Aibu to think not very nice people seem to do well in life

[Springslopes12]

I know this post may come across as jealous/bitter and I guess I am. However I just feel that people who aren't very nice seem to do well in life i.e financial and do well in business. It's probably to do with their personality and that they don't care about who they upset therefore they move higher in the ranks.
I've just seen a girl I used to be friends with pop up and she is married to the guy she was with many years ago. They have the biggest house, nicest things, go to fancy events and places.
However I know she's not a nice person that's why I cut her out of my life. I was bullied badly by another girl on holiday and she joined in. She didn't stick up for me or help me. That holiday was absolutely horrible for me. Cried so much!
She was always trying to compete with me too and better me. I just feel why do these people get what they want. It's just not fair. I did tell her the reasons why I stopped talking to her as she asked why I was being quiet with her. She tried to dismiss her actions but I did not accept it.

I've seen this a lot in life. As another poster had pointed out psychopaths are disproportionately successful due to their ability to use and abuse people to get where they want. I've also noticed useless people often fail upwards. They're promoted or given strong references for roles they're unqualified for as a way of getting rid of them. If there is no immediate cause to fire them, employers and managers find it easier to make them someone else's problem.

Was quite annoyed hearing about Boris Johnson's new baby yesterday as he doesn't even seem to know how many he has. I'd have loved another child but didn't get to have one, yet he doesn't value his kids and pops loads of them out, plus all his freeloading with houses to live in at other people's expense. That feels very unfair to me, regardless even of his political career. He doesn't seem to ever have considered anyone else and just falls on his feet every time.

@Springslopes12 I think it's their personality mentality that attributes to bit success but also being mean.

I knew someone selling one of those diet shake schemes. If someone was spending money and buying their product she would tell them everything they wanted to hear and totally suck up to them. As soon as they stopped she'd just ghost them. She was making a LOT of money from it but was so unbelievably rude about "clients" behind their backs. If you dared say anything negative about the product or their selling tactics to someone using them then this woman would just tell them some vile lies about you! Really nasty woman. Ironically she still sells it, still making LOTS of money, but still very overweight after 5 years!

I just make sure I have NOTHING to do with people like that. Life is too short.

Yes! I see this soooo much too. Seeing incompetent people move higher. I've recently seen it in my job. The highers relied on my colleague who is at my level. She has so much experience and knowledge yet doesn't have the confidence to push herself higher! The highers used her for the knowledge and took the credit.

Why did you hang out with someone you knew had hurt you in the past? You have also chosen to remain in the same area you grew up in. So you may bump in to someone who bullied you especially if it’s a small town. I grew up in a very small town it was almost small enough to be classed as a village everyone knew everyone’s business.

I agree with you.

Well it was originally me and my ex friend. We had booked and then they bully and two others spoke to ex friend and between them arranged for them to join us. I didn't have a say and weren't happy about it. They stayed in the same hotel as us etc.

There are studies that less agreeable people are more successful so yes I agree OP.

I see this differently: someone without the confidence to push themself higher probably isn’t the right person for the job; a large part of senior roles is confidence in your own ability. In fact, relying on knowledgeable people beneath you as a senior leader is actually good practice; recognising their skills over yours is useful. Yes, this can be construed as the wrong person progressing, but often the only person stopping themself progressing is that person. Not everyone has the right mentality to climb.

A lot of mention of psychopathic traits climbing the ladder, but these people often have qualities important for doing these roles: clarity of thinking, decisiveness and ruthlessness are not all bad!

I can see that at work - there are a certain sort that just want the power and will do anything including criticising and walking on others on their way to join the dizzy heights.
It isn't jealousy (my house is bought and paid for, children happy etc plus I don't like doing management and would rather do the user facing work).
So many times I see the all user email congratulating someone on a getting a top job either internally or externally the words - bully, creep, bitch, they spent more time updating their CV getting a higher qualification than actually working seem to be on people's lips.

