Are you a ‘disney’ mum?

[Caterpillarmama]

I’m not sure if that’s the right expression but there’s numerous mums online who portray themselves as the most perfect mothers/families! Everything their child eats is homemade, they give out little homemade brownies tied in paper with string ‘just because’, they don’t watch tv, they never shout, always spending quality time together.

On Instagram/youtube, I see posts and reels of people letting their children help them peel the veg to prep Sunday lunch, baking a cake for pudding and spending wholesome days together picking flowers and walking through meadows etc. I know online is not real life but is there anyone who genuinely lives like this?

Not saying we don’t do those things, but that would be a tiny part of our day and wouldn’t fill a whole day. They never mention the children arguing, making a mess, irritating their parents, whining etc. Letting them prep dinner would be a nightmare and take hours and we’re already pushed for time!

YABU: yes this is how we live
YANBU: we have elements of this but this isn’t our daily life.

If you genuinely live like this and hold down a full time job etc, raising your children, how do you do it? Especially as a single parent! Tips welcome.

Instagram isn’t real life.

No one lives like that 100% of the time and certainly not as a single parent and working full time.

FYI if you’re on the step parenting board you will understand that a Disney parent is one who treats the kids like they’re royal guests, has no intention of doing any hard parenting (like setting rules) and spoils them rotten. Either mom or dad (or for some poor kids both parents) can behave like this.

What you’re describing isn’t disney parenting it’s social media lies. I do a lot of the things you list, but don’t post on social media and definitely don’t think life is all sunshine and roses because the kids will still bicker and I’m still knackered and tetchy at times. We do lots of ‘wholesome’ things because I was raised that way in the 90s thanks to my hippy parents who eschewed TV, were vegetarians and bough food from a co-operative group (ordered via meetings between them and their friends to buy in bulk then split it up).

Ignore Instagram and follow your own values but with the knowledge that no parenting style yields endless happiness and perfect days because life isn’t like that.

This lifestyle doesn't exist. The people you see doing it online are faking it because they are paid to post it all online.

They do work, often many hours. Filming and editing content can be a long tedious job and they wont be "having quality time with the kids" while doing it. Often the pay is very low (only a very small % of content creators make a good living from it).

The rare handful people who do live like this are not posting it all online as there seriously isn't enough hours in the day to do it all and create content about it.

Who are you following? A bunch of trad wives.

I don’t see this so just unfollow

I think many people like watching this kind of content because it feels wholesome and aspirational and comforting. Like how I love watching Malory Towers with my DD- despite knowing that really, boarding school is nothing like this, real-life kids are nothing like this- there’s some weird nostalgic feeling there, for a simpler time.

So these influencers are not going to show tears and tantrums and whinges, which their kids will of course have their fair share of, because it’s not what their followers want to see. There are plenty of influencers that do go for the warts and all approach, for people that prefer that.

(Not that any of it is for me- I hate this obsession with sharing details of our kids lives on social media).

If you view it, you just need to accept you’re seeing a tiny snapshot of the reality they want to show- it’s a kind of advertising, really. And it’s fine to think ‘I’d love to do a few more things like that with my kids’ and try to do that. But don’t be fooled that they, or anyone, does that all the time, no-one does.

Ah, some parents I am sure do live this life but its time consuming. What you've described is my daily life BUT I am a stay at home parent for 8 years now. THEY are my job. Oh, and I yell sometimes because the more you giveth, the more they taketh.

There's no way anyone could do this and work, I tried. I slept 4 hours a night and felt like death. That was working part time too (worked evenings after being this "disney" mum) so full time isn't possible, honestly, it's lies! 😂

What I will say is baking own bread/cakes and home cooked food etc isn't all that amazing. You can fit it in to daily life with kids easily, bit less so when working. The reason I felt like death above working part time was because I had two kids as a single parent, like no help single parent. Single single. Still did this "disney" thing plus work but it wasn't viable long term for my physical health.

One thing I will say is I have my close friends, ZERO social media and mumsnet here or there but rarely tbh because I literally have no time.

Bread bakes itself. Cakes I'm experienced in - easy to do and becomes a task. Traybakes, brownies are extremely easy and quick once you've done them a dozen times. Home cooked meals with meticulous planning and GADGETS are ridiculously easy and quick. I make gadgets work for me, make baking into family learning fun events etc.

Oh and I look like a tramp doing all above because I don't focus on me, I focus on my kids.

I once heard a famous photographer say that anyone can take good pictures, you just throw away the bad ones. I think that applies to these cases if I took pictures of everything the kids do then selected the good ones I could paint a pretty good image. A quick photo of them mixing a cake mix, ignoring the massive pile of flour on the floor behind me. No one really posts pictures of people watching TV.

Remember that behind all these perfectly curated snapshots of family life you see on social media is someone looking at their phone the rest of the time checking out who is liking and commenting on it.

Like you say op, a walk through the meadow, baking etc only eats a few hours of the day. My sister posts a lot on social media of happy times with her two kids but i reality the kids HATE each other more than I've ever seen between siblings, she's incredibly stressed and struggles a lot. I know that trip to the beach with a few nice photos was fraught with arguing, empty threats and probably at least one person crying

I always think that the "takes hours" thing with any household activity with the kids is a weird complaint.

