Are you a ‘disney’ mum?

[Caterpillarmama]

I’m not sure if that’s the right expression but there’s numerous mums online who portray themselves as the most perfect mothers/families! Everything their child eats is homemade, they give out little homemade brownies tied in paper with string ‘just because’, they don’t watch tv, they never shout, always spending quality time together.

On Instagram/youtube, I see posts and reels of people letting their children help them peel the veg to prep Sunday lunch, baking a cake for pudding and spending wholesome days together picking flowers and walking through meadows etc. I know online is not real life but is there anyone who genuinely lives like this?

Not saying we don’t do those things, but that would be a tiny part of our day and wouldn’t fill a whole day. They never mention the children arguing, making a mess, irritating their parents, whining etc. Letting them prep dinner would be a nightmare and take hours and we’re already pushed for time!

YABU: yes this is how we live
YANBU: we have elements of this but this isn’t our daily life.

If you genuinely live like this and hold down a full time job etc, raising your children, how do you do it? Especially as a single parent! Tips welcome.

Depends on their ages doesn't it. When mine were 3 and 4 it was all play doh games, baking, going to the park and collecting a nice leaf which you then take home and paint. The ppl who said about an hour or two of TV over the weekend is quite reasonable, that's what we did.

But with a 10 or 9 year old yes you can go out but sometimes they don't want to and there are more screens and fights over piano practice and whether they are allowed giant pints of bubble tea, and so on.

I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was a Disney Mum. I did a lot of baking and made my DCs very good quality packed lunches full of veg and protein. We also went on amazing long haul holidays. However, I was living with domestic abuse and had virtually no cash of my own.

I've never raised my voice to my children

But I don't tick all your other Disney Mum boxes

I'm equally as bored of social influencers that post about being 'real'. As in, they'll post a lovely picture of them engaging with their children alongside a picture of them looking rough with a crying child moments later to show how authentic they are. They do this for likes and to make their insecure followers feel a bit better. It's boring and uncreative.

If someone is stupid enough to believe that someone posting a nice family picture means that the family live an idyllic life 24/7 then that is on them. I have not seen these influencers suggest that is the case.

Why can't people post nice moments without fear of coming across as try hard or fake?

Why can't people post nice moments without fear of coming across as try hard or fake?

because their settings are "public" for a start They are trying to sell something, or at least a certain vision of their life they think they are showing. Showing your family to total strangers? It takes a special mindset.
Even famous people pretending to be "private" who share family and private photos are fake, or stages if you prefer (private celebrities are private, you don't see anything from their real life).

Tbh our family life did look a lot like that when the kids were young. None of us had any social media though so it wasn't for anyone but ourselves.

How old are your dc and how do you parent without ever raising your voice plus how well behaved are your children?!

Personally, I have my accounts on private and have no influencer aspirations. However, I don't think that influencers that post publicly are always being try hard or fake for doing so, it's their business. Influencers that post pictures of themselves looking awful to come across 'real' and 'authentic' come across much more fake in my opinion. It's the type of post that is up there with people that video themselves giving lunch to a homeless person. Blergh.

What a nasty thing to post. Horrible.

Agree. Sounds like a normal quiet day with young kids. I wish I had the patience to cook with my own kids.

To me a Disney Dad is one who does nothing for 12 days a fortnight, then spoils his children for the 2 days that he has them.

Yeah, they do all the fun stuff and none of the work.

My children do help me "prep" dinner but only because we have found if they are involved then they are more inclined to try/eat it especially if it involves vegetables!

When I say they help it's things like pouring the measured out rice into the pan or getting veg into smaller pieces by breaking them up etc. So it doesn't take longer as usually I have sorted out 3 other things in the time it takes DS2 (3 yo) to break a red pepper into small enough chunks.

My DD and DS are both 15 and I have never shouted at them. I have been very lucky in that that they are both lovely people. I don't think I've ever shouted at my friends or DH either, I'm not a very shouty person. We did naughty step when they were little and we are quite strict on tech etc compared to their friends but I think mainly just being kind to each other and always keeping a sense of humour has worked for us. I might be speaking too soon if course and they may be about to head off the rails!

I find it deeply ironic that these people portray themselves as perfect and wholesome when actually they’re constantly on social media – ie not wholesome at all. It’s all fake.

And no my life is nothing like that.

You do realise the majority of stuff you see on social media is fake, right? Stop worrying about what other people are doing, or rather pretending to do, and just get on with your own life.

These people are doing it for social media
I doubt their life is all perfect .

The lives people portray for self-gratification online are not the lives they are actually leading. I’m surprised that everyone has t worked that out yet. It’s about as authentic as a Megan podcast.

The people who are living like that (and there will be some) aren’t advertising the fact. They don’t need to.

I am not sorry. You can't have someone post a show-off "look at me being so perfect" post and complain that not everyone is blown away by their wholesomeness Sunday.

we went for a walk to a local area, smelled the roses
I mean, come on 😂

I am also allowed to find the idea of "baking and going for a walk" incredibly boring.

Until they end up in a Netflix documentary after it turns out that once the cameras stopped rolling they were the Disney villains, and the clip of them screaming at their 3 yo for making a noise on the 5th take of them serenely stirring the cake batter is unearthed. It's not real op.

There's a big difference between finding it boring yourself (which of course you are free to do) and saying "poor kids" about what sounds like a perfectly normal day- cooking a meal, going for a walk, having a drink at the pub. I think you're projecting a lot, that whoever posted it was trying to convey that they were being perfect and that justified you being spiteful in return.

YANBU OP. I don’t think it’s possible to maintain this day in day out. It’s a snapshot. As anyone with children knows, there are days you feel you are living your best life and days it’s absolute chaos! 😂 Even all within the same day!

As for the constant ‘sharenting’ trend, check out the Ruby Franke documentary. There were scenes where her own children were clearly very uncomfortable with her constant photographing and filming, they asked her to stop. She had a lovely family, but lost all true sense of presence and mindful enjoyment of her own life by offering it up for other’s consumption. The abuse that follows was devastating to watch.

I am not the one projecting.

There is indeed a difference between:
what you up to this weekend? not much, baking and taking the kids for a walk, which is pretty normal,

and a post on a DIsney Mum thread, mums online who portray themselves as the most perfect mothers/families, with someone popping up and telling complete strangers: but that's how I live, look at me all perfect 😂

I watched my SIL berate her kids and husband for perfect pictures on a family day out. Then she had the cheek you post about a happy loving family day 😂I feel sorry for them everytime I see a family picture posted.

Motherhood isn’t a race to the bottom or the top.

sometimes days are brilliant, sometimes they’re soul destroying. Sometimes we use social media as a photo album, sometimes as a place to vent.

I don’t judge anyone, in theory, we’re all just doing our best and our aspirations and ideals are different from each other. We’re all insecure at some point.

FYI I post on social media ‘public’ not because I want to be an influencer (yuck) but because I am a creative and I work in an industry where followers sadly affect sales and future contracts. I have teenagers now, so have found other things to post, but can see how others who have all consuming small people can end up including them in their posts.

As long as they're not telling you how to do things, fair enough. I.E influencers telling you how to pack lunches/dress/diet/parent