To find this very odd. Do I ditch this person

[Lesleyann25]

Well I am looking for advice because I am finding this really weird. I have friend she is 20 years older than me, she was my best friends neighbour and we’ve always got along but she has always been a bit unusual. She is in her 60s I used to take her for shopping etc occasionally or go around and have dinner with her as I am single parent and I enjoyed the company.

In the pst year i changed jobs I have a much longer commute and also my daughter does not go to her dads house very much. This friend is constantly asking me to to take her places and I have had to decline either tired or busy. Now she keeps saying im so worried about you, go to the doctor you must ill. I said I’ve been had bloods had low folate and im on medication and she saying things like go back for a second opinion you don’t look well and it’s all the time. My other friend said I look fine but this is bizarre is she gaslighting me? Or maybe getting mentally ill? I don’t want to be mean but it’s really bothering me should I just cut her off?

Ah,, you feel sorry for her and obligated. But why? If it's too much direct her to social services.

Either you're tired, with low folate and on medication (as per your OP) or you're lying to her that you're tired with low folate and on medication.

Which is it, then?

She is an unusual character, she tends to say the wrong thing in some
situations but we’ve always said that’s just her but this does feel weird and creeping me
out a little.

I had low folate but have been on folic acid for 3 months so no not lying but take the sarcasm elsewhere i am genuinely a bit upset about this situation is turning out thank
you.

Ive have known her for so long and I do care for her. She doesn’t think she needs help frm
social services and I think she is lonely. I get lonely too my DD is at an age where she is chatting to her friend etc but I need to be here as she isn’t old enough to be alone in the evenings

Why not tell her this?

Very true. I thought she was going through mental health problems but maybe not. This is a why I asked for advice because it was a bit baffling.

Ive explained over and over in so many different ways that I do not have the energy to do so anymore.

Ah, so you feel obligated and can't somehow retract. That's hard for you. But at the same time you mustn't feel obliged. You can only do what you are capable of and right now you are saying it's all too much. That's ok...step back if you think it's too much. It's not your fault and not your responsibility!

Even if she is going through mental health problems, what exactly do you propose to do about it. Do you want to be her support? Because if you do, be prepared for the long haul with a lot of take with very little give. Have you honestly got the time and energy to take on that role? Once you go down that route, you will find it even more difficult to step back and you will be subject to backlash from her family.

Well then you need to take a step back.

I cannot take on the role my DD just started her periods and is a bit of handful on an emotional
level at times. She used to stay at her dads two nights per week but now she still goes out with her dad for dinner etc but she wants to be at home and not go between two houses so I don’t have that free time that I did. Her dad is fine with it i just want my daughter to be happy because pre teen is a difficult time for
kids.

Weird first responses. She is clearly manipulating you with the 'tired' thing. You no longer do what she wants you to do so she's trying to make you doubt yourself.

I believe so but she sounded so confused and hurt when I lost my temper that I felt really guilty.

She seems to have a strange hold over you op and I am wondering why cos she sounds weird and controlling?

Why.?

She supported me quite a bit when I split with my child’s father years ago and was there for me so I just wanted to be a good friend in return.

Thing is I say im stuck at home come over have dinner with us. She doesn’t come.

Well I get that but that doesn't mean you have to do damage to yourself in return.

I know she does have quite a few friends shes a really social person. That’s why I don’t understand what seems like a sudden fixation with me.

Do you think there maybe some cognitive decline?is your friend a drinker?

I think that could be possible. No she isn’t a drinker never really has been but she struggles to control diabetes and I have noticed a couple of times her telling me the same thing twice this is why I am
torn.

She sounds so bloody needy. Her "concern" is driven by the inconvenience of you telling her you're too tired to spend your time taking her shopping etc. I'd send one last message saying you're well, a little tired but have no health concerns. Then say you're sorry you simply don't have time to meet her requirements and try to draw a line over this friendship.

To sum it up I think the world of her, I am not really sure what is going on but it’s making me feel really weird and I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with it.

Ooh she’s goof at it isn’t she, being manipulative and making you think it’s you. You’ve told her numerous times, time for action being less available, not your problem how she feels.