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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this me being controlling ?

19 replies

Mamax32000019 · 22/05/2025 20:31

Been with oh 12 years this year. Hasn’t always been good , he’s spoke to women behind my back before, we got through it it was hard but silly me forgave him. Fast forward to now he has this silly friend at work, he is single and slot younger than him. He is VERY obsessed with women and is always on TikTok live getting women in with him etc. I caught my partner in his live last night talking to a few women now I know he’s allowed to talk to women that’s not the issue. The issue is 1. If I was talking to another man, he would not like it at all and 2. He can’t just talk and wasn’t just talking , he was flirting . Like this girl was talking and my partner was responding. For example she said oh is this your friend to my ohs friend and my oh said yes I’m his friend I can be your friend too which is fine but then she asked if he was single and he said depends who for . Before all this , his friend said about how much he can tell my partner wanted him to get someone to join. Now this persons TikTok live I am FORBIDDEN to watch he literally says I am not allowed to watch it if I do I’m stalking him. At first I thought he was paranoid. Now I know why.

I’ve literally had to narrow it down in layman’s terms why this is an inappropriate way to talk to other women. But he’s just saying I’m being controlling and trying to rule his life ? Sorry what ? A grown man should know how to act in a relationship ???

as I said if this was me he would kick of so bad!

so Aibu? Or is he🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
Rtato · 22/05/2025 20:33

You’re being unreasonable for putting up with it. He sounds completely unattractive and revolting.

annielouisa · 22/05/2025 20:37

He is not going to change. You need to LTB he does not respect you and acts as a single male not a committed partner.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 22/05/2025 20:37

You’re banned from a live your OH watched and uses to flirt with other women? He’s spoken to women behind your back before aswell, why isn’t he your ex yet?

ByZanyRubyOrca · 22/05/2025 20:39

Honestly, leave him.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/05/2025 20:39

Why are you putting up with this shit op? Raise your bar - seriously - he’s a low life and you deserve better.

BookWorrum · 22/05/2025 20:40

Do people really live their lives like this?

BallerinaRadio · 22/05/2025 20:40

Why do people put themselves through this? Life's too short

Summerhillsquare · 22/05/2025 20:40

as usual, first post nails it.

Mamax32000019 · 22/05/2025 20:47

Just as I thought thank you, I knew I wasn’t being controlling. He says he’s not doing nothing wrong 😑

OP posts:
Wednesdayisme · 22/05/2025 21:13

"I could be your friend too" ... Id go up the wall. You're not controlling him you are calling him out on his shitty behaviour!

Mamax32000019 · 22/05/2025 21:18

Wednesdayisme · 22/05/2025 21:13

"I could be your friend too" ... Id go up the wall. You're not controlling him you are calling him out on his shitty behaviour!

Exactly my point this is what I have said . Apperently in a normal relationship he’d be able to do it 🥲

OP posts:
ShineBrighterxx · 22/05/2025 21:19

Oh god. I think you should re-read your post and ask yourself if this is what you want out of a relationship?

Wednesdayisme · 22/05/2025 21:20

Mamax32000019 · 22/05/2025 21:18

Exactly my point this is what I have said . Apperently in a normal relationship he’d be able to do it 🥲

What a manipulative shit bag.
Tell him good luck finding someone who will put up with him and dump this clown. You deserve better!

MmmMayo · 22/05/2025 21:24

He’s pretending not to understand but he knows perfectly well. The accusation that you’re controlling is designed to give him a free pass to behave as a single man.
Get rid.

nomas · 22/05/2025 21:26

He shouldn’t be talking to girls on TikTok that’s disrespectful to you.

Dump him, he’s as childish as his friend and you deserve better.

Endofyear · 22/05/2025 22:18

You're being unreasonable for staying with this prick. Dump him!

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 22/05/2025 22:21

Who the fuck is voting that 10%?!

VonHerrBurton · 22/05/2025 22:25

Urgh. Just horrible behaviour. He sounds like the controlling one to me. Unacceptable - as previously mentioned, raise your bar. Get rid.

pikkumyy77 · 22/05/2025 22:28

Rtato · 22/05/2025 20:33

You’re being unreasonable for putting up with it. He sounds completely unattractive and revolting.

This. Why be with someone so stupid and rude that you have to explain the obvious to him? Its neither controlling nor not controlling. Its just the fact: you don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who is on the make.

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