Why is my brother doing this?

[AutumnLover1989]

Have to start by saying we are very low contact. We have started being civil now that he has moved closer to my mum. It makes it a little less awkward now we are more likely to be bumping into eachother. We are a good few hours away from them both.

Brother has a habit of telling my mum he's tried calling me and I've not picked up or replied to any of his messages. I've had no missed calls or messages.

He's now doing the same with a cousin and it's also making my cousin look bad. He lives close to them both and now doesn't want to visit mum now incase he bumps into brother.

I know it sounds very trivial but I'm so confused as to why he's doing this?

You should ask him. "Mum said you were trying to call me but I've no messages or misses calls. Wanted to make sure all okay and that you have the right number".

Yep agree with @amber763 , call him out on it, cousin should do the same.

I know he has the right number because he messaged me a while back re mum's birthday. He's been saying this since. I've not changed my number.

I'll be doing this when I next visit.

Bog standard shit stirring 😞

It really is. No idea what his motive is for doing it. Mum only hears his side of the story too,with him being on her doorstep 😔

He's trying to make himself look good to your mum at your expense, obviously. Wanker.

Yeah you know that and he knows that but id ask anyway since he's supposedly been trying to reach you and telling your mum the same.

Would you consider a WhatsApp group with your mum and brother? I have this with my parents and siblings. She could then see the conversation? Might not work for you. But useful for us as we can see when elderly parent has been in touch.

My mum really isn't tech savvy so wouldn't know how to use it.

Whenever you speak to him, don't do it alone. Always have a witness or on text. Shit stirrer he is.

I'd say ' but I called you straight back and you didn't pick up' if he persists on doing this.

I'd bring it up in front of your mum then maybe he will stop lying.

He's trying to get in your mom's good graces, to look like the reasonable one. Parents don't like when their kids don't speak, especially when they are elderly. You should definitely tell your mom he's lying and hasn't been contacting you.

And let her know he's doing the same to the cousin. Hopefully there's no ulterior motive, like trying to angle you out of the will or something.

He’s isolating your mum from you and the cousin. He’ll make you look bad, paint himself as the victim, and manoeuvre you both out of her care and arrangements. He’ll have control over her and her situation.
If you say something it will be spun to make you the villain, picking on him.

Be careful, get ready. These things thrive on secrecy, so be present and smilingly correct any misconceptions asap. ‘ Hi Fred, mum says you’ve been trying to ring me. It’s the same number and no missed calls, I wonder if there’s a problem with your phone?’

etc.

Could your mum be asking him 'have you spoke to autumnlover?' and he's just saying he tried to ring to make it seem like he's making an effort.
Or is he the one who's bringing it up?

I definitely feel like he has an ulterior motive which I need to get to the bottom of.

I need to find this out.

Obviously so he looks good and you two look like twats. He’s a manipulative arsehole. I imagine that’s not a surprise.

He likely wants to paint himself as a victim who wants relationships with family members and is being excluded. That way he gets your mums sympathy and she might take his side if he ever goes against you. Be direct with your mum, say he hasn't been in touch and you’re concerned about his motives in telling her he has and why he would want to manipulate her.

Yep.

It will be about ££££ - always is. He will either be fleecing her or getting the will re-written

Whats his situation? Why has he moved back to home town?

Haha great idea 😂 Obviously don’t really do this but the idea made me laugh

I wouldn’t bring it up with him. I’d keep as low contact as possible with him and every time your Mum mentions stuff like this just don’t reply and move the conversation on.

He had already fleeced my parents for thousands over the years. Now it's just my mum. This is a big concern 😔