I remember I heard a programme on the radio years ago about bullying and its affects on both the person bullied and the bully. It found that victims of bullying can still be suffering the affects decades later. Meanwhile the bully, goes through life suffering no ill affects from being a bully and often continues this behaviour through adult and professional life. The worst of it was that the bully actually benefits from this behaviour and it's more likely to get them what they want and better life outcomes.

You had the choice to cancel, though?

Honestly, OP, this attitude is a bit irrational. You’re generalising about unpleasant people ‘doing well in life’ on a tiny sample and some visibly (understandably) unresolved feelings about your bully. Who, as you say, hasn’t had a stellar career, but just got married to someone doing better. Your other bully became a nurse, and is unlikely to be earning megabucks, if that’s your criterion. She also got married to someone ‘doing well’. Your income is low because of the sector you chose being ill-paid. That’s something you can presumably change if it’s not working for you. I agree with @Straightjacketsandroses about your under-confident colleague.

The bullies at my secondary school haven’t ’done well’. Not surprisingly, as it was a rough school in a poor area with a lot of problems. Lots of addiction and unemployment. The girl everyone was frightened of was in prison last I heard. A couple of her gang died young. If I visit my parents I see one or two around on the street, and it’s clear they’ve had difficult lives.

Fully agree with this balanced view.

I think you're right OP.

I did read somewhere that narcissism is a common trait of CEOs (or something along those lines)

I think it's because you've correctly identified that they don't care if they trample all over others to get on. They have no guilt over lying, sneaking and being manipulative.

It must be great to be that carefree ! But, I think to myself, do I want to be a CEO? I don't. Do I value career over everything else in my life ? No, definitely not. They probably "win" at business aspects of life, but possibly lose in other areas, like friendship, romance , hobbies.

I think we (particularly girls) of a certain generation were very much taught to be people pleasers and "nice" and "polite" "don't answer back" and the very lovely "little girls should be seen and not heard " ....it doesn't help does it ?

My son particularly is a very caring and selfless boy, will often go along with what others want and put his needs lesser. I've just taught him "yes, do be kind and thoughtful. But always keep the balance, don't ever put other people's needs first at the detriment of your own "

Sadly, I think "nice" people are respected less ultimately.

A lot of it seems like luck to me, and being in the right place at the right time. Being successful and wealthy doesn't seem to correlate with intelligence or personality in many cases, they just made a few choices early on that went well for them.

This is absolutely spot on , my friend works in a team and one man is an absolute nightmare, he’s just been promoted as a way of getting rid of him out of their team 😂

Comparison is the theif of joy

these people are likely up to their eyeballs in debt or have other stuff going on in their lives. We only show the good stuff online usually and people with that type of personality are usually even worse for a false perception

I've found exactly the same in my organisation. Some of the managers and senior staff that have been promoted over the years have had many many people scratching their heads. They get "demoted up" . Seems really strange. I don't think it happened years ago.

You are right. Surgeons have notoriously high levels of narcissism and psychopathy apparently. When you think about it, they are literally butchering people, cutting things off, cutting people open. Taking knives, scalpels and hammers to the human flesh. You can't have an "ohhhh, i don't want to hurt them " attitude I guess. It's weird, because even if I knew someone was totally anaesthetised, my reflexes just wouldn't allow me to cut them. It's like a literal mental block. I'm too empathetic. Whereas I guess you don't want a surgeon like that!

There are plenty of nice people who have made a good life, there are also lots of not nice people that haven’t made anything of themselves. I think you’ve just got this mindset because of your experience

That's a little patronising and dismissive. There are well known researched links with narcissism/psychopathy and business success.

Although I know plenty of nice, kind people who struggle, most of the really nasty bitter people I have met end up stuck in ever-shrinking lives as each year they lose more friends, and opportunities dry up.

I also noticed that quite a few of the 'nastier' people from when I was young appear to have larger, involved families and large circles of friends.
I know there are some who were the school 'favourites' who also did well.
It's the nice, reliable but unremarkable that got shit on including me and are permanently on the periphery of friendships.

She's one example. Speaking as someone who's spent their working life in people oriented professions, those who earn more aren't responsible for my career choices, regardless of whether they're nice or unpleasant people.