WIBU to email the school? Teacher now being cold

[ChicJoker]

My 6 year old child has had underwear checked by 2 different teachers for an accident on two seperate occasions. I have also been able to walk into the classroom (normal at our school, parents take their kids to and from class) and be in it with no staff member present for around 5 minutes twice. I have complained to the school about the above, especially the underwear problem. Head was very helpful and apologetic, male teacher in question has been VERY stand offish since, I’ve not saw the other yet. Usually very chatty/smiley. Now avoiding conversation and letting other staff greet me.

AIBU to think word has got back (I’m sure it has) but find it very awkward going forward? Not sure how to approach as usually relationships are good

These are both safeguarding issues and the school is leaving themselves wide open to accusations or accidents which they cannot defend.

In fairness, the response from the head was absolutely rapid. Full of apology and promises of change. I guess I can only see if the proposals are followed through but in the meantime I do feel massively unsettled.

if there’s any relevance, it’s a private school that offers a huge amount of wrap around care so they very much pride themselves on parents being able to come and go into classes as they please. You don’t have to give notice/book a space.

As a primary school teacher I find it incredibly unbelievable that parents can just walk into classrooms and a teacher would check wet pants in such a way. I’ve been a teacher of 6 years olds for a long time and this is far far far from standard safe practice.

I honestly would move schools. What on earth are you paying for? The basic safety of your child is not even present.

Who in the hell describes their child as "notably immaculately" 🤨

lol. I knew somebody would say this. Other parents, many times, hence why I said “notably”.

This is my concern. The school should have enough money for AT LEAST some sort of round the clock security and/or ID cards or fobs. The school goes from reception to year 11 so you can imagine the amount of parents in and out of the buildings collecting their kids. They claim the one gate attendant “knows parents faces”

You were right to complain...Why on Earth would they need to check pants if your DC has never even had an accident at school?

My DD currently has some tummy troubles and she only ever changes her pants etc at school is if she tells them. Her TA helps helps to clean her up, for which I am eternally grateful. They do not randomly check pants and this should definitely not be happening unless there are known issues, like in DDs case.

I think there's massive cause for concern here. The cold shoulder only makes him seem suspiciously defensive.

How do you know your child's underwear has been checked? Did the school tell you this or your child? Most schools would ask a child to check themselves if there was a possibility the child had an accident. The staff member would stand outside the toilet door, whilst the child did this and also have another member of staff present. No staff member would do this on their own without another adult present - purely for safeguarding reasons. A lone teacher could be accused of touching a child or doing something they shouldn't, so should never be on their own, regardless of they are male or female. Some children do need help to clean themselves up, if they've had an accident, again two members of staff should be present. You need to be very very sure of your facts, before you make complaints of this nature. In this instance you have more or less accused the teacher of inappropriate behaviour towards your child. The staff member is going to be extremely wary how they interact with your child, and you, going forward.

my friend said the same RE suspicion. I would have thought it in his character to approach me and either apologise or explain as that’s what has very much been his nature previously

If you’d bothered to read the thread you’d see the teacher told me himself. And then the same teacher told me another teacher had checked by themselves. The school and my child have confirmed both occasions.

That's odd. I wouldn't feel comfortable lifting a girls skirt as a woman even. The normal thing would be to tell her to check if she's wet in the toilets.

Apologies, I missed that part. If the teacher told you themselves, that they physically checked your child's pants in case they'd had an accident, then there is definitely a safeguarding concern. Staff should always ask the child to check themselves and there should always be two members of staff present if a child needs help, regardless if they are male or female. You are right to be concerned. These are basic safeguarding rules they are breeching. I've had to be in a classroom on my own with a child changing into a PE kit (after landing in a puddle on the playground), and have asked another adult to stay with me, whilst the child changed.

He behaved really questionably. How could he be so naive as to think his behaviour would be considered normal? I think he knew he was wrong, and so “got ahead” of it by telling you first.

a generous interpretation is that he acted impulsively and then afterwards thought “whoops, that maybe wasn’t ok, i better explain to the mum”. there is also a not very nice explanation which i don’t need to spell out. either way it’s fine to complain i think you did the right thing.

Yes I think what’s struck me the most is the immediate reaction to just go ahead and check. I’ve asked my child if there was any further conversation or if she was taken anywhere private (outdoor play) she said no further conversation (confirmed by school) just skirt lifted then stepped inside (alone with teacher in corridor/doorway to class) and checked.

unsure how to follow up and make sure that changes are implemented. I’ve been worried about her going in since, not her fault but concerning to me that she didn’t object as I’ve told her over and over about private parts so now I’m aware she can’t/doesn’t speak up (understandable) in those situations I’m relying on being told which due to the frosty atmosphere I’m worried I won’t be told anything further.

I'm surprised by some of the responses here. The underwear checking and the unsupervised adult access to classrooms are both very concerning. This is basic safeguarding. I would seriously be looking for another school.

If it was female teachers checking in a professional and respectful way I don't see an issue in Year 1.

The second part, I agree parents should be not left unsupervised for ANY time with children in a classroom.You were right to raise that.

I agree re. safeguarding concerns raised. Sometimes private schools are less up-to-date with safeguarding than they should be because they come under less scrutiny. Definitely worth raising your concern about the procedure for how your daughter was checked and how parents wander the site without controls.

Excellent teacher of 27 years here. If I had been told , a parent had raised SG issues about my professionalism I would keep my distance from them also. I would be furious as a parent that non disclosure checked parents are in classes unsupervised with my child.

Should say ex not excellent

would you not find yourself to be unprofessional under these circumstances though?

for me, it’s not even about the DBS as they only show if somebody’s convicted of something. It’s about the potential risk of something like the horrific attacks we’ve seen on children happening

Maybe because this is one of the many posts recently that people just don't believe to be true

If I was accused of being inappropriate towards a child I don’t think I’d want to chit chat either!

You've made your point with the school. Best thing is to either leave it or move your child.

You seem to want this man's head on a stick. Not sure what else will satisfy you.

the potential risk of something like the horrific attacks we’ve seen on children happening

You do need to stick with one issue and reasonable complaint. When you start going off-tangent and being over-dramatic, you lose all credibility.

TWO teachers checking a kid's underwear? That's bizarre to say the least.

If this is true, I’d be moving schools due to the absolutely terrifying lack of safeguarding of the children on a day to day basis. I have never heard of any school ever allowing parents to just walk in and out of classrooms when they feel like it. All schools have a duty of care to their pupils. This school seems beyond even getting basic safeguards in place.