WIBU to email the school? Teacher now being cold

[ChicJoker]

My 6 year old child has had underwear checked by 2 different teachers for an accident on two seperate occasions. I have also been able to walk into the classroom (normal at our school, parents take their kids to and from class) and be in it with no staff member present for around 5 minutes twice. I have complained to the school about the above, especially the underwear problem. Head was very helpful and apologetic, male teacher in question has been VERY stand offish since, I’ve not saw the other yet. Usually very chatty/smiley. Now avoiding conversation and letting other staff greet me.

AIBU to think word has got back (I’m sure it has) but find it very awkward going forward? Not sure how to approach as usually relationships are good

Omg I cannot believe people are questioning whether this is true? I could post the email but perhaps it would be identifying.

it seems that due to the apparent unfathomable lack of safeguarding I may have to reconsider letting my children continue their education there.

it's probably best if you don't - continue to let them there.

For the sake of everyone involved!

I would be very unhappy in both of these circumstances. It sounds as though this school is being run in an informal and unprofessional manner.

Yes, your child said they thought their underwear was wet. If this was questionable and absolutely needed an adult to check, there should have been two adults present and should have been done with the child’s permission and the upmost discretion. Looking up a skirt in the classroom is not ok.

No parents should be left alone with the pupils under any circumstances unless they have completed the relevant dbs checks.

I’m not surprised the teacher is giving you a wide berth. They have acted unprofessionally, no doubt with kindness and without thinking but not in line with how a teacher should behave.

What the teacher did was totally inappropriate IMO. I’d be livid if a male teacher checked my DD’s underwear (especially without her consent). She should have been asked if she was uncomfortable and wanted to change and if so, allowed to change in private or been offered for a female teacher to help her

Makes more sense after your update about it being a private school. Private schools can basically do what they like, without the strict safeguarding protections of a state school.

What?! You must be joking, this is absolutely not true. What complete nonsense.

Having worked in private schools in the younger years, I can confirm things are very different from in the state sector. At the one I worked at, staff would help children get changed and could give them hugs to console tears - perhaps there is a similar ethos at your school and he forgot that because he is male some people might look poorly upon him. I wouldn’t be happy if a male teacher did that to my daughter, either, to be fair. But we would also have parents wandering about on site if they made it through security and wouldn’t bat an eyelid because it was considered normal (we’d obviously be supervising the class carefully as usual).

But yes, if someone made a (two?) complaint(s) about me, I’d absolutely keep my distance from them. Especially if they did so without raising any issues with me first. I’d be worried about what that parent would complain about next and would not wish to give them any more fodder.

It seems unbelievable as the safeguarding you describe is so poor. I wouldn’t be happy with parents having free access to my child’s classroom. My child went to a private nursery and it was like Fort Knox to get in and out. Absolutely no holding doors for other parents and every child was password protected. It’s the same at my niece and nephew’s nursery. On the odd occasion I pick them up I am not allowed anywhere near any children until they are sure of who I am. I certainly couldn’t go into any classrooms unescorted.

So on top of what you’ve described about parents having free access to all areas there is now an issue with your DD having her pants checked. A male teacher lifting her skirt and looking into her pants in a corridor away from anyone else? I’d be very concerned.

It sounds like they don't have a clue of normal safeguarding. I would be removing my child from their 'care' immediately.

Hasn’t OP just proved that it IS true?? This school is by far not the only example. I’ve heard tons of stories from family and friends about very strange behaviour at private school. A friend of mine who taught Geography at one didn’t even have a degree. Another friend’s teacher regularly visited him at his house to have dinner together/glass of wine/discuss homework when he was 15/16 and his parents were out (but aware) - the school knew and didn’t bat an eyelid. I also went to a private secondary myself and teachers regularly hugged students, the head teacher (a woman) would put her hands down the girls’ skirts without warning to unroll them! (This was all early- mid 2000s). I’d never send my DC to private school, staff are just not bound by the same safeguarding protections that massively reduce opportunities for abuse

staff are just not bound by the same safeguarding protections that massively reduce opportunities for abuse

This just isn’t true. Not bound by the same safeguarding protections? I work in an independent school and can 100% say we are - of course we are. The OP has proved only that her school is falling short of those protections, not that indies aren’t bound by the same rules as everyone else.