WIBU to email the school? Teacher now being cold

[ChicJoker]

My 6 year old child has had underwear checked by 2 different teachers for an accident on two seperate occasions. I have also been able to walk into the classroom (normal at our school, parents take their kids to and from class) and be in it with no staff member present for around 5 minutes twice. I have complained to the school about the above, especially the underwear problem. Head was very helpful and apologetic, male teacher in question has been VERY stand offish since, I’ve not saw the other yet. Usually very chatty/smiley. Now avoiding conversation and letting other staff greet me.

AIBU to think word has got back (I’m sure it has) but find it very awkward going forward? Not sure how to approach as usually relationships are good

FWIW: child hasn’t had an accident once since being out of nappies (just turning age 3) so very odd for child to say they’d had one and feel they could have checked for themselves if so

I don't understand the to and from class thing. That said my daughter was toilet trained by 3. There is no way she would have had an accident aged 6.
If somebody thought to check her underwear, then I'd be livid.

Two different teachers have checked underwear on different occasions. Why? Is your child telling them they have had an accident? Does your child smell?

You basically accused the teachers of unnecessary checking of child's undwear aka sinister overtones. Of course they arnt going to be all chatty and friendly

you have complained about the teacher what do you expect a hug ?

How have they checked the underwear? What's your issue with being in the classroom for 5mins?

Who told you your child’s underwear was checked ?

Children in reception (and above for that matter) do have accidents. Most primary schools have several sets of spare underwear so that kids can be changed in the event of an accident.

most teachers ask the kid if it is possible for them to clean themselves up after an accident but some do need help, so teachers do see children’s underwear sometimes.

you have made a complaint. They are going to be very careful how they interact with you from now on.

Wet patches on classroom carpet at carpet time in YR are quite common!

Why does it matter if the teacher is now cold towards you? It’s not a friendship. And he isn’t your teacher so it shouldn’t matter.

The purpose of your complaint was presumably to prompt a change in behaviour from the staff and there has been a change.

How did they check her underwear? What was the reason? Did she smell like she’d had an accident or squirming?

No teacher should be checking the underwear of their class. If they really really need to, then a male teacher should absolutely not be checking a girl. Primary schools are about 95% women. There will be plenty about to check. If staff have a situation where they really must check, then two adults should be present in an open space. If nothing else, these staff members are leaving themselves wide open to complaints and investigations.

I think you might need to rethink this one. You want to make a complaint about a teacher being cold towards you because you made a complaint against them. So a double-complaint. That will surely not make things warmer.

I get why you complained but I don’t get why you are surprised the teacher is now acting differently towards you/keeping their distance. You have prioritised the safety of your child, fair enough, but don’t expect the teacher to be over the moon that you’ve made two safeguarding complaints about them. I mean, really?!

I understand your concern and feel we don’t have all the details to make an informed judgement to support you next.
I teach reception and had the opposite complaint made. A child going home with slightly wet underwear from not wiping properly (clothes never visibly wet and child hadn’t said anything about a potential accident). I felt horrified about the prospect of an uncomfortable child but also still utterly confused by how I was supposed to know without physically checking (and why would I if there were no signs of an accident 😓).
I agree with posters above though. I wouldn’t ever physically check a child’s underwear even if I suspected an accident. I would ask the child if they hadn’t already approached me, then request they check in the toilets/get themselves changed if they are fully capable. Support is given to change if needed (not wipe unless intimate care plan in place).
I hope you get all the answers you need, OP x

ETA: I do think you would be unreasonable to email the school about the teacher’s current demeanour towards you. The complaint is being handled by the sounds of things, and things like this could rightly or wrongly (I don’t know the details) cost the teacher their career. I would wait to see the outcome of the complaint, plus there’s only one more term left of this school year.

Teacher here, albeit not in primary.

I imagine if kids are increasingly starting school not potty trained, there’ll be a hell of a lot of accidents even at age six. The teachers won’t have information on who was trained when and if they are prone to accidents obviously. Having said that, I’d not like my DD to be checked either - I’m just trying to think why they checked above. But I also hate the thought of her soiling or wetting herself and nothing being done about it. They should have had a quiet word and encouraged her to check in a toilet.

I imagine the teacher is upset due to the complaint - hardly surprising. Of course they aren’t going to act as normal. They can be professional without being friendly. I have taught kids of serial complainers (not that you are!) and I was certainly more succinct in my interactions with them and would have kept them to an absolute minimum if they complained about me. I’d also be very shaken by a complaint of this nature frankly and very cautious going forward.

Same here. Opposite complaint too. Child had messed himself and the parent complained that I hadn’t noticed. How I was meant to know when he hadn’t told me I don’t know.

Op was very careful not to disclose if her child is a girl or a boy

And she didn’t say it was the teacher.

Apologies ive had family round. I dont want to complain that the teacher is being cold, my “was I being unreasonable” was about the initial complaint.

my child does not smell, she is notably immaculate, the teacher told me himself that he’d checked her underwear. Apparently she’d said she thought her pants were wet and he immediately lifted her skirt to check. This has been confirmed. No offer for her to check herself. He even said to me that it’s not like her as he’s never known her to have an accident. I was clear in the email that I’m not suggesting anything sinister or malicious, but find it inappropriate that it’s standard practice for this to happen. Which again has been admitted and they’ve said they’ll review their procedures.

the complaint about going into the class is a massive safeguarding thing for me, that’s why I mentioned taking my children to and from their classes as I’ve been able to do this twice without staff noticing I’m there for up to 5 minutes. I’d also mentioned a teacher being out of the room texting (phone inside his rucksack) and the whole year 1 class being there with no teacher (and me in the room!)

She was there on her own. There should always be a member of staff there surely ?

Aaaaa yes, the suspect wet patch! And no one admitting to it but there’s always one that wiffs of wee wee!

if it were me, I would have asked your DD if they had had an accident.

Also to clarify, she hadn’t had an accident and she was outside playing with water in the hot weather at the time

This is really not ok. I would be very cross indeed as a parent of a daughter and I’ve been teaching for a very long time. It’s not appropriate behaviour. It’s not a good thing to teach little girls that a man can just lift her skirt without permission. He should have firstly got the child to go to the toilet and check herself and then quite frankly accepted her verbal answer. If he was still concerned (why?!) two female staff members could have checked with the child’s consent. Or he could have just offered her dry knickers for her to change herself if needed.

Parents are not DBS checked and should not be alone with children.