School Mum mean to me

[Helpisneeded100]

Hi All,

Wondering if I should confront a school mum? We used to be friendly, see each other occasionally at family event, school events etc I really liked her although looking back on reflection we don’t have lots of things in common and it was definitely more me keen to be friends. However I was never pushy etc Anyway we had a few meet ups without the kids, coffees etc which I thought went well. She then went quiet on me, I tried one last time suggested a catchup which she ignored.

A bit miffed but I took the hint and didn’t get in touch again. When we would bump into each other I would always be friendly and she would always say oh we need to catch up etc and if she messaged me a question related school again would say oh we need to catch up let me look at the calendar. I always responded that would be lovely but never chased her about meeting up. Which of course never happened.

recently though when I see her, which is not often she actively ignores me, blanks me and one time she even scowled. I do not know what I have done wrong. I am struggling with this as I am a people pleaser and don’t cope well if I think people dislike me.

I understand she doesn’t want to be friends and I am fine with that, however to actively blank me, scowl etc I feel is mean and not necessary. Just smile and move on, no need to chat etc

anyway, should I call her and ask her what’s up? Not sure it will resolve anything really? But I dread just bumping into her and not sure what to do anymore.

how do other people cope when school mums actively display their dislike of you?

I wouldn’t. It would look as though you’re bothered. I know you are, but you don’t want her to know.

You know you haven’t done anything.

I would just blank her. Don’t give her head room. She’s not worth it.

Does it matter if she doesn't like you ? I know it's worrying you but you need to let this go, keep her at arms length she doesn't want to meet up just see her as an aquatence somebody you know.

If you bump into her just be pleasant smile and wave.

I think you were more into this friendship than her and need to take the hint unfortunately

Are your children friends? Do they play together?

The best way to handle this is act like you haven't even noticed.
Carry on smiling and saying hi when you walk past.
If she doesn't reply, scowls or whatever don't miss a step. Don't change your facial expression.

You need to act like you are aware youve walked past someone and are being polite but she personally is of so little importance to you that you don't actually pay any attention to her reaction to your polite greeting and haven't noticed she doesn't reply.

It drives people like that bonkers. They hate it.

Horse lock bolted etc.

Anyway I've had similar scenarios in the past OP. Try to reframe your thinking about it; perfectly reasonable for someone to not like me but for them to need me to know that screams immaturity and neediness.

Keep smiling and walking right by her. She's pathetic.

You need to work on the people pleasing, it’s not healthy and is more likely to stop people liking you.

I have been in this position, except we were quite close friends too, so I did ask about it and long story short, I got no answers and we are still not friends. For someone who I was casual acquaintances with, who I hadn't spoken to in a while, I don't think I would bother. If you think you would feel better having closure, then maybe ask her. But keep in mind she is unlikely to tell you the truth.

I am a people pleaser and don’t cope well if I think people dislike me

No, don't contact her; it would make you look foolish.
Just, start to try and distance yourself psychologically from the discomfort her snubbing you brings.
If you clock her at the gate/on the playground, just walk on by!
It's not easy - I've been there - but it gets less uncomfortable after a while.

I am in the same situation.. She reels me back again at her convenience then i get ignored. I always rush now. A quick hello and march off. Gutted our dc will be attending the same secondary - the only 2 from their current primary...

I had one of these. I’m really nice and pleasant when I see her - just makes her look a dick.

also remember - other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. If you generally nice and kind who gives a shit if they like you or not? I don’t.

Just smile and wave and try not to take the situation seriously. If she wants to be like that then leave her to it. She doesn’t sound like a happy person, don’t let her affect you.

Who knows why this woman has gone cold on you? And why let it matter so much? She's not a close friend, she's just an acquaintance. Just ignore her if she's ignoring you. She's not important. Let it go and maybe get some counselling to address the people pleasing.

Hi, thank you for your message but that’s the thing I dis take the hint. I hadnt contacted her in well over a year as I took the hint she didn’t want a friendship with me. She contacted me a few times with questions and each time she said we need to get you round to our house let me look at dates and come back to you. I always responded friendly but never pushed meeting up, I always responded sounds lovely let us know when suits. The ball was firmly left in her court.

I took the hint and left her to it. She also contacted me once with a Question which really she could have asked a number of people.

I guess I don’t understand why she has now moved on to scowling at me when all I did was wave in passing as I don’t want to be rude and ignore someone.

maybe she is annoyed I am not trying to catch up with her anymore? But that doesn’t make sense to me as I thought this was what she wanted?

I think it just makes me feel really uncomfortable and anxious around events where I know I could run into her. For me I wouldn’t treat anyone that way, I get not everyone will like you but you can treat everyone with courtesy. I am really not looking for a friendship now just don’t want to feel rubbish each time we bump into each other as she makes it clear she doesn’t like me.

what’s the best way to not feel anxious? I am having counselling which is helping a lot but have a bit to go sadly.

Maybe this is a her issue and she treats everyone like this. Friends then dumps them with no explanation. There are some women who never leave their mean girls school era behaviour. Honestly just smile and wave. Don't let the little madam get any inkling that she has got to you.

No our children don’t play together thankfully. We really just see each other at school events, so not often, which is good. But enough to make me feel a bit anxious about it.

Actually after your reply I think you should ask.her maybe send a message rather than face to face ask her if you have offended her as you are getting the impression you have, I wouldn't go down wanting to still be friends route though.

It doesn’t matter to me she doesn’t want to be friends, it did at the start but I have moved on. However it does bother me that she feels the need to be nasty when she does see me. I feel like what’s the point of this? I took the hint, I don’t contact you, if I see you I wave in passing and only say Hi if we are so close to each other it would be rude not to. Maybe I shouldn’t though perhaps I should just wave and move on?

I guess my real question is what could I possibly have done to be met with such anger? I know I haven’t done anything perhaps I am just an easy target for her to take her anger out on?

I would ask her after you have seen her and you have experienced how she behaves, not randomly.

I did think about asking her but I suspect she will say no, why do you think that? All I can say is I have noticed you scowl at me? Seem a bit funny with me? Then she will be telling other school mums I have approached her asking if I have offended her?

Honestly I don’t think I will ever get to the bottom of why and I don’t want to be friends anymore either. So I am not sure why this bothers me so much?

I need to grow a back bone and stop caring so much what other people think about me.

You are probably right it will just go round and round, people are just weird sometimes!

Unless you call her out on her behaviour you'll never know.

Personally I'd just forget it and move on.

I think there could be an element is this here. Lovely to the people she likes, not so much to the ones she doesn’t. I think how can you be bothered with all this angst! Perhaps she thrives on it?