To Get Advice on When to Have Sex with Guy I'm Dating

[bigkahunaburger]

Ok, so I may sound silly here. Im 50, was married for 21 years, been divorced 8 years. Ive had several short-term relationships that went nowhere.

Anyway, I have been talking to a guy on and off for best part of year. I was resistant to meeting up with him because of his age (44), but he was persistent, and anyway we finally met 2 weeks ago. We have had 2 dates, I've just come back from the second and I honestly feel smitten. We had a kiss and lets just say it was a real toe curler. Both dates were amazing - great chat - each lasted 4 hours! Normally when I kiss someone at first I feel nothing or next to nothing, and it builds over time. With this guy I am completely and utterly taken aback because the kiss was spark central!!!! It was soooo intense I had to pull away and I felt embarrassed. I've never had this before.

Anyway, we are having a date friday night, and given the sparks I know I will want to sleep with him, but should I? I really do like this guy, and as I say, this is unusual for me - especially so early on. Should I delay as long as possible to build the relationship and tension or just go for it?

Its a very exciting problem to have isnt it! lol. I'm like a giddy teen. (I realise I sound like a right knob).

I'd say 3rd date is too soon

Especially if you don't even know if you're in a relationship

If you're really interested in each other, why didn't you meet earlier?

My darling parents were married over 50 years and were very much in love. My mum was 15 years older than my dad, though she initially only admitted to 10.....🤣

You’re right, that is silly. 6 years is nothing in middle age. If you were 23 and he was 17, that would be a different story. Besides you want someone who can keep up, if your sex drive is still high.

Shag him but safely. STD rates are high in your age group and you do not want to discover you can still get pregnant the hard way…….

Hey OP,

I am in the same boat. Am mid 40s. Met someone OLD, we have had two dates (both daytime) and are just arranging to meet this Saturday evening. So I'm also wondering the same thing as you.

I did message him yesterday and said something along the lines of, just so you know I'm not seeimg anyone else, I don't really go for the modern thing these days of dating multiple people. And he replied that he felt the same, and that I'm already more than enough for him to handle at once

In my case we haven't even kissed yet. Just a couple of brief hugs as we've only met in public so far. The messages are getting quite flirty though, so the chemistry is definitely there.

Hope your third date goes well. I'm just going to try and relax and enjoy mine and whatever happens, happens!

In this case I would have the exclusivity chat first.

I'd also say enjoy this time. If you're not ready then that's fine. What's one more week (or whatever).

Hanging about and procrastinating will have no benefit at all. Follow the passion you feel and remember, smart women carry condoms.

Just ask him if he's seeing anyone else.

Talk to him about it - but have that conversation face to face, not over text messages. And if the moment is really really right you'll probably find things happen just because you're both in the moment and having a great time. Remember too that there are plenty of toe curling activities that can go on before one has full on sex - there's no need to get right onto the main event when one can have a perfectly delightful time with all the bases that happen before a home run.

Just be prepared - and be safe of course! Now is not the time to end up with the gift that keeps on giving: a genital herpes infection! (Or worse).

The best relationships are based on good communication and having a giggle. He's very likely to be nervous too.

It's rather tricky for anyone to tell you exactly when having sex is the "right time" - these things usually are pretty obvious in the moment. Though it is far easier to tell when it's the wrong time.

Have fun - stay in the moment, and remember that condoms and lube are your friends!!!

OFGS OP is 50 not 15,why does she need to be " in a relationship" it's 2025 not 1925.

At 50 ? As if

You're meant to use contraception until 2 years past your last period if you reach menopause in your 40s, and 1 year past if in your 50s. It's unlikely you'll get pregnant if not yet at menopause, but not impossible

The risk of STIs are definitely there, given how men in this age range are not keen on condoms at all, and won't mention contraception or STI tests if you let them get away with it.

@bigkahunaburger - I am in your age group and also divorced. So - just wishing you good luck on Fri.

And wanted to also say - don’t overthink it. You seem to be massively overthinking already; and quite down on yourself.
You are not an old goat, and it’s Ok to enjoy life and sex. And at 44 - at least he’ll have a fully functional penis - hopefully (🤞😉). So many of my friends have encountered less so with men over 50….

You don’t need to be having serious conversations with him before - you don’t even know you’ll like to be with him after you have sex. You may or may not be compatible… At least try it out first.

Your relationship is developing normally and naturally - let it. And have fun.

My boyfriend is 7 years younger than me, he was 48 when I met him. Honestly it doesn’t matter and is actually a bonus in many ways!!

If you are getting the real feels for him I would definitely have a conversation before you sleep with him about whether he is sleeping with other people. But in any case it’s wise to guard your emotions - my motto when dating was all men are shits until they prove otherwise. It actually took me about 2 years to properly let myself fall for my boyfriend as I’d been so hurt before!

Communication is everything OP. Don’t be afraid to be upfront and get all the info you need.

I think go for it if you feel the itch and it sounds like you like him. Just don’t be too heavily invested as two dates isn’t anything longer term, although who knows

Don’t worry about him being younger but go in eyes wide open that this may or may not be a long term relationship, it’s too early to tell though the signs are good.

Oh i like that. I might nick that line. Shall I say, 'Just letting you know Im not dating or talking to anyone else. I just want to focus on this for now and see where it goes'. Then see what he says?

This!

Eyes open, knickers off and purr.

Two reasons. Age - I just didn't take him seriously cos hes so much younger. And it got a bit flirty early on in messages and I didn't like that. Told him off, then we started talking again. But we've been talking quite seriously - like every day for several weeks now and really building a connection. Hes really lovely. Its scaring me a bit how much I like him.

lol I shagged mine on the first night and we’ve been together 22 years and 2 kids later! Lol go for it!!

OP, you should meet my sister. She met her now husband in a queue to check in at an hotel reception desk. They were both there for a mutual friend’s wedding at the hotel that afternoon. She bedded him within hours of meeting (jokes that he was easy 😀) and they’ve been married for years.

@bigkahunaburger

Worked for me, worth a shot! 🙂

🙄

Why is his age an issue it’s only 6 years , that’s nothing , am sure there loads of women on here with younger partners.
mines 10 years older , but I don’t see an issue with the other way round, go enjoy yourself.

Must admit, Im quite pleasantly surprised by people thinking 6 years is nothing. I feel daft for putting him off so long.