Grandparents leaving money to grandchildren?

[Honeysucklelane]

I read an article recently about the rise in grandparents leaving their will to their grandchildren instead of their children.

I believe my in-laws may be doing this and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand thrilled for my children, but on the other worried they may come into a ton of money at a young age.

How do other people feel about this?

Some people might be perfectly happy to leave it to the grandchildren they already know and love 🤷🏻‍♀️
We can’t plan for every eventuality, and we don’t always have to try.

My brother and I both inherited low seven figures in our early twenties (I was 20 and he was 23). In our case it was because our mother also died so what my grandfather left to her was passed to us (so my aunt got 50% and we each got 25%). Neither of us "pissed it away" and both of us still have a very strong work ethic.

My father (who was married to my mother at the time of the deaths (my mother and grandfather died separately, just really close in time to each other) and would have inherited along with my mother), never talked about being resentful. And still retired normally is very comfortably off.

I have no idea how my cousins feel (or if they even realize that my brother and I got money directly).

It doesn't actually affect us if we don't inherit as we weren't planning on it. It doesn't mean that inheriting wouldn't be helpful in terms of paying the last of the mortgage, being able to afford help with care in our old age and being able to generously help our children/the grandchildren. So we don't care.

However, if everything was left to the GC, when the parents come asking for help with old age expenses or home costs, I'll direct them to the grandchildren who will be financially better off due to inheriting. I'll need to keep my own money since no-one will be helping me.

I would be very unhappy about it, not because I care about the principle, but as one of mine is on means tested disability, them receiving just enough money to mess with those supports, but not enough to make that not matter, is a significant headache. And guess who gets to sort that mess? Me.

It doesn't matter while I'm alive as I make sure they get what they need, but it would disadvantage them longer term when I'm not here to do that and they've lost supports.

Why would they ask for help with expenses when they have a significant amount to bequeath to their grandchildren?
You sound quite bitter, tbh.

I can't be bitter as I have no expectation of any inheritance (and have told my parents to spend all their money on themselves anyway). I'm talking about hypotheticals. I do think it's fair that if someone has money to leave, that they seek support from the generation they are leaving it to. Support isn't just about money but about time and hands on help.

This is the reality of it isn't it. What a draining, sad situation.

I remember trying to talk to my widowed mum about her money situation as she got her lawyer involved in dealing with financial things. She had quite a lot but "didn't care what happened to it after she was gone". She had a grandchild on the other side of the world, who she adored, but had only met a handful of times and she thought he could use some money.

In the meantime I had cared and looked after my mother for 12 years since my dad had died. I'd flown home from the New Zealand, where my DH was working, many times, at the drop of a hat. I'd absolutely exhausted myself trying to look after mum after she became very unwell.

My brother (with grandaughter in Central America) visited once in a blue moon and never contributed emotionally or physically to our mother's decline in health.

So, yes I do think it's awful if you skip a generation.

It's a control thing, especially if they were happy to inherit from their own parents and didn't pass it down to their own kids.

My parents didn't inherit from theirs and I don't expect to inherit from mine. I do see people who inherit and what a difference it makes. Though a lot of them seem to use it to travel.

The whole thing with inheritance is strange to me anyway. If there's residual when the person passes, sure, pass it down, but inheritance should never be an expectation. It's the person's money to do with whatever they want, even if it's blow it all on anything they like.

My parents aren’t wealthy but their wills are 50/50 for me and my brother.

my in-laws have more money at this point (obviously aware that it could all disappear in care home fees etc) and their will is 25/25/25/25 - my husband, his sister and our two kids. No one has told my sister in law this so it will be a mess if this comes to
pass.

the kids bit is in a trust and they won’t get full control until 30 I think. So whoever is in charge could have years and years of managing it.

I'm feeling really low at the moment that I'm not able to give my children the childhood my husband and I both had. We both work really hard but I feel like a failure. So when I heard my PIL (in their mid 80s) are doing this, I'll be honest, it did really hurt. They already are the ones who spoil my children when I can't and now they get to be the amazing people who gift our children everything we will never be able to, rather than passing it down the line to us to do so like all the generations before them did. Yes I'm pleased for my children, I feel guilty and entitled feeling like this and I'm aware I'm projecting my insecurities here so really can't say anything. Ultimately it's their money so I know I'm being totally unreasonable. But they know we are struggling through no fault of our own so it does hurt that they don't want to help us at all, I can't help but feel like our happiness isn't as important to them whether that is fair or not

They might. And others might not be. Pros and cons, as I said.

And the thing is this is a problem that the traditional thing that everyone has always done for centuries avoids, so it's not as matter of planning for every eventuality, it's a matter of "Have you realised this new thing you are planning to do has this drawback, which is probably one of the reasons nobody ever used to do it?". Of course the older people are when they die, the less likely it is to be a problem.

I don't think many grandparents would really want to leave a lot of money to the 3 year old and the 1 year old they met while leaving nothing to their sibling born two years later, though, if they thought about it. Do you think many people would say "Nah, fuck that one, I never met them?"

So you are saying that if you leave money to someone you expect them to look after you when you become frail.
There is no way I would expect my children or grandchildren to look after me in my old age. My husband and I chose to have children so we could love them not so they could look after us.

I think your feelings are fair. It hurts to be passed over. Entirely their right but feeling sidelined is never nice.

How old are you and how old are your kids?

No, I'm not saying that and I've made sure I have things in place so no-one will ever have to look after me. I never want to impose on my children like that.

At this stage, I expect to be looking after my own child who has disabilities until the day I drop.

I'm just saying that if my parents had money and left it all to the grandchildren, if they need someone to pay for something from them, it's fair they call on those who will eventually get it back in the form of inheritance. Not someone who is funding their own without help.

My parents are leaving a percentage share to each GC.
The only issue I have is that my 4 nieces have 2 different dads and two of them will be inheriting a substantial amount of money and the other two diddly squat. My sister would have liked to have the inheritance from our parents so she can support the ones most in need. Indeed if there is anything left after care Home costs etc.

I imagine your sister in law would be even more pissed off if she has two kids shortly after your parents-in-law die, or even before and they've not got round to changing the will. Obviously without knowing the ages of everyone involved, I can't know if that's likely or unlikely.

I'm confused as to how your parents might both need money from their grandchildren and have money to leave them.

We are in our 40s with just turned teens. It also (probably unfairly tbh) feels like our children will have the means to leave home much earlier than they would have. I know this is a good thing, I don't want them to struggle but it does feel like PIL have now taken something away from us in that respect too

@Frazzledmum123 I think your feeling are totally justified.

It just feels very unfair. They really won't realise exactly what they are doing I assume. It's tough.

I mean, your situation is awful, but it's just that particular situation. You can't extrapolate from that to the idea that skipping a generation is bad. It's just your mother's decision to do it in those particular circumstances that is wrong.

DM changed her will to equal shares for children and grandchildren. No restrictions on age or spending. So no control from the grave but grandchildren are all adults - just about. They now have a house deposit and me snd siblings had already inherited a lot more from an aunt. So we were hardly hard up. Grandchildren now don’t have to inherit from parents. My siblings didn’t know but that because they did r visit DM or have much to do with her.

Sorry, I don't follow.

If your sister has 4 kids with 2 different dads then why don't all 4 get a share from your parents?

She's not saying that at all.