Aibu to think not very nice people seem to do well in life

[Springslopes12]

I know this post may come across as jealous/bitter and I guess I am. However I just feel that people who aren't very nice seem to do well in life i.e financial and do well in business. It's probably to do with their personality and that they don't care about who they upset therefore they move higher in the ranks.
I've just seen a girl I used to be friends with pop up and she is married to the guy she was with many years ago. They have the biggest house, nicest things, go to fancy events and places.
However I know she's not a nice person that's why I cut her out of my life. I was bullied badly by another girl on holiday and she joined in. She didn't stick up for me or help me. That holiday was absolutely horrible for me. Cried so much!
She was always trying to compete with me too and better me. I just feel why do these people get what they want. It's just not fair. I did tell her the reasons why I stopped talking to her as she asked why I was being quiet with her. She tried to dismiss her actions but I did not accept it.

I feel you on this. My sibling is deeply unpleasant and is, on paper, doing 'very well' in life. Big salary, foreign holidays, car, lifestyle to match. The way they have treated our family has been atrocious. Also school bullies that have gone on to do well. It can feel so demoralising, I work longer hours, plus take time to look out/care for others, yet my earnings and lifestyle pale in comparison. I also am crippled with self-doubt and low confidence due to bullying. Sometimes it feels like being deeply unpleasant gets you 'on' in life because you only care about yourself, while those who look out for others just end up being used, abused and hurt.

Confirmation bias - try also looking for really nice people who do well - you’ll find them.

Also, nice is an opinion - there will be people who like your bully!

Also it does take certain personality traits to climb certain ladders. So yes sometimes ruthless people make strides.

Oh yes I know what you mean.

Of course there are decent people who do well, but psychopaths are over represented in top leadership positions.

I know what you mean but appearances can be deceiving.

Just because people have expensive stuff, does not mean they are doing well. It's especially suspicious if they are showing it off. There is a good chance they went into significant debt to acquire it all. Not a good situation to be in.

Also, you are giving these people way too much headspace when they are so not worth it.

If you are unpleasant to anyone who is not likely to be 'useful' and also outwardly attractive, you have hit the jackpot in life. It's the opposite of the values I raised my kids with (be kind to everyone, don't judge based on looks etc). I wish now I had raised them as ruthless, shallow arseholes!

I’m sure that happens sometimes, but thinking back to my year at school, the kindest girls have gone on to do far better than the bullies. People with excellent social skills - an ability to make others feel cared for and drawn to them - do well in corporate environments.

I know and its due to their lack of empathy and therefore not worrying about hurting others to get where they need to go.

Totally get there are nice people doing well too. Just not fair.
The career im now in is helping others and my sector is renowned for paying low. Its in the public sector.
She herself isn't doing well she just married a guy who is doing well so I guess I feel it's more unfair because it's him doing the hard work and she sits and enjoys the benefits.
Sorry for the rant, just wish my life wasn't a tough slog sometimes and I could be a tiny bit more ruthless but then morally I couldn't do it

I don’t think life is fair.
I’ve always been a good person (not to brag but just comfortable with how I’ve treated people in life). I’ve also had a few really horrid things happen along the way that I flat out did not deserve. Just when I finally thought I’d got it all and life was paying off. Met the right guy, sorted financial security and got over trauma in my past we had a DC who is severely disabled and our whole lives became about that. It’s extremely hard work every day and It feels immensely unfair!

What I will say from observation is this, those ‘horrible people who have it all’ in my experience tend to peak. It’s often around the 40’s that things seem to fall apart. Divorces, affairs, kids who turn into teenagers who are much more aware of their parents personality issues and short comings. A lot of them seem to end up as older adults (50+) who are quite unhappy and bitter. I suspect it’s because, in my circles at least, these people relationships and connections are largely based on a weird level of competitive falseness and overwhelming desire to ‘look like they’ve got it all’ but as they get older it all becomes tedious and unfulfilling.

There are loads of nasty people who do badly, you just don’t feel jealous of them so don’t notice. What is the other holiday bully up to?

I agree, I roll my eyes a bit when people say karma will catch up to them. It doesn’t always.
Or they will end up all alone and miserable.

Many awful people go on and thrive and a tribe of people cheering them on right to the end.

And many good people struggle and are left with few people to support them despite helping others in the past.

