To miss dd's school presentation or AIBU to change booked plans with friend

[Applepea1]

In October last year I booked some European concerts for June. Somehow I've only just realised one of these coincides with a school event, where all the year 8's do presentations, to small groups, of a project they have been working on for months. My daughter has done a lot of research and work on this. She was very upset when we realised I was away and I feel terrible for missing it. Her dad and older sister will be going.
I'll be in Vienna and have VIP tickets 2 nights in a row (rising superfan), booked flights and accommodation with a friend. I love their gigs so much, the same set 2 nights in a row does not detract anything from the experience.
The dilemma is, if I come home a day early and miss the 2nd concert, I could be back for the presentations as it's after school. Should I?
I would obviously lose money and spend more on a different flight, but my main concern over this would be changing the plans with my friend, which would also make me feel guilty.
Either way I feel I'm letting someone down.
Just to add we are a neurodivergant family.

Why are you dragging the attending husband into this.

Let's say he would change his plans when you clearly assume he wouldnt where does that leave the OP

Sorry why is being a neurodivergent family important to this. Is this your daughter who it will affect and be more upset?

No one can answer this for you. It’s what you want to do and what is most important to you. Just make sure you are happy with your decision. Neither is perfect. You either let your daughter down or a friend.

I’d come home but thats just me. Unfortunately the way I think is time is precious and fast moving with kids and seeing their face when you do attend …well there is nothing better.

You either let your daughter down or a friend

No, you either say, "Sorry darling but I have other booked plans," or you let a friend down.

Also broadly the rule is you stick to what you’ve committed to first. We’ve taught our kids that too - dont want raise horrors who back out on commitments to friends for a “better offer”. Obviously there are exceptions but we start from there.

I just tend to put it out there just in case I inadvertently say or do something seen as weird/inappropriate. But now I'm questioning if in doing that I'm being weird/inappropriate.....

YABU. You already have plans and dad and sister are going. It's no big deal.

My Y9 son plays in concerts, and due to younger siblings and work commitments, then it's often just one of us that goes. That's normal family life.

As long as one of you goes.

I will be missing my twins sports day - they're both VERY sporty and upset I cannot go. My DH will go and video it for me, then I'll watch it later on video with them and they can tell me all about it. Not the same, but the next best thing.

I’d either get her Dad to record her or ask her to explain it to you when you’re back from trip. You’d be crazy to change these plans.

They need to learn to deal with life’s disappointments.

The girl's father and sister are there and she sounds old enough to understand your plans were booked months ago.

I wouldn’t cancel on a friend a leave them to attend a concert abroad by themselves, I think that would be genuinely mean with only 3 or 4 weeks to go. Having seen a big tour in Vienna it was 25min on the train from the city centre to the Wiener Stadthalle and the trains were busy. I enjoyed the trip with my friend but would have not enjoyed it alone.

Your DD is year 8 and has a parent and sibling in attendance, that’s ample. It important to learn not everyone can attend everything and backing out of plans for a ‘better offer’ is rude.

I think it’s manipulative of schools to invite or expect parents to attend events like this. Surely she can present it to you anytime. She has family members attending the school induced big performance I think not letting your friend down and having your own hobbies and life is important

Dad is going so stick with your plans.

it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.

Don’t change plans. Ask dad to record and you can watch it remotely and applaud your daughter in private.

I wonder how different the responses would be if it was the dad who couldn’t attend and the child was upset. I suspect he would be a villain.

I think because Dad is going you don't need to change your plans. If there was noone to show up for her, it might be different but she does have a parent attending.

Of course you don't miss your daughters presentation, it's not even a question. It's something very important to her and she comes, or should come, long before an unimportant jolly with a friend.

Of course she shouldn't cancel it for the sake of what's likely to be a 10 minute thing. I have 4 kids who have had lots of these types of things over the years and where possible I'd try my best to attend, but sometimes I simply couldn't because I had to go to work or something else came up. Don't try to minimise OP, by calling it " a jolly". For all you know she might not get to do it very often and has looked forward to it for ages. Kids are the priority but that doesn't mean that their every single whim has to be catered to every single time.