Are there people in your life where you just think ‘ I can’t wait until you’re a parent and finally get it and rub that smug look off your face ‘?

[doyuever]

This is a bit tongue in cheek and I know I’m evil. But DH has younger siblings and they just get on our nerves SO much. They just DON’T get it and have NO idea how hard it is to be a parent.

granted, neither did we. My DH was such an unsympathetic dick when my older sister had kids. She had her first and then two years later, she was blessed with twins. It was an absolute fucking nightmare.

a beautiful blessing, but very very very difficult time for her and her husband. I used to give a lot of moral support and try my absolute best to be there to help practically too. It was really tough and took it out of them.

my DH would say stuff like ‘ they’re not the first to have kids ‘ and ‘ they’re too dramatic and not the only people to have problems. They’re not the centre of the universe ‘.. he just didn’t get it at all.

now we are parents with small kids, he kicks himself for being such a dick and says how wrong he was.

now we have his siblings coming to see us a fair bit and they just don’t get it at all. Obviously. They try to give absolutely rubbish ‘ advice ‘ sometimes. They try to visit at 5-6pm sometimes and we’ve had to try to explain why that’s just not good right now. When we do talk about things being hard or we seem frazzled, they never have the emotional intelligence to say anything kind. ( we don’t generally say anything anymore about it being hard going as it’s just pointless ).

SIL just thinks it’s pretty much normal for mums to do it all. SIL was saying how when they were kids, the dad would go on overnight fishing trips with his friends almost every weekend… I said quite horrified that it must have been hard for their mum and she was like ‘ but why ? ‘… so no fucking clue what so ever!

me and DH say quite frequently that we just can’t wait until the have kids and we can finally understand each other again. ( they all want kids btw ).

can anyone relate ? It’s kind of funny but also annoying.

Yeah my sister and her partner were horrible to me when I had DD2. I’d call it bullying. I had to avoid being around them. Like when she was 18 months, they would sarcastically say ‘oh wow, great parenting skills’ when DD wanted down from the dinner table to run about.

Now they have 2 VERY headstrong DCs who run rings around them 😂 they have never apologised but I like to think they have been humbled by seeing how hard it is.

God yes. There’s 3 couples in our friendship group. One couple don’t have children.

they do, well they did want them. They were hoping for twins so they can have 2 then they are done.

Twins are in the family plus they had IVF. No idea how much work 2 babies are.

they don’t understand why we can’t drop everything all the time and do weekends away without DC. Me and the other couple have 2 boys.

I could go on but I feel I am starting to rant.

I can’t fucking wait ! My two are tantrumers though. If their kids are calm kids, they’ll no doubt be the kind of parents who think that it’s because they’re so special.

I have three children. No parental support from side due to them being in different countries. Anyway, my sister has no children but told me that she has "two cats so understands what it's like for me"😅

Either side*

I must admit there was someone at work who was very snide about me needing time off when my son was ill. I did a happy dance when she got pregnant - she's currently on mat leave and I look forward to her coming back 😂

I actually love bil and sil (dh’s younger brother) but when dtds were born we also had a toddler. Twins were in special care initially and it was stressful. We nearly lost one baby. Once home pil came to stay for the weekend, all agreed, but bil came too despite us saying we didn’t have space. They stayed 2 nights and bil had to sleep on the sofa in the living room. It was a small house so meant that when dd1 was awake she needed breakfast etc so we woke up bil as we needed the room (tiny kitchen with no seating). We kept all dc in our bedroom until 8am but toddler was wide awake.

bil went up for naps on both days because he was exhausted and we didn’t understand how tiring his job was - 2nd week back after summer holidays as a primary school teacher. He argued that we only had 3 dc and he looked after and taught 30dc so he was more tired. I was 10 days post emergency C-section with premature babies needing 2 hourly feeds through the night.

About 2 years later we were at a zoo all together and bil said sorry he acted like such an arse. So that was before he then had dc. He now has a 2year old and while I’m sorry to hear he can be tricky at toddler age, it does make me smile. He’s now in awe at us coping with 3dc. (Mine are now teens). I’ll caveat this with nephew is fab but bil has found parenting hard - I gather it’s been a bit of a shock.

I kind of hope the young chap at my work drinks who asked me what I was going to do on my Mat leave - he suggested perhaps learn a language or write a book? - now has kids himself and dies a little inside at that conversation! I was proud of myself for reading a book let alone writing one when I had my first pfb who did not sleep!

Yep, 3 of my siblings . Iv got teenagers now and not once have they offered to babysit . When it's their turn , I will be just as helpful.

