Just found a used condom in our bed...

[miniworry]

Well actually my DD aged 4 found it just as we came up to bed. 🤢 Literally just sat there in the packet at the top of the bed, still fresh liquid inside it.

Husband has been working from home today and has gone out on a works do for a few hours so I'm doing bedtime with the kids. I messaged him straight away saying WTF and he's just replied saying 'posh w*nk but I know that really doesn't help the situation I'm sorry babe'.

I don't think he's cheated because a) we have ring cameras on all 3 doors, there's been no gap in streaming all day and no one else in, and b) our bedroom is an absolute s* tip, the sheets are full of my fake tan from last night as I was changing them today and it looks just as much like Beirut in there as it did this morning.

We've got 2 young kids, one who is 1 and still isn't sleeping through and haven't had sex for about 3 weeks because quite frankly I just cba as I'm so tired..

But AIBU to be absolutely livid at the fact he's pleasuring himself whilst I am at work and b) that he left it there for my daughter to find!

Any advice on how I act when he returns home in a couple of hours would be greatly appreciated!

A posh wank? How old is he? 16???

This

@miniworry I get that, and you have evidence as it were so I would agree, but just why....doesn't help your situation but seriously....Men are weird...

I'm relieved for you. I'd tell him off for leaving it, hope for some sort of make up and leave it behind.

Wait what he dry humps you in your sleep?

thats repulsive

You realise that’s assault? And fucking disgusting.

Teachable moment for who- the four year old?!

Could he have been having some action by the back door (sorry)? Unless every way into your house is completely covered by CCTV, I’d still be suspicious.

You said in your op that you were asking if aibu if he was home pleasuring himself whilst you were at work?

@TinyRebel unless the other person came through the window, no. All 3 doors have ring floodlights on.

I also have had no reason to ever suspect he wouldn't be faithful. He's a great dad, a great husband.

Is this absolute proof now there is such a thing as a posh wank?

I don't get it. Men I know who do this just catch it in a tissue, before or afterwards and wipe it off their bellies.

This just doesn’t make sense to me. If he’s genuinely such a great dad and a great husband then I don’t understand why you’re “livid” over this one mistake which he has already acknowledged and apologised for?

he might stop dry humping me in my sleep for a few days

This should be the issue. That's really not OK. A "great husband" wouldn't do this, OP.

Because she’s tired, it happens. We over react to stuff.

She has acknowledged that in fairness.

He lay in filthy sheets covered in your fake tan? That sounds gross already

What a tidy wanker he is, putting it back in the packet, rather than just wiping it on your tan stained sheets. Did your DD actually see inside? He could have stripped the bed though if he had time for a wank.

It's grim to have left it, but otherwise fine.

However I'm more concerned that you main reason not to suspect cheating was that your bedroom is messy (surely you also trust him?!), and the dry humping whilst sleeping is sexual assault. So there are deeper things going on here than finding a used condom.

But AIBU to be absolutely livid at the fact he's pleasuring himself whilst I am at work and b) that he left it there for my daughter to find

A: completely unreasonable to be even annoyed let alone livid. He's perfectly entitled to

B: That's disgusting and I'd be furious at that

As for how you act when he gets home?
Same as normal. But let him know in future he's to tidy up after himself. But then fake tan covered sheets sound pretty disgusting too. Sounds like you both need to raise the bar a bit

That's disgusting. Assault, Can he not control himself and just sort himself in the bathroom. bloody grim.

why do women put up with these awful disrespectful men

Condom left in bed for DD to find is gross and irresponsible. Prob a mistake tho. BUT more importantly –

Genuinely disturbing that you feel entitled to control your husband's body (despite the later backtracking). Probably signals much deeper personality/relationship issues.

Dry humping part is weird and wrong if you were asleep aka not consensual. If you're awake and he's being a sex pest (towards a wife who prohibits wanking), different story.

All in all very screwed up.

FFS - i would be grossed out to wank in your dirty fake tan sheets. Waking - normal. Forgetting toe condom - probably forgivable. Youve overreacted, i dont get the whole 'how dare he wank when im at work' - are you quite a controlling person? People do that alot.... Dry humping you while you sleep is quite strange tho OP....

Yes, I'm surprised that everyone thinks it is normal to use a condom.

Surely most men just use a tissue don't they?

This thread is insane.

posh wanks do not exist. Especially with a man that doesn’t like using condoms normally

ring doorbell videos can be erased in like 5 seconds

people saying it’s worse for a 4 year old to see fake tan in a bed than pick up her dad’s used condom?

is this real?

Yep good point, ring doorbell footage is deletable.

Well I'd say you're both mingers - your fake tan all over the sheets and his jizzy condom are equally repulsive to me.

No - in fact the condom is much easier to deal with as it's all contained.

Oh another that would rather her child picks up their own dad’s jizzy condom than sees some tanned skin colour lotion on a sheet. Crack on with your fantastic parenting.