Just found a used condom in our bed...

[miniworry]

Well actually my DD aged 4 found it just as we came up to bed. 🤢 Literally just sat there in the packet at the top of the bed, still fresh liquid inside it.

Husband has been working from home today and has gone out on a works do for a few hours so I'm doing bedtime with the kids. I messaged him straight away saying WTF and he's just replied saying 'posh w*nk but I know that really doesn't help the situation I'm sorry babe'.

I don't think he's cheated because a) we have ring cameras on all 3 doors, there's been no gap in streaming all day and no one else in, and b) our bedroom is an absolute s* tip, the sheets are full of my fake tan from last night as I was changing them today and it looks just as much like Beirut in there as it did this morning.

We've got 2 young kids, one who is 1 and still isn't sleeping through and haven't had sex for about 3 weeks because quite frankly I just cba as I'm so tired..

But AIBU to be absolutely livid at the fact he's pleasuring himself whilst I am at work and b) that he left it there for my daughter to find!

Any advice on how I act when he returns home in a couple of hours would be greatly appreciated!

You’re seriously mad about him pleasuring himself when you’re at work?

Poor guy, even his moments alone are being controlled.

Poor form to leave the condom lying about though.

I mean it’s literally there as one of your two options…

Accidentally left my vibrator out once, that I had been relaxing with whilst DH was at the pub … didn’t do it on purpose, accidents happen.

he made a mistake. He sounds sorry. Why is this a big deal. Use it as a teachable moment to chat about contraception

I once found a sock that had clearly been used by my DH 🤢 I think I would have preferred to have found a condom. Obviously it's not great that your dd found it, he should have cleared up properly, but in my house it would be something that we would laugh about.

There are far worse crimes tbh 😄 x

'Posh wank'? Is that the opposite to using a sock?

Ok ladies, you've made me realise I have probably slightly over reacted to the 'masturbation' situation. I haven't messaged him other than the WTF is this, your daughter found it and the picture so maybe I'll mellow a bit for when he gets home.

@Itsjustnotthevibe when you put it like that, you're probably right! Because putting the sock in the washing machine would have been far too much work.

nothing wrong with him sorting himself out.

bit weird imo to do it in a condom and leave it in the bed but each to their own.

How would you like him to react if you accidentally left a used tampon in the bathroom? Obviously what he did was not ideal, but unless you think he did it on purpose or if he has a habit of never cleaning up after himself I don't think you should be furious.

You've never forgotten something, ever? H to be so perfect.

Obviously he should have put it in the bin, but if he's just forgotten then I think 'livid' is a bit much. If you're livid with him every time he forgets something/makes a mistake you're going to have an awful marriage! It's tiring being livid, it can't be good for you.

And I'd tell you to sod off! It's just as much his bed & he has every right to wank in comfort, not standing in the bathroom.

he accidentally left the condom there, 🤷🏻‍♀️

LTB. Not for the nasty. I som but for calling you ‘babe’ and using the phrase ‘posh wank’!

He sounds like a complete Neanderthal.

I don’t think that (for kids who are so young that they don’t know what it is) that the condom is any worse than the fake tan all over the bed. Does that look like shit smears? If the 4yo saw the condom, you could just pass it off as a bit of plastic that needs to go in the bin. It was an oversight, he wasn’t cheating. Why are you allowed to leave loads of mess in the bed but not him?

But I've read multiple times on MN that posh wanks are a myth 🤔

The discarded condom is the issue,he should have disposed of it appropriately
Beyond that, no biggie

Why livid? It was an accident, I'm sure he didn't set it up as a trophy

'it's Daddy's darling' DD would have soon forgotten all about it.

he's apologised, why carry it on??

It absolutely is worse than fake tan 🤢

I’d be annoyed that instead of tidying the bedroom and putting some fresh sheets on he climbed into bed to wank. Actually he could have probably wanked and then had a good tidy afterwards, that would have been a good use of his time.

Yuck something similar happened to me as a kid and I’ve never forgotten it.

I don’t think he cheated either but you seem to have trust issues RE the ring doorbells/ checking them.

nothing wrong with having a wank, everything wrong with leaving evidence.

I would ask him why he considers clearing up after his pleasure is YOUR job as he obviously didn't bother doing it

I don't understand wanking into a condom? I guess if someone is really used to coming only when wearing one?

But I also can't imagine from what you've said that he cheated and just left the evidence in the bed.

I wouldn't be angry that he masturbates. Especially If you say you haven't had sex for a little while. Presuming you would usually do it more frequently? I'd say both sexes have the perfect right to a wank privately, it's not disrespectful or similar to cheating.

But if it is upsetting to you make sure he knows and no doubt he won't leave such things lying around again.

Why did he do that with a condom on. I don't get it. It's more work, and less pleasure, surely?

@MaybeItsTimeForMeNow I do find this strange because he doesn't like wearing a condom particularly during sex.

But I honestly don't believe he's cheated.