Are there people in your life where you just think ‘ I can’t wait until you’re a parent and finally get it and rub that smug look off your face ‘?

[doyuever]

This is a bit tongue in cheek and I know I’m evil. But DH has younger siblings and they just get on our nerves SO much. They just DON’T get it and have NO idea how hard it is to be a parent.

granted, neither did we. My DH was such an unsympathetic dick when my older sister had kids. She had her first and then two years later, she was blessed with twins. It was an absolute fucking nightmare.

a beautiful blessing, but very very very difficult time for her and her husband. I used to give a lot of moral support and try my absolute best to be there to help practically too. It was really tough and took it out of them.

my DH would say stuff like ‘ they’re not the first to have kids ‘ and ‘ they’re too dramatic and not the only people to have problems. They’re not the centre of the universe ‘.. he just didn’t get it at all.

now we are parents with small kids, he kicks himself for being such a dick and says how wrong he was.

now we have his siblings coming to see us a fair bit and they just don’t get it at all. Obviously. They try to give absolutely rubbish ‘ advice ‘ sometimes. They try to visit at 5-6pm sometimes and we’ve had to try to explain why that’s just not good right now. When we do talk about things being hard or we seem frazzled, they never have the emotional intelligence to say anything kind. ( we don’t generally say anything anymore about it being hard going as it’s just pointless ).

SIL just thinks it’s pretty much normal for mums to do it all. SIL was saying how when they were kids, the dad would go on overnight fishing trips with his friends almost every weekend… I said quite horrified that it must have been hard for their mum and she was like ‘ but why ? ‘… so no fucking clue what so ever!

me and DH say quite frequently that we just can’t wait until the have kids and we can finally understand each other again. ( they all want kids btw ).

can anyone relate ? It’s kind of funny but also annoying.

It's also amazing how quickly people forget. My sil and bil both have kids who are now older teenagers or early 20s and my ds is 5.

I can vividly remember their kids all going off to the play area at pubs, doing cartwheels in the beer garden and having to be told to keep out the way of staff, the "I'm BORED" and even popping to a Macdonald's part way through our wedding reception because they weren't keen on the hot buffet... And the thing is I genuinely wasn't bothered, they were kids being kids as far as I was concerned.

But now they ask us to restaurants at awkward times, roll there eyes if we say this time can we go somewhere where DS can be up and about a bit without disrupting anyone, tell us "he needs to learn" if he dares ask if we're going yet (after sitting absolutely fine for 2 courses and waiting for the bill!)

They're not particularly nice people generally though so I just avoid seeing them where possible!

Well, I can see what you’re saying but I think YAB a bit U. People don’t have to be parents themselves to have valid opinions on parenting. And some people do seem to make awfully heavy weather of quite day-to-day aspects of parenting. (I’m not talking about kids that have disabilities/additional needs where obviously it’s much harder.)

I literally don’t resent child free adults at all.

Just dumb ones who have zero empathy and are smart arses. I know plenty of lovely child free adults who I enjoy spending time with.

Bit late now for us, but thanks for the advice

Wow! You're a lovely individual aren't you, stop replying to me please.

im lovely and will reply all I like who made you queen of the world?

I don’t have children. “Who’s going to look after you when you’re old?” Is a common refrain of some parents. I really hope your IVF works.

My brother who swears blind my son doesn’t have autism he is just badly behaved because I didn’t discipline him enough as a baby

my brothers children are much older than mine and he mostly had a stay at home wife, while dp and I are both full time. Our kids, or some of them, are what many people have called ‘high energy’. Db and I have lived in different continents since I became a parent and recently holidayed together. After a few days he said he rated my parenting ability up a few notches having seen the constant effort it takes to keep dc1 especially alive. Now that was sooo satisfying. I felt seen 😁

Are you really telling someone who is struggling with infertility that they are hysterical? And I imagine that poster does give a fuck whether she has kids. Empathy bypass here.

It certainly is. Apologies if I read your other message negatively but there's enough other messages on here that warrant my reply 😊

Come on, OP. Yes, it’s annoying, but you have your DH grace so give it to his siblings. Your DH sounded deeply unpleasant and I bet he upset your sister frequently.

