To not mention miscarriage to pregnant friend?

[ScentOverTheEdge]

Hi all. Sorry if this is the wrong forum but need advice. My sister is pregnant, due in July following a miscarriage a few months ago. I’m thinking it would be triggering to mention my friend has just had one too, or am I overthinking? If she asks how my friend is shall I just deflect and not tell her? YABU = Be honest about friend’s MC. YANBU = Deflect and don’t mention MC to her. Thanks in advance x
edited to add - title should say sister!

I would play it by ear, tell her the truth if she asks, but don’t bring it up otherwise .
Hope your friend is ok, it’s so heartbreaking x

Is she likely to see and interact with the friend? I don’t know why it has to be mentioned at all if not. It’s not really anyone’s business to share other than the person who had the miscarriage.

Regardless of the circumstances, I don't think you should be discussing anyone else's miscarriage.

Thank you. I will just deflect then x

No, not likely to interact but v likely to ask me how she is

Massively overthinking. If it comes up, it comes up. If it doesn't, it doesn't. No need to be planning it.

why on earth would you share your driends personal health information?
Even if your sister was not pregnant?

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Have a lovely day x

I guess it depends if your sister knew your friend was pregnant, if she did she’s going to wonder where the baby is eventually? Is she likely to meet up with your friend? If so I’d still be inclined to bring it up if your sister asks, but don’t if she doesn’t.

Honestly, I think it's good miscarriages are being spoken about more, and I think if your sister asks to genuinely enquire about how your friend is, I'd tell her. I'm sure your sister would be supportive x

ETA- I wonder if the 'over sharing' of medical info people are from a slightly older generational mindset. To me, conversation amongst women tends to be supportive and all encompassing!

• mention it if your sister asks

Then tell her the truth.

Well, I kind of see this, but if the sister knows the friend is pregnant, she will wonder when the baby is due etc. op can’t deflect for ever.

This. Your sister knows she is pregnant, so she will wonder what has happened to the baby/when it’s due, and she will ask.

Actually I disagree, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and each time needed someone else to tell people as I didn’t want to keep having to explain. I appreciate everyone is different

She didn’t know she was pregnant

Sister didn’t know friend was pregnant, no

That’s what I was thinking

I know what you mean. I suppose it’s such a personal thing but friends who have had them before have mentioned to me how they hated the “secrecy” that can accompany. And I tend to think talking about things is usually the best way

If your sister didn’t know she was pregnant I don’t know why you would tell her about the miscarriage.

What??

That's a plot twist 😳

Of course you shouldn't mention the miscarriage then, why would anyone?

Fair enough, thank you. I suppose I’m pausing because we tell each other everything and are close. I think I’ll deflect and change the convo.

Well you've no right to tell each other everything.

There are some things you should never tell without express permission.

Why would you tell her? She didn’t even know the woman was pregnant so she doesn’t need you telling her (or anyone else who didn’t no she was pregnant) about the miscarriage, pregnant or not

Oh hang on, she didn’t know your friend was pregnant , and she’s unlikely to see her ? In that case , no, don’t mention it