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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Get Advice on When to Have Sex with Guy I'm Dating

85 replies

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:39

Ok, so I may sound silly here. Im 50, was married for 21 years, been divorced 8 years. Ive had several short-term relationships that went nowhere.

Anyway, I have been talking to a guy on and off for best part of year. I was resistant to meeting up with him because of his age (44), but he was persistent, and anyway we finally met 2 weeks ago. We have had 2 dates, I've just come back from the second and I honestly feel smitten. We had a kiss and lets just say it was a real toe curler. Both dates were amazing - great chat - each lasted 4 hours! Normally when I kiss someone at first I feel nothing or next to nothing, and it builds over time. With this guy I am completely and utterly taken aback because the kiss was spark central!!!! It was soooo intense I had to pull away and I felt embarrassed. I've never had this before.

Anyway, we are having a date friday night, and given the sparks I know I will want to sleep with him, but should I? I really do like this guy, and as I say, this is unusual for me - especially so early on. Should I delay as long as possible to build the relationship and tension or just go for it?

Its a very exciting problem to have isnt it! lol. I'm like a giddy teen. (I realise I sound like a right knob).

OP posts:
LoopyLooooo · 21/05/2025 18:43

I think I'd need to know more about the 'off' part of the on/off talking for a year before you met up.

What was happening then?

cheerfulaf · 21/05/2025 18:43

Ah this is lovely to read, happy for you OP

personally I’d go for it if it feels right, have a think about how you’d feel though if you slept with him and things didn’t work out.

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and he was a “one night stand”. We now live together and are expecting a baby and are very happy together. I don’t think how long you do/don’t wait has any bearing on how the relationship will work out

whatever you end up doing, enjoy!

GivingUpFinally · 21/05/2025 18:44

To knob or not to knob....? Sorry I couldn't help myself.

I'd say don't limit yourself, go with the flow and see what happens. Do what feels right when it feels right.

It may or may not grow into a relationship. You need to keep an open mind and be prepared for the ghosting that may happen post coitus.

AhBiscuits · 21/05/2025 18:46

I think you should bang him. 3rd date is pretty classic for that.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:46

You are 50. If the menopause is not kicking your arse right now, and messing up your libido, I'll make the most of it while I can 😂

Playing games only work when you want to play games, it doesn't build anything solid anyway.

HateMyselfToo · 21/05/2025 18:47

If it feels good go for it, but bear in mind he may ghost you afterwards and you have to be okay with that. Personally I would be but that's because I enjoy sex for sex sake and not because it holds any deeper meaning.

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:47

LoopyLooooo · 21/05/2025 18:43

I think I'd need to know more about the 'off' part of the on/off talking for a year before you met up.

What was happening then?

Me - being a twat basically. I just wasn't interested because of his age - and I guess feeling like Im too old. But actually we look appropriate together I think (or so Ive been told). I think just my insecurity really. So we have just messaged on and off like I say for past year. But the off was cos of me.

OP posts:
thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:47

to add: if it ends up being a one-night (2 dates) stand after having sex, it was always going to be a one-night stand (3 or 4 dates).

I would go for it, hope for the best and see how it goes

Springtime43 · 21/05/2025 18:48

I think this fine for Date 3

Menopants · 21/05/2025 18:48

Do it asap. Life’s too short

Eyesopenwideawake · 21/05/2025 18:48

Go for it!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 18:48

Congrats op, life is for living and you're doing it 🥰

I say go for it, but will defer to more experienced daters xx

LoopyLooooo · 21/05/2025 18:49

I'd say go for it then OP.

You have nothing to lose!

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:50

Awww thanks everyone.

Anyway else had a real knee trembler on the first kiss!!! Not been something I've had since a teen. So its quite something.

I will admit if he ghosted me now - whether I had sex with him or not - I'd be gutted. I really do like him. Its been a while since I really did like someone. Im lucky that despite my age and menopause - Im still a randy old goat! LOL.

OP posts:
SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:50

I’d say… a year ago

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:51

Springtime43 · 21/05/2025 18:48

I think this fine for Date 3

Or 1 or 2 or 10 or 20

AlliBallyBoo · 21/05/2025 18:52

Already excited for the Saturday update!

Fill you fanny boots OP, you only live once

tripleginandtonic · 21/05/2025 18:52

Go for it, at 50 you nay as well take goid sex sooner rather than later.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:52

SALaw · 21/05/2025 18:50

I’d say… a year ago

I like the way you are thinking 😂

DJSteves · 21/05/2025 18:52

I shagged mine on the first night. Coming up to 12 years now.

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:52

Should I be asking if we are exclusive BEFORE having sex? When are we supposed to have that chat???

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 18:52

Anytime is fine, but I would want to find out if he's seeing anyone else, what he wants in a relationship (or not), etc. Others may dive straight in and see what happens, up to you.

thetrumanshow · 21/05/2025 18:53

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:52

Should I be asking if we are exclusive BEFORE having sex? When are we supposed to have that chat???

depends on how much you want sex...

ExtraOnions · 21/05/2025 18:53

Find out what you both want from the relationship first. Does he see it as a casual thing? Do you ? You both need to be on the same page, or someone will end up getting hurt.

bigkahunaburger · 21/05/2025 18:53

Eeekk....he just messaged me 'well that kiss showed we have some really lovely chemistry hey - sparks aflying'.

Swoon....

OP posts: