gets annoyed when we’re trying to go for a family dinner including the children and he couldn’t possibly have a table booked for before 9pm and it’s unreasonable of us for wanting it earlier due to the children (no one in the group would enjoy a 9pm table with young kids!), he’s phoned at 10pm on one of their 4th birthdays to speak to them and couldn’t believe they were asleep. He always phones the day before suggesting going out the following night and doesn’t understand why we can’t just magic up some childcare. He says they rule our life and he wouldn’t be like that a parent. He honestly has zero idea.

anyway, they’ve just announced they’re 14 weeks pregnant and there is already so many things I’ve had to hold my tongue about. I can’t wait to watch it all!

That’s as weird as the men that pop up on here. It’s Mumsnet. Surely there’s other places for you to slag off people with kids than a website literally aimed at mums.

Who looked after them?

Are you saying that the Mumsnetters Without Children Board shouldn’t exist? If so take it up with MNHQ.

I think it might be a bot!