I think this is perhaps the crux of it- there were always those who lacked resilience and didn’t cope, I just think the proportion has grown on the back of helicopter/lawnmower parenting, never being forced to take responsibility or learn how to manage risks and pick themselves up and get in with things. Even the things they’d rather not do, possibly even especially the things they’d rather not do. I think too often children are protected from failure/consequences of mistakes (even minor ones), and also encouraged to think of their opinion as very important in a way that is not commensurate with their knowledge, experience and authority. I don’t beIieve children should be seen and not heard or anything of that sort, and I do think their views are to be considered, but in a balanced way. Add in the tendency to hyperbole- even with excessive praise/reward, or the exaggerated negative response- and I think there is often a lack of proper stability or grounding, or understanding of the world.
I think many parents do not foster independence either. I have seen this among my own circle of friends and colleagues. To be fair, several of them think I am mad to let my DC take part in “dangerous” sports and have a degree of independence that they would find anxiety inducing. I am fairly sure one colleague thinks I am verging on neglectful. The truth is, sometimes it does make me nervous, but I won’t stop them doing things or seeking adventures because it worries me- I have to trust I have given them the skills/training/ knowledge to either cope, or the confidence to ask for help if they need it. I hope they know I will absolutely try to help them, but I won’t always try to clean up their mistakes for them.
Some of the things I have heard have horrified me. One has stopped her child from taking part in most sports that have any contact, however minimal, or even things like cross country running or water sports as they could be easily injured or drown. Another was so worried about her daughter going in a date- at 17 and with a boy she knew, that she banned her daughter from going unless she and her father could be in the same place, but supervising from a distance. A 3rd had been complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen that her child has been treated unfairly because they repeatedly failed to hand in coursework in time, so the teacher said they’d only be able to go over it briefly because she had not been given enough time prior to submission. This was, apparently, “appalling” and if the young person did not do as well as hoped it would down to the teacher. She has been in to the school and is open about wanting to get this teacher sacked as her child is “devastated’ by the “lack of support”- despite admitting the teacher had told the children about deadlines/timelines and had reminded the DC several times. Apparently, the teacher should have simply “made the time” or “made sure” the work was done promptly.
Young people have wanted to kick over the traces, change the world, not agree with “the old ways” of doing things etc since time immemorial. I think it is to be expected and would be worried if that disappeared, However, I think there is also more of a sense of entitlement, if that is the right word- a rigidity of thinking and unwillingness to accept things they do not like or agree with, and an inability to engage in debate with those they disagree with or dislike. There is a growing preference for residing within an echo chamber of those who share your opinion. And a growing issue with the rise of social media/instant media that they are easily being swayed by the sheer quantity of content, without always having the skills to filter out the “wheat from the chaff” of reliable vs unreliable sources of information. This all feeds into the nonsense around being “triggered” by all sorts of things and then thinking it is always appropriate to simply choose not to engage, even if this is mandatory. Some of it is, frankly, ridiculous- e.g. not wanting to read historical literature because they are upset that women are not treated in a way we would now deem fair. Or to decide something makes them anxious, so they are just not doing that aspect of the course- rather than seeking help to overcome the problem. Mental health is frequently cited as an excuse. There is a growing belief that everyone should have the right to demand something to be changed to the way they want, as they want it, but without the experience, knowledge or skills to be in a position to decide that. Of course, I don’t think most young people are like this, but a growing (and increasingly vocal) number are.
I think the other thing that has changed is the ability to deal appropriately with these issues. Universities are increasingly struggling with backlash and pressure from vocal minorities, with social media frenzies. Similarly, employers have to deal with many if these situations very carefully to avoid accusations of bullying or discrimination- however unfounded. Again, I am not saying all younf people are like this. Nor am I saying all schools/ universities/ employers free from bias/discrimination or bullying.