I mean, kids need to be occupied most of the day, right? Yes, it takes longer to do stuff with my son, yes his weeding is very hit and miss (a fistful of anything green), but he also needs to learn to take care of himself and the house, and if the process of making dinner takes up the whole afternoon then so what?

I have sneaking suspicion that the kids who don't get allowed to do stuff cause it "takes ages" become the adults who can't keep house or feed themselves.

We live like this, we have a farm and the children are outside and the TV genuinely hasn’t been on since February BUT there is a lot of not so glossy bits, mess , stress and 4 children constantly arguing 😂 I make everything from scratch food wise ect and I’m sure I could make my IG look fancy but genuinely behind the scenes it’s chaos. Might just be us that’s chaotic but I have no idea how they do it. I think social media is very false everyone only puts the best bits on!

I feel sorry and worried for today's children who are growing up with cameras constantly in their faces and every "wholesome" moment manufactured for insta. I really wonder if any of these people have genuine real loving moments with their kids or is everything just a series of Instagram posts and opportunities.
I also despise "influencers" who monitise their kids lives. I just don't understand it and would argue it goes against every good parental instinct to keep your kids safe. There are people who are giving up their jobs to be full time content makers and it's their kids who are the content
I mean can you actually imagine the pressure they are under to always create new and "wholesome" content. Poor kids.

I have never been like this, though because I was SAHM I did have time to do crafty projects from time to time. A lot of the time I was tired, grumpy and just trying to get to the end of the day with everyone fed, no one dead. However Facebook keeps throwing up ‘memories’ from previous years, and they give a totally false impression! So it’s clearly very easy, with only a little effort, to create an image that is far from the reality of the daily grind that I remember!

Them social media videos are made by professional content creators. They’ve set up a camera and got everything out and prepared to film that content. It’s all fake.

Social media just isn't real.

I'm a SAHM so yes, our days do look a bit like you describe, but everyone still has tantrums and misbehaves occasionally.

Some days it's all 'little house on the prairie' and other days I throw in the towel and let them have dinner in front of the TV.

Literally nobody lives like this. Also why do people use social media? So strange. Of course it's full of shit.

I'm cranky, messy, disorganised, so the least Disney mum ever...

But my dd does help us batch cook. It kills time, keeps her entertained and helps me complete the task. She can chop, peel, stir.

Getting your kid to help you cook is making your life easier, it's the opposite of what you're describing imo

Kids don't need you occupying them. Thats how you get useless adults.
They are supposed to occupy themselves. That's how independence is developed.
People get the wrong end of the stick and run with it.

I agree, these days it's about trying to fill time rather than save time.

It's that feeling you get when you've all finished breakfast on a Sunday morning and it's only 7.30am and you look at the kids and it's raining... what are we going to DO today?!

If it takes ages for the kids to do the task, that's a feature not a bug

I feel like I come across as a Disney mum but I have no idea how or why?! There was a parenting workshop at school and I wanted to attend. A few parents said “you are great with kids and didn’t think I needed to attend” I think it might be the way I talk but honestly I’m not sure.

I do like to cook and have made some meals from scratch but I also love a McDonald’s and think is all balance. Some days we have a picnic in the park and make a den at home and others we have far too much screen time and eat junk.

Anyone who’s putting their child on a public social media account isn’t a good parent. These poor kids who are much too young to be able to consent to their lives being up for public scrutiny.

Don’t do the dinner prep stuff but defo like to run around a few fields/woods/beach etc which I guess is pretty wholesome. Those instagram mums are for sure letting their kids watch tv and of course not showing the arguments. You also don’t see all the bribery it probably takes them to get their kids to smile for the camera or behave in a video. Don’t compare yourselves, just do what works for your family.

Be aware that a huge amount of mummy content you see on social media is dominated by rich Mormon wives from Utah/Arizona. They have massive mansions, excessive space, money and are extremely religious. Women are discouraged from working outside the house so this is also where MLMs originated from. All work that can be done while being a SAHM is ok, and many turn their everyday mum lives into lucrative social media businesses. There was a recent tragedy with one of the most successful "Disney Mums", Tiktoker Emilie Kiser whose son drowned in their pool while she was out with friends and her husband was supposed to be taking care of the kids. Viewers had repeatedly told them to get a pool fence but they opted for a pool net instead which was presumably less ugly for aesthetics. A net that needs to be fastened along all the edges of a huge pool is clearly not a viable solution if the pool is actively being used.

The aesthetic of Mormon motherhood content has a ripple effect on mummy influencers all over the world. So you may easily see British mums making similar types of content but they are effectively copying the same blueprint that originated in the USA. Once you see through this as a marketing/business gimmick, the whole idea of being a Disney mum is a bit silly. It starts as performative parenting from women who earn money with it and are forced by their social and religious conventions to stay home all day with their kids. This content gets seen out of context by other mothers across the world who live in a culture or country which this sort of parenting is often logistically not possible.

Maybe some people do live that way but honestly it's not because they have some magic touch it's just sheer luck that their kids are easy/their personalities/they have loads of money/and of course who could forget that it's all cherry picked for the camera.
Meanwhile the rest of us are fuming at our kids who haven't cleared the table or who are flicking food on the floor, imagine how exhausting it must be to pretend in social media that it's not your life?