I don’t give it too much though, it is what it is. It has affected the way I behave to an extent though. Not that I try and be unkind or ruthless but I have to say I notice a bit more if relationships are not reciprocal or fair and am happy to step back and be a bit more focused on self.

Also I’d like to add so many of my friends are thriving too and they are wonderful people- so there’s that.

Holidays are the worse place to be bullied OP as there’s literally nowhere to escape - and the bullies know this. It happened to me not with friends but relatives

Yep. As a society we reward individualism. Meanwhile nurses are expected to live on peanuts as it’s apparently just a vocation. It’s fucked.

I don't really know much as she was never my friend she was just friends with the other girl and she invited her to this holiday. I know the holiday bully in first school and she was evil and spiteful back then. She bullied me and alot of others. Anyway she went on to become a sister on a nursing ward! Ironic as that is suppose to be a caring role. Think she likes the power over vulnerable others. I know she also married a consultant at the hospital.

I don't think anyone expects life to be fair. Much of it is down to luck.

Plus people get paid well specifically to do nasty jobs. I know someone whose job is to go into companies with problems and make people redundant. Often people who have worked hard and been totally committed for years. He joins a company, culls all the staff, takes all the flack and then leaves after 18 months, having been paid extremely well for his time. I couldn't cope with that stress.

There's a lot you can do to counter the unfairness though. Stop expecting things to be fair. Don't assume people are nice, wait for them to demonstrate it. Always be ready to walk away from a job or relationship that turns toxic. Be clear in what you want to achieve.

I find this true of fake false people. Uber popular, and they get to ditch people at a moments notice and move on to their next target.

If they have children, their kids are not allowed to make their own friends. Their time and friendships are micromanaged by their parents as to what can benefit them and not what makes their children happy. They then train their once sweet and innocent kids to be like their awful parents and so the cycle continues onto the next generation.

Why did you go on holiday with the girl if she bullied you and others at school?

They might succeed materially but they are still nasty inside. You can bet they still piss off many people and have enemies.
Ultimately, I'd rather have Jess success but genuine people inm
In my life.

I have seen the wicked flourish like the green bay tree (psalm 37)

I do think it depends a bit on what you think is nasty and what you think is success. Anyone who has to make decisions is going to piss people off a lot of the time. And sometimes you can rub up against someone who just brings out the worst in you. But yes, some people are bullies most of the time and they can do very well.

This is actually very common @Springslopes12 . Think about all the good young healthy people who die young and get sick!?
The only people I know who have been/ are very ill are wonderful people. The only people I know who’ve had serious struggles like children with disabilities are lovely people (before and after their kids), I rarely meet awful poor people. I work in an area where I come across people from very marginalised and poor backgrounds and I’m not being naive but they generally they are the best people I’ve met 🤷‍♀️
I’ve a wonderful friend here who has a rare form of cancer , a child with severe sn and other children , she has a great dh thankfully but her family are unhelpful and selfish (they are all doing great themselves).
Life is deeply unfair , that’s a fact . But , there is a theory too that the more selfish people in life get further as they literally don’t give a shit about other people….. they’ll do whatever they can to look after themselves whereas good people will put effort into helping people at the expense of their energy and their comfort so therefore their health could suffer , they do more physically etc etc. I see what you are saying all the time but just have to accept that life isn’t fair ..Like my friend above , her family talk the talk but in reality the won’t help and don’t as if would make them tired, they are inherently selfish and can’t put themselves out. I know two people who’ve received loads of money and inheritance, one man treated many women he was with like absolute crap and they’ve been left with heartache whereas he’s rich and fit and healthy and seems v happy 🤷‍♀️

Apologies for my lack of paragraphs.. I’ve to rush to work as I’m not rich 😂

The most awful person I know is very wealthy (they literally don’t shut up about how much money they have). He has done well in his career due to his personality, it helps to be very self assured, ruthless and cocky in his line of work. He’s still a massive arse though and tends to have to buy his friends. So, meh 🤷‍♀️

Yes it's true. To climb the hierarchy in a corporation for instance you need qualities like arrogance, self-centeredness, dishonesty, and lack of empathy for others - or even enjoyment in harming others. Plus lack of self-awareness. Elon Musk is a prime example.

If you're just talking about money this might be true because they have a ruthless streak and no moral scruples maybe. Whether they're happier or not is a different question.