Yes but sadly my friends are now passed the stage they could possibly have children, so I will have to put up with, why wouldn't you let your baby scream until they shut up because they are just looking for attention comments without them ever seeing the other side of the coin.

I think this couple need new friends. Being the only ones without children can be shit, especially if they want them.

I know what you mean. I’m pregnant with baby number 2 now & also have a 1 year old, we definitely have a few friends that I just think you have absolutely no idea😂

Just a heads up OP, it may not go how you like. My kids hate sleep, always have, younger one is especially spirited. Younger sister had her first baby and he is a DREAM, he’s just so chilled, likes sleep, goes with the flow, sister has taken it alllllll in her stride. Obviously he may be more challenging when he grows up, but I deff haven’t been able to say I told you so yet. (She won’t be having more kids)

I can totally imagine how aggravating this is.
You’ll get your own back when they have kids. You can be really patronising and say ‘Of you’re not the first the have kids’ with a smug, condescending smile.
But you probably won’t, you’ll probably be straight round with a shepherd’s pie, offers to help and kind reassurances like the rest of us who know how bloody hard it all it.
YANBU to be irritated.

My brother and sil’s kids are 2 and 4 years younger than ours.
when my sil was pregnant with their first she kept talking about the perfect birth she’s have with hypno birthing and “breathing the baby out with waves of love”. And questioning why anyone would ever have “medicated births” as it would affect the baby. Yeah. Obviously. Bit my tongue hard. I get some people get that birth- but reality hits hard when you’re in the throws of labour.
It’s all so easy before you actually have kids!
My first was allergic to sleep- really awake the whole bloody time. Their first slept and napped like clockwork. Db kept telling me how they’d put in a really strict sleeping routine and that’s why their kid slept so well! Just rubbing in it in that their superior parenting was paying off so well, really! Kept giving me his super top tips.
I don’t buy that it’s all nurture for a second and honestly believe that some kids are easier sleepers- and some are not!
Anyway, now they’re all at primary. My kids eat anything. His kids are majorly fussy. I’m fighting the urge to tell him how it’s my super feeding regime that did it….but that would be a real dick move (and almost certainly untrue) so I don’t!
kids are hard! You just don’t know what flavour of hard you’ll get till you meet them!

Or when they try to patent them by being really strict. I remember when my DD was just under 2 and BIL didn’t want to give her a biscuit until she said please or thank you to something like that. He was just dangling it over her and she was trying to take it and he was saying ‘ say please ‘ ‘ say please ‘.. I get his point, she should have said please, don’t taunt my child like this, while I’m right there.

before anyone comes at me, of course we teach our kids to say please and thank you. But she was really little and it was just mean to taunt her like that. I certainly wouldn’t do that to my child or anyone else’s child for that matter!

And this is why I prefer to mix with other childfree people. So much less simmering resentment.

Yes my whole team of super ambitious 20 and 30 year olds.

I am remote working, slightly part time (4.5 days), and horrifyingly, over 40. The casual patronising (‘good for you, well done for having a go’) vibes or scathing repulsion are out of control. Directors both have kids but cunningly jobshare so both work 3 days a week so get time to regroup (all kids in school).

DH works away in the week too and kids do approx 90000 activities so it’s all quite hectic.

I actually dream of the days when some of them have kids and can show me how ‘easy’ it is to do well…!

She/he says with zero irony on a site literally named mumsnet.

I can see you’re choosing your childfree mixing zones with great insight and discernment!

Don’t get me started on my team. They’re all male and in their early 30s. No fucking clue.

we have an event coming up, but one of us needs to stay behind and they’ll just assume it’s me who won’t go. It feels so wrong.

Hopefully they will have angelic, easy children and your hoped for schadenfreude will be thwarted…😉

That sounds horrible to me too. Like dangling a treat and asking dog to beg.

OTOH I have friends/relatives who made such a drama out of their child/children's 'routine' that everyone had to accommodate,.and yet there was never any accomodation for mine when they were born and even worse they became more inflexible because of their children's clubs eg No we can't possibly come to see you on X.day because of little Johnny's rugby tots, you don't understand that he is committed to this, but if you come to us, then we can drag you and your children who don't do any clubs (they did, but I wasn't such an arse about it) to be bored whilst Johnny does said rugby tots...what fun

There is the risk of that. Or that they just won’t ever show any chips in their armour. Which honestly is mine and DH’s attitude now. We don’t moan or complain about anything.

we say life is great. When the kids act up in front of them, we take it completely in our stride.

Chips on their armour ? Is that right haha