To find this very odd. Do I ditch this person

[Lesleyann25]

Well I am looking for advice because I am finding this really weird. I have friend she is 20 years older than me, she was my best friends neighbour and we’ve always got along but she has always been a bit unusual. She is in her 60s I used to take her for shopping etc occasionally or go around and have dinner with her as I am single parent and I enjoyed the company.

In the pst year i changed jobs I have a much longer commute and also my daughter does not go to her dads house very much. This friend is constantly asking me to to take her places and I have had to decline either tired or busy. Now she keeps saying im so worried about you, go to the doctor you must ill. I said I’ve been had bloods had low folate and im on medication and she saying things like go back for a second opinion you don’t look well and it’s all the time. My other friend said I look fine but this is bizarre is she gaslighting me? Or maybe getting mentally ill? I don’t want to be mean but it’s really bothering me should I just cut her off?

My other friend called her when I was getting stressed yesterday and said to her listen to me. I am going to blunt. She is at work and this stressing her out she’s been to the doctors had bloods done all is fine apart from folate. She said well I think she needs a aecond
opinion. Im like a what?

Yanbu

Its faux concern because you aren't ferrying her about saving her money any more.

You have a demanding job and children
They are your priority not her and her free lifts.

Yikes. Well her opinion isn't welcome, tell her that. Ditch. Honestly sounds like a nightmare

Yep. I was thinking do I really look that ill like at deaths door. I told her I had indigestion said no that sounds like cancer those symptoms it’s just so fucking bizarre

It's not sarcasm - it was trying to work out what was going on - you said it was wrong that you'd told her you were tired and unwell, but you'd told her you were tired and unwell, which makes it a fairly normal concern for somebody that you might be more unwell than you'd already told them you were.

Oh good grief it gets worse. I'm not usually one to jump to the 'block' option but I'd make an exception for this one.

I did that this morning

She has a large family so they do need to do more for her.

Seems they have the measure of her and are letting you pick up the slack.

She doesnt listen to your words (so disrespectful) and ignores your boundaries and preferences - this is not a reciprocal friendship. Time now to stop talking (because she will never listen or be persuaded) - and take action.

Block her number or divert her calls to VM etc. Tell her you are unavailable. Dont respond or text to say you will call only once a week/fortnight etc. Tell her you cant do lifts anymore (she has benefits topay for this). Take back your power. Have a 3month fade programme. Get her gone and givethe timeto yourself.

‘Actually Doris, I tell you that I am tired as an excuse not to run you here there and everywhere because I thought you’d be more understanding. The truth is that yes I do sometimes feel tired but no more than any other busy mum and I can’t meet up with you and take you places as much as I used to do as my circumstances have changed and I have a lot more on my plate nowadays.’

She can choose to be understanding or have a strop and stop talking to you. Either way, it’s a win.

I get that and talking it through it makes reasonable sense but when you like someone and help them when you can then all of sudden you’re getting this constant repeated message that you are clearly unwell i started
think am i? Is she seeing something im not but no I get it she wants her free
rides to b &q and the availability to chat when I’m actually asleep and that pisses her off. I think she sees me
as surrogate daughter and i
have to knock that on the head.

You do. You have your own daughter who needs you in the coming years even if its just to be on stand-by. You need your rest to get through peri with a teenager alone - and maybe enjoy yourself. You are already navigating a tough path as a working single parent. You need to proactively take care of yourselfand protect your peace. Actions not words now. No explaining or justifying your choices of where you allocate your precious and finite time and energy.

So you've answered your own dilemma. Step back and don't get involved. Trust me, nobody will thank you for it - probably quite the opposite.

She doesn't sound nice at all.
She sounds like a demanding bully that is harassing you because she wants you at her beck and call.

I think you can take a complete break from responding to her.

Unfortunately some people simply refuse to accept no.

Step away.

Unfortunately some people simply refuse to accept no.

In words. So just demonstrate "No" in actions.

Do not respond. Put in distance. Step away.

She has lots of friends and family that she can tap up.

Focus your thoughts and time on yourself and your DD.

Protect your peace.