Yes!! My brother (no DC) randomly takes a "show you who's boss" strict approach with mine, in an effort to show me how to parent as apparently I'm too lax (based upon his observations in the 2 afternoons a year we all spend together).

Previous example - I was supposedly being a pushover for allowing DC to toddle instead of forcing them into a buggy just after we'd done a 1.5hr car ride. I was perfectly happy to go at toddler pace (wander at a beauty spot), brother wasn't, so my prioritising my child's wishes was down to me being a weak parent.

One thing I’ve found slightly irritating is people - usually colleagues or strangers - who assume I must be living some hedonistic life and sleeping in all the time as I don’t have kids. I like early mornings, books and tea and brunches lol no wild child here!

Yes, I once had a colleague scoff when I mentioned cooking. They were like you cook? Err yes, I eat proper meals made from scratch. I think they assumed I lived like a teenager.

I've never had children or given any advice except to say it's a hard job to be a parent as there's no training or instruction manual.

No not really. I don't have siblings and both of DHs already had kids, as did almost everyone we work with. Maybe being older first time parents help. Friends are a 50/50 mix but all seem informed.

What I can do now do is understand how ignorant but not ill-meaning I must have seemed before. Nothing terrible just complaining about being tired to colleagues who were parents when I had no idea what real tiredness is.

But I'm very careful to neither complain or gloat, and to be very tactical when answering questions.

It WAS sarcasm. The poster who said it was unable to have children herself. I have also been unable to have children. And I have had that exact thing said to me many times. That I will be lonely in old age and how awful my life will be. It’s what a lot of people think. But not what the poster thinks. It’s what she’s had said to her.

I don't think you have to have had kids to 'get it'.

What baffles me is the people who don't seem to 'get it' before having kids then act totally blindsided that it's extremely hard work and play the martyr for years.

I know, I've already apologised to her...

Another Childfree bashing thread🙄 Also kinda making a lot of fuss about it if they decide not to have kids. But crack on with whatever gets you through the day

I was also a bit like that before having kids. Now I have 3 under 6. Some things I have stayed strict on, like sleeping and food routines. Some things I've completely relaxed, like screen time (lol, I actually thought we could be a screen-free family), extra-curriculars (we don't do any), and fashionable, new clothing (they all wear second-hand or hand-me-downs, in good condition).

I absolutely hate to admit it, but I did feel a sense of 'I told you so' when my BIL and SIL had their baby. They were very judgemental about aspects of our parenting, and would wax lyrical about how they would do it differently to us. However, they have quickly changed their tune now that they have a very strong-willed 2-year-old.

I also didn't appreciate my SIL's comments about me going back to work full-time after having my DC. She has unexpectedly had to return to work full-time due to financial reasons, and she's now sending me sympathetic messages about 'how hard it is to be a working mum' etc. Well, yeah! That's what I was trying to tell you when you were judging me saying 'I could never send my child to daycare, I actually want to raise them myself'. FFS

Anyway, I can relate OP.

I also equally hate it when parents can’t understand that child free people also have stressful lives btw. And that they also have stuff going on. I remember feeling that when I was child free, some parents made me feel like all my issues were super pathetic and couldn’t possibly compare to their problems.

I Also spend a lot of time reminding DH of that. I spend a lot of time asking questions and being interested in BIL and SIL’s lives and trying to support and not invalidate their feelings and experiences. And I do get it, they just don’t get if yet and I need to give them grace too. But occasionally it winds me up and is kind of funny to have that feeling of ‘ I can’t wait until you finally understand this ! ‘.. but I also get that not everyone can understand and have empathy for others the way I would want to receive that empathy. It is what it is.

ah mine are different and bash mothers who don’t want to work and last week were talking about how it’s bad for babies and toddlers not to be at nursery and how they won’t be smart or have social skills and how it’s good for them to be in nursery very young. So the opposite sentiment really to yours. You can’t win !

BIL has recently had his second and having made an absolute drama out of the first one (refusing to drive anywhere, basically needing 3 adults at alll times to look after 1 baby) I can’t wait to see how having two goes.

Bitchy? Yes. But they were horrible to me when I had 2 under 2 on my own so seems like karma.