Are you a ‘disney’ mum?

[Caterpillarmama]

I’m not sure if that’s the right expression but there’s numerous mums online who portray themselves as the most perfect mothers/families! Everything their child eats is homemade, they give out little homemade brownies tied in paper with string ‘just because’, they don’t watch tv, they never shout, always spending quality time together.

On Instagram/youtube, I see posts and reels of people letting their children help them peel the veg to prep Sunday lunch, baking a cake for pudding and spending wholesome days together picking flowers and walking through meadows etc. I know online is not real life but is there anyone who genuinely lives like this?

Not saying we don’t do those things, but that would be a tiny part of our day and wouldn’t fill a whole day. They never mention the children arguing, making a mess, irritating their parents, whining etc. Letting them prep dinner would be a nightmare and take hours and we’re already pushed for time!

YABU: yes this is how we live
YANBU: we have elements of this but this isn’t our daily life.

If you genuinely live like this and hold down a full time job etc, raising your children, how do you do it? Especially as a single parent! Tips welcome.

OP has literally asked people to say if this is normal for them.

No, OP asked about being perfect

They never mention the children arguing, making a mess, irritating their parents, whining etc.

We can all read the op.

YABU: yes this is how we live
YANBU: we have elements of this but this isn’t our daily life.
If you genuinely live like this and hold down a full time job etc, raising your children, how do you do it? Especially as a single parent! Tips welcome.

But feel free to carry on.

to carry on quoting the OP? It seems it's needed.

On Friday my 5yo helped me make a pot of soup, including slowly peeling the sweet potato. Afterwards we made banana bread. I have nothing on SM about it though. I do it because it makes my child happy, my older two loved helping in the kitchen when they were younger too. Does that still make me a Disney mum?

All my child's meals are homemade. DH is a former chef and loves to cook. He lives to feed people so we are often sharing food with others.

DS doesn't watch TV during the day as I would rather he was playing. At the weekend DH likes to game and DS will often ask to "watch".

DS likes to help DH cook. He's not really old enough to prep veg yet but he can stir and add stuff in.

DS loves to walk. We went to a park today and he was offered a ride on the pedalos and the miniature steam train but he just wants to walk. I could easily have taken him to a meadow and fulfilled your stereotype.

I practice attachment parenting/emotion coaching/general crunchy mum things. I do lazy elimination communication and use cloth nappies. I did the kind of baby led weaning where he ate our meals from the off. I'm doing extended breastfeeding, co sleeping, and he doesn't go to nursery.

But social media is only what someone wants you to see. I do all those things but after a night where DS has woken for milk every hour I'm tired and I shout. DH might love to cook but neither of us love washing up and the pans sit on the side for way too long. We eat at DH's place of study several times a week so half our meals are free and not cooked by us. I'm also a SAHM.

defo no Disney mum here but I do some of those things. I am mostly a mess, exhausted run off my feet and whilst I don’t shout at them, some days are so hard I cry in the shower! If I am lucky to have one without one of the kids or the dog harassing me at the door!

I will admit to my life having been somewhat like that 🤦🏼‍♀️ My DDs are teenagers now so much more independent but I was a SAHM since DD2 was born & I also Home Educate so there were a lot of activities that were also educational. Baking, art, woodland meet ups etc. For the record there’s very little evidence of it on social media 😂

My kids were raised mostly pre social media so a bit different. But I’m sure I presented as a Disney mum in some respects. I always cooked from scratch, baked bread, took them to museums and tried new activities like rock climbing or paint balling. I always made the biggest contribution to bake sales and we often win competitions like Easter egg dioramas and bonnets. I imported baby bottles and dummies from America as soon as I heard about BPAs s as an endocrine disrupter and I felt guilty as I couldn’t breast feed. Only used HIPP organic and got milk from the milkman and only bought organic eggs. we watched documentaries together instead of having CBeebies on all the time.

but

i swear like a trooper, grew up on a council estate, drink too much and still live in a council house. I failed all of my GCSEs but still managed to go on and get 2 degrees and a random collection of other qualifications . I’ve never actively portrayed myself as mum of the month never mind mum of the decade but I’m sure some people must have thought I was a bit of an affected twat.

Wealthy upper-class mums who homeschool their children probably live like this.
I am not one of them

Me too. I did all the right things: home cooked almost every meal, regular park trips, educational visits, crafting, and DC always perfectly turned out.

In reality, I had fled a domestic abuse situation, was living off my savings and suffered crippling stress for a chunk of that time. I never bought new clothes for myself and cut back on my own meals. If I had posted my life on social media, you would have said 'classic Disney mum' but I found it so hard 🤷‍♀️

My SİL is a Disney mum on Instagram (and whenever her own relatives come round - suddenly the crafts come out and the smiles turn on) but I’ve been there when the photos are taken and that’s one minute of her life, then she reverts to the irritated, exasperated passive aggressive perfectionist she is. She loves her kids very much and is actually a great mum but very much feels the need to portray her life on social media as homemade sparkles all the way. Disney mums don’t exist but their lives are carefully curated on social media to make us think they do.

(1) aged 18 and 16

(2) I remember that I don't want people to shout at me. I remember that we have a choice how to behave. eg I don't shout at my boss when I'm frustrated with her. I don't shout at my sister when she irritates me. So, I use the same self control to choose not to shout at my children. And it is a choice

(3) they are well behaved and thriving

YANBU
we try, but most days it’s a bit of a dogs breakfast than a showboat.