To Get Advice on When to Have Sex with Guy I'm Dating

[bigkahunaburger]

Ok, so I may sound silly here. Im 50, was married for 21 years, been divorced 8 years. Ive had several short-term relationships that went nowhere.

Anyway, I have been talking to a guy on and off for best part of year. I was resistant to meeting up with him because of his age (44), but he was persistent, and anyway we finally met 2 weeks ago. We have had 2 dates, I've just come back from the second and I honestly feel smitten. We had a kiss and lets just say it was a real toe curler. Both dates were amazing - great chat - each lasted 4 hours! Normally when I kiss someone at first I feel nothing or next to nothing, and it builds over time. With this guy I am completely and utterly taken aback because the kiss was spark central!!!! It was soooo intense I had to pull away and I felt embarrassed. I've never had this before.

Anyway, we are having a date friday night, and given the sparks I know I will want to sleep with him, but should I? I really do like this guy, and as I say, this is unusual for me - especially so early on. Should I delay as long as possible to build the relationship and tension or just go for it?

Its a very exciting problem to have isnt it! lol. I'm like a giddy teen. (I realise I sound like a right knob).

Your definition of knee trembler is different to mine 😆

There's no time like the time that feels right as a PP said if it is a ONS it was always going to be a ONS some men love the chase. Do what feels right to you and don't have any expectation, if it turns into something good it always would have whether you have sex now or 6 months down the line.

And great news OP, glad you are enjoying yourself, don't let the arbitary rule mob dictate your decisions

You might want to check if you are compatible in bed before thinking of casual/ serious relationships, don't you?

No he has made it very clear he wants a relationship - we both said that.

I even said if it doesnt work out Id still love us to be friends (because we have been chatting so long and we get on so well) but he was quite firm and said he had no interest in being friends with me.

He actually said he fully intends to make me his queen. He's very sweet - and persistent (in a good way).

I'm quite annoyed with myself for dithering for so long.

I feel so happy for you 😄🥰

He sounds lovely. What's the itinerary for your date on Friday?

Well I'd crack on, but be wary of love-bombing and the potential for post-nut clarity / him to get bored after he's dtd.

Well it will be at my local, so he can sleep the night at mine. If I let him.

Im wondering whether to ask if hes dating anyone else or not. I think I just want to be sure hes not sleeping with anyone else if Im going to sleep with him. I wouldn't like that. Although asking him may put him off I guess.

Yeh ive been thinking about love bombing. I mean it is like that - but its been over a year. I will be cautious.

Whenever you're ready. There's no set times.

I slept with mine on first date and getting married soon after years. I'm also in 50s with younger partner.

Known people to wait for ages to sleep with someone and get dumped afterwards anyway.

If they like you and you like them then it will work whenever you sleep together.

Enjoy!!!

Surely you'd use a condom anyway?

For some blokes, the longer the chase, the better. Just be careful. I have to say, if someone said they want me for their Queen I'd be laughing in their face!

Hopefully he's genuine.

Really? I loved it. I have come from a very abusive marriage though...so..

Yeah but I really don't want to be shagging someone whose shagging other people. It just grosses me out.

Maybe I need to wait...

as long as you keep your feet on the ground and realise that it may not go anywhere, just go for it, have fun 😁. It may not end up as a long term relationship so take appropriate precautions!

Eek. Be even more careful then. Have you done the freedom programme online?

What I mean is whatever he tells you, surely you'd be using a condom.

You need to have that conversation because like you I'm not keen on being one of several at the same time. He could still lie but you have been building a relationship so you'd have a better chance of knowing if he's lying his arse off or not.

Dont decide now, but be ready for anything. Any "personal" grooming you feel comfortable with, and nice (but easy to remove!) underwear. In my experience, though an all-in-one "body" looks great and smooths out your bumps, it can hurtle up like an out-of-control window blind once the crotch snaps are undone, and then form an almost impossible to remove roll under your boobs. Not exactly the sensual striptease desired.....

That is hilarious!!!! And wise too - as I have a bodycon dress I was gonna wear with exactly one of those. Never thought that through did I! Thank you wise one. x

I have. And years and years of therapy.

But I must say I am very much enjoying someone being so lovely to me. And consistently so. But I will try and remain calm and sensible about this (who am I kidding :)

I’d be going for it! 3rd date very respectful

Just enjoy it! May not end up in a long term relationship but still worth to enjoy yourself!

No set time, whenever feels comfortable to you, but a few things to bear in mind;
-how would you feel if it was just the sex for him and drifted away shortly afterwards? Would you be ok with essentially a one night stand?
-he sounds like a good eligible Batchelor so what's he been doing during the year you've been on and off. I doubt sitting at home like a monk.
-I think its too early for the exclusive chat but maybe you need that if you're catching feelings hard
Good luck whatever you decide!

But there’s only 6 years between you?!

Anyway, you should definitely go ahead and sleep with him if you want to - forget about dating ‘rules’ and trust your gut!

You don't think 6 years is a lot? I just don't want to be the older one I guess. If he was older Id be fine. I realise thats silly.

There is no timeframe for asking about things that you have preferences for, it's never too early if that is something you would like to know.

If he says not exclusive then OP has a decision to make. That's not to say he can't lie about it but you can ask and mention how it makes you feel if it is important to you.

Nah, ride him like you stole him...