CHILDREN HAVE NEVER HAD A HOLIDAY! MASSIVE GUILT!

[Una22]

I have recently been speaking to a friend who says my children have never had a proper holiday. They are 4 and 11. Most years we go away for at least 4 nights to a caravan park and she states she feels sorry for them as 4 nights away is not a holiday! My eldest does not want to go on a plane and I would not like to force him (he is autistic) plus he loves going to the caravan parks. I feel dreadful now as I feel now my kids have never had a holiday! We are saving towards a deposit for a house and I just feel that needs to take priority instead of spending loads of money on holiday which my children probably wouldnt enjoy. We also have our Mother in laws caravan that we stay in on a regular basis but again thats not a holiday! Was just looking for some honest opinions I feel like I am failing them. We are always doing various things with them but we just dont have lots of money.

I never in 18 year of living at home when on holiday even in a caravan with my parents. Your “friends” is being very rude and judgemental please ignore her.

A few nights in a caravan is great fun and a break from routine.

Bullshit, I never went abroad for first time till I was 22. I also considered a UK holiday a holiday, and had a happy childhood. House deposit should take priority over holidays.

She's mad. Up to recently most people didn't go abroad till they were adults.

Life is way you make it and teaching your children to be grateful for what they have /what is realistically achievable will set them up for much more happiness in their life.

i call any day away a holiday and our child is excited because I’ve framed it in a positive way. It’s a treat to go anywhere as it’s so expensive now! We go to the beach at weekends and do free stuff generally. I wouldn’t take this on and ditch your friend- they don’t share your values

How rude! A holiday is any time away from normality. That might be 4 days in a caravan, a city break in Europe, a 2 week long haul vacation or a staycation at home. My children have never been abroad either but they have certainly been on holiday.

Your friend doesn't understand the meaning of words. It's a holiday.

Wasn’t sure which was to vote as YABU to worry about it, YANBU to class a caravan break as a holiday.

It works for your family, your children enjoy it, your child wouldn’t enjoy a plane. Therefore it’s a holiday for you and your family.

When someone says something like this, I always think - ‘why does it benefit them to say this?’

Is your friend feeling insecure because they’ve racked up huge CC debt on holidays? Are they not doing as well saving for their deposit and need to justify it? Or are they just someone that likes to see other put down?

Either which way - it’s literally nobody else’s business whether you do or don’t go on holidays of a specific length, location or price point. Just do what’s right for your family and ignore the rest.

I still remember a camping holiday sitting outside our tent watching the cows going home and the children getting so excited about fireflies in the hedges..magical. We also went to France, Spain and America but a holiday in the uk when the weather is good is a great holiday.

Your friend is talking shit. 4 nights at a caravan park is an amazing holiday for children. No long, boring, stressful flights, no overheating, can eat familiar foods in the caravan, entertainment geared to them, lots of other children around, no jet lag or need for huge changes in routine. I think your friend has difficulty separating what is best for her from what is best for her children.

I use to spend all summer at my nans caravan as a kid ,it was the best.Ignore your friend she’s talking shit.

What kind of friend would say this ? How ridiculous. In my opinion comments like this show some level of insecurity in the person making the comment.

Your "friend" sounds like a grown up version of a kid I knew who asked her (well off) parents why she'd never been to Euro Disney as "even poor people go there"

Your kids are very lucky to have had the holidays they have. Don't feel guilt!

I guess my kids have never had a holiday either! We go to my FIL's for a four days in the summer. He has a big garden and his partner does all the cooking so it sure feels like a holiday to me 😆

Ignore your awful friend.

@Una22 your friend is talking nonsense. I never had holidays abroad as a child.

We always visited family in England over school holidays and they are my best memories, it was full of fun, laughter and lots of love.

I really miss those days and just writing it down reminds me of all those happy times with family who are now no longer with us.

It doesn’t matter where you go, it’s about creating memories for you and your family xx

Your mate is full of shit. I remember when I was a kid we went on caravan holidays, they were awesome. I also remember lots of trips to the “aquarium” which is what my dad used to call taking us to the garden centre to see the fish. Kids don’t need to travel the world, they just need fun and for kids fun can be a card board box with some holes cut in it. It’s amazing to take your kids to fancy places if you can, but it’s not a need.

Your mate would think we are horrible parents, because since having kids we have been abroad without them and they’ve not yet been outside the UK. We intend to take them the year after next, but honestly we didn’t see any point in taking them when they won’t remember. Some people act like we’re awful because we’ve gone away without them, but they just saw it as they got to spend a few days with their fun uncle who they’re obsessed with. To them, staying with him is the child equivalent of a week in Ibiza. We come back better parents and have fun presents for them.

At the end of the day, your kids see it as a holiday so it’s a holiday. Your mate is also a cow. You need to save for a house, you’re right that you need to put that first.

To answer your questions OP

1. Everyone has agreed a caravan holiday is a holiday
2. You shouldn't feel guilty about prioritising saving for a house that will be beneficial to you and your family and give them security
3. You know your autistic son wouldn't enjoy stressful plane and long distance travel and that this would impact on everyone else's enjoyment.
4. Your family enjoy your current arrangements- that's the main thing.
5. You are not letting anyone down.
6. Your 'friend' should reserve feeling sorry for those that actually need her sympathy. That's not your children.

You've managed a MN first where literally every post supports you in AIBU. Well done.

Your friend will find that many, many children across the world have never had holidays abroad. Only in the UK it seems to be a thing people think they’re entitled to even when they can’t afford it and get into debt to do it.

It’s not abnormal, some people can’t afford it, some people don’t want to. She needs to back off. “Feels sorry” lol the nerve.

Your friend is a snob. When I was a kid my neighbours occasionally took us to their caravan. We thought it was the bomb and begged my mother to take us to a caravan holiday, which she never did.

Your friend's children are probably secretly pining too.

She's being judgemental. Ignore her!

Meh, you’re friends a dick head. Does she, perhaps spend all her money on things for the ‘gram and is (not so) quietly resenting your pragmatic approach to spending priorities?
Putting you down to feel better about her own choices is not the action of a friend. Bin her.

Your 'friend' is talking absolute bollocks OP, and she's not being a great friend to try and make you feel bad.

When did this strange shift happen in UK culture that some people seem to think that a holiday always involves leaving the country? Not true at all. You are giving the kids a lovely time, it suits their needs and also helps you save for things that will obviously improve the life of the whole family!

As a kid our parents never took us abroad (couldn't afford it) and we usually went to my grandparents' caravan in Norfolk. I can still remember the absolute joy I used to feel! A wonderful feeling, the only other times I felt as happy as that was Christmas. Your children are not missing out, set your mind at rest.

She is NOT your friend. Real friends would support your choices not demean or slag them off.
Sorry to say it OP but like a lot of MNers you really need to raise the bar for friendships and what you expect from them it's give and take from both sides.

your 'friend' is unkind and nasty and clearly not a friend.

some of the best times DS had when little was staying in a caravan on the beach.

my only advice would be get a new friend

My 9 year old DS has been on lots of foreign holidays, he recently told us that the best place in the world is Blackpool, and he wishes he could go every year. When asked if he would prefer a holiday to Mexico or Blackpool, he said Blackpool.

We only had 2 foreign holidays as a child because my mother hates the sun, every other holiday was a week in Ballater in Scotland, it remains my favourite place to this day, I have the most amazing memories.