To be uncomfortable with the bedroom arrangements

[NeedingAGoodNap]

My partners mother is planning an overseas ski trip later this year and has kindly invited myself and my 4 year old daughter to come along. It will be a large group going and I am not feeling entirely comfortable with the room arrangements. The idea is that all the children (ages 1,2,4,5) will share a room.

However, this is where I might be unreasonable, I really don't know some of the adults going and have only meet them once or twice. They are my partners step siblings and their partners. My partner did not grow up with these step siblings so also does not know them very well. Because of this I don't feel comfortable with my daughter being in a seperate bedroom away from me with basically strangers in the house.

Would I be unreasonable to have her share a room with my partner and me instead?

I agree with you. I wouldn't trust any adult there and I'd want my kid in with me.

Not at all. Just say ‘our daughter will share with us’ - no need for her to be in with three children she doesn’t know in a house with other people she during know, either.

My dc would have refused to share a room with strangers at 4 years old so no, Yanbu.

No, not unreasonable at all, your child your decision. Do what works for you. Have an amazing time.💕

Well my DD wouldn't have liked it at that age so I'd say no and have her in with us.

This exact scenario arose once on a holiday but I did know all of the adults extremely well and had no concerns whatsoever about any of them.

But I still kept DD in with me as the other kids were cousins, she didn't know them and wanted to be with me.

I would start with her in my room and as she gets to know people if she was keen to share with them I would probably let her. Otherwise I wouldn't definitely keep her in with me. How much sleep are they going to get with all those young kids in one room. My kids would have been tired and grumpy and not enjoyed the day time activities.

Course not. I'd expect and want small DC in with us in a big house of strangers too. You're not asking for an extra room or changing anything for anyone else.

Just keep it light, smiley and bang the same drum repeatedly.

'It's fine, we'll have DD in with us'
She can go with the other kids
'No, it's fine she can sleep in with us'
But...
'no, honestly, it'll work best if she's in with us.'
But why
'she will sleep better if she's in with us'

The end.

I would say no because of the chaos that would undoubtedly ensue.

Different children waking at different times and wanting parents, waking in the night in a strange place etc.

I think it is fine if you just move a child mattress into your room . No big deal. Just don’t demand a suite or something

You’re dead right about this. However, I would go from a safety aspect (assuming it’s a hotel) because they won’t want a room just for kids. They need looking after. If it’s a shared house or apartment then she can slip in to you later. Play it by ear, you may feel more relaxed and that it is appropriate when out there but you’re absolutely right to have this in your mind.

YANBU - you are being a good mother as you don’t know these people and neither does your daughter. She will be petrified in a room of strangers

if after a few days she wants to join the kids then you can reassess

if there is any debate don’t go !!

I did this growing up - with close family (cousins) I saw a few times a year. We were all about ages 7-10.

I agree with you OP - not with strangers and the children are far too young. How will a 5 year old deal with a 1 year old?! They are mad for suggesting this

I’d also have my DC with me, but I wouldn’t make a deal of it now - I’d just wait til I got there and say we’ve decided we’d prefer to share.

Are you In a chalet?
I’d not say a word and just take her in with you once you get there. Chalets are laid out for maximum bed space, often with sleeping nooks or literally no space for an extra bed in a room and trying to sort out now where she’ll sleep could be really difficult.
You van just blithely say “Oo, that won’t work, no worries she can bunk up with us” once you’re there.

Agree - it’s one of those nice but not well thought through ideas - I doubt any of the kids will last the whole time in a room together

This ^

If she later did want to share with them I’d also let her.

Your daughter can share a room with whoever YOU choose

As long as you aren’t asking to change other rooms (i.e. you moving into a bigger room), then I wouldn’t think twice about saying that she’ll just sleep with you.

Not unreasonable at all - there is no way my 4yo would be able to sleep in this situation! Just say she’ll go in with you, it shouldn’t be a big deal and if anyone makes it a big deal, that’s a reflection on them!

Why can’t she just sleep with you? Or is the idea that you’re also sharing with someone?

'Just to let you know, DD will just bunk in with us on the trip - it's what we all feel happier with, and it won't negatively affect anyone else's plans'.

Is your partner the father of your daughter as I’m assuming not , in which case will she be comfortable bunking in with you either ?

Agree with everyone - you don't need to explain it. Just say you think DD will want to stay with you but you can play it by ear once you see the actual arrangements.

Neither of mine would have wanted to share a room with kids they don't know.

Don't mention that you don't trust the other adults. Do mention that she'll sleep with you. Pack a new blow up bed and a pump in your case tho - don't expect them to move beds or find a chalet with a double and a single in one. room

Is your DP your child’s Dad?

Will he agree to sharing a room with a 4 yo all week rather than ‘adult time’ on hol?

No, it's not my daughters dad. DP will just have to deal with no "adult time". Surely she can survive a week without it! I think being in the same chalet with her family will be a mood killer anyway!