To miss dd's school presentation or AIBU to change booked plans with friend

[Applepea1]

In October last year I booked some European concerts for June. Somehow I've only just realised one of these coincides with a school event, where all the year 8's do presentations, to small groups, of a project they have been working on for months. My daughter has done a lot of research and work on this. She was very upset when we realised I was away and I feel terrible for missing it. Her dad and older sister will be going.
I'll be in Vienna and have VIP tickets 2 nights in a row (rising superfan), booked flights and accommodation with a friend. I love their gigs so much, the same set 2 nights in a row does not detract anything from the experience.
The dilemma is, if I come home a day early and miss the 2nd concert, I could be back for the presentations as it's after school. Should I?
I would obviously lose money and spend more on a different flight, but my main concern over this would be changing the plans with my friend, which would also make me feel guilty.
Either way I feel I'm letting someone down.
Just to add we are a neurodivergant family.

Yes, come back for the presentations

For a random year 8 presentation where her Dad and sister are attending anyway I wouldn't be changing plans that involved flights and hotels

Sorry I think you should stick with your plans. Your daughter has her father and sister going. If it was your daughter father not going - would you expecting him to change his plans which will cost alot too. It's part of life.

I would stay and go to the second concert as planned. It's not as if your daughter will have no-one there and to be honest it doesn't sound mega important or interesting (although I appreciate it is important to your daughter).

She’ll have two people there- that’s fine. Continue with your plans.

No I wouldn't come back. She has another parent and a sibling attending. It's year 8 presentation and I've no doubt there will be more in the future.

Definitely stick to the plan. Dad and sister are going. I see too many mothers just subsuming themselves for their kids. Our parents didn’t do this!

Stick to your plans. DD has two supporters there - can almost guarantee it won't seem a big deal to her in a few months/years time. And it's a lesson in sometimes things just can't happen in the way we want.

This. Would your husband change his plans in the same situation? The fact that you're worrying about this shows that you're a fabulous Mum. This obviously doesn't happen all the time. It's not like you booked the event after you knew about the presentation.

Let her know that you're sad that you won't be there for it, you're proud of her and enjoy your concerts and time with your friend.

I wouldn't change my plans, it's just an unfortunate coincidence. I'm sure you attend most other things she does and her dad and sister will be there. It's part of life, these things happen. I'd feel very let down if I were your friend and you left a day early, for the sake of a year 8 school event.

I wouldn't either, her dad and sister is going it's fine imo,

No l would stay, she has another parent there, if she was going to be alone that would be different. What if you change plans then your flight is delayed for hours?

It’s important for them to see that your plans matter too. I think some families don’t move on from the absolute priority that babies and toddlers need from their parent and I don’t think it’s particularly healthy for either party.

I wouldn’t
her dad and sister are going to be there

I wouldn't change plans. If it was just lunch or something that could be done another day then yes but not when you've booked flights and spent a lot of money. You cant let your friend down either. There will be other presentations you can attend.

I would stick to my plans. I'd speak to her before to wish her the best and watch her practice at home to show I was interested.

It would be much worse to let your friend down. Can dad video and you can watch with DD when you're back?

Stick to your plans. She isn’t going to be left with no one there.

This isn’t just a lunch you’d be missing.

Nor me, if the daughter has another family member there.

I would come back if it was an end of school thing but not for this as she'll have another parent there. Get Dad to video a bit or take some pics.

I wouldn't change my plans for this either

You sound like a lovely mother. But no I wouldn't come back either. Enjoy yourself.

Don’t feel bad either op. It’s important that dad is seen as a parent with as much value as you so his presence should suffice.

Absolutely this.

This ^
Im the type who attends everything - I usually attended both evening performances of DD in primary and secondary but it’s only because DH mostly couldn’t so I was the only one available ( plus DD has additional needs so every performance is a really big deal for her) . In your circumstances I’d ask them to do lots of pictures, encourage her to perform just for you before (or after) and send her a lovely good luck message beforehand. I wouldn’t